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3/30/2018 c7 1nightshroud96
It sucks how Helios lost..
11/20/2014 c11 1Chris H-M
Wow it seems evrey thing worked out in the end Know I hope there is't a next chpter so the Ending will alwyas be happy. But If there was anext chapter i wonder what whoud happen.
11/20/2014 c10 Chris H-M
Ha ha ha that part in bold was funney but i Like to see what hapend befor Lightus and Hope be came enameys. I just hope there is a happy ever after in chpter eleven.
11/20/2014 c9 Chris H-M
Ok I know one of the co others and you have just wtin your self in but he is nothbing like you but that was cool. Mybey I shood for my up coming XII (Star Wars A New Darn) Any why cool I cant whait for the end.
11/19/2014 c8 Chris H-M
Not as fast moving but still cant whait to see if Lightus can turn hope back over to jion him in sted of die trying.
11/19/2014 c7 Chris H-M
Whow I cant belive one guy took out four openints. That is just induscribable next time he jules my money is that he wins.
11/19/2014 c6 Chris H-M
Just read chapter 4 - 6 I love how Lightus and Hope anr know aginst each other and have to battle. I wonder if Hope will evere rejoin Lightus and once agin become good can't whait to read the next chapter.
11/18/2014 c3 Chris H-M
What hapens next?
what hapens next!
11/18/2014 c1 Chris H-M
One porfile not as many as 5d's but still wondaring where this will lead
10/16/2014 c11 2morgenhorner342
I love your story im so happy that you roght it. Thanks for writing!
10/5/2014 c3 Guest
Okeeydokey… this was confusing. For the most part, it seems like hope is plotting revenge against lightus, but then you say that sky lark knows much about HIS brawler's… something or another, and… isn't Hope a girl? Typo, b
9/9/2014 c11 8Newborn Hope
Ookayyy...
Since first half was written by me...don't have much to comment on there.
Your writing has improved a lot when compared to the beginning of this story. The plot is advancing nicely, I suppose. A mistake...I think you meant 'behaviour' where you wrote 'beaver'. The song is nice and fits (the butterfly one)...! And it was the first longest chapter of this fic!
8/19/2014 c10 Guest
Alright, so, this fic needs work. You've got a nice plot, but I feel like the dialogue and interactions between the characters, are awkward. It's also hard to write a fix with OC's and get a good fan base, but you're doing pretty well, so I'll praise you for that. Try adding more to the story part of the fic instead of so much dialouge. You need more than just dialouge in a story. You've done okay, but I know this fic could be amazing! Try to write more instead of speaking, you know what I mean? Like, have your characters take time to notice the things around them and haven comment on that or maybe tell and think about how this affects them and their mood, their day. Instead of immediately focusing on the person in front of them, have take time to jotice the little things that may not be the most extrvagant thing in the story. Also, typos. There's a few here and there and the way you explain things are sometimes a bit awkward but over all very good. Try not to repeat yourself. Sometimes when the characters are speaking they might say something that sounds really repetitive so try to stay away from that. Overall, nice story. Remember this is all just constructive criticism. I'm just trying to help you out. Nice story. :)
8/21/2014 c10 Newborn Hope
Hmmm...so you twisted it a bit...interesting...! Though I wrote it partially so nothing special to state in this review! XP
8/18/2014 c10 6Pooch2010
Interesting chapter, very nice!
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