for A Girl is Guarded11/24/2014 c2 
9CatOrWall
I'm against describing a character's clothing in detail unless the details are somehow important... It just seems superfluous. The reader will imagine the details themselves, it doesn't necessarily all have to be spelled out for them to get a good mental image of what is going on. It actually gets in the way of visualizing the scene more than anything else.
I hope there is a very interesting reason why a 12-year-old girl is able to do damage to the Guardians. I also hope there's something she's not amazing at.
My guess is that she's the reincarnation of something crazy... it's the only explanation I can think of.
9CatOrWallI'm against describing a character's clothing in detail unless the details are somehow important... It just seems superfluous. The reader will imagine the details themselves, it doesn't necessarily all have to be spelled out for them to get a good mental image of what is going on. It actually gets in the way of visualizing the scene more than anything else.
I hope there is a very interesting reason why a 12-year-old girl is able to do damage to the Guardians. I also hope there's something she's not amazing at.
My guess is that she's the reincarnation of something crazy... it's the only explanation I can think of.
11/9/2014 c1 CatOrWall
Uh. Not sure if this was the best way to start. Jack is apparently in love with a character we know nothing about, with no explanation as to why that might happen.
And how did the Guardians watch that whole thing unnoticed? Why might May not remember Jack later? Who the heck is Megan?
I'm... putting this on alert in case you ever continue, because I'm very curious. But you'll need to start answering stuff pretty quick, because otherwise I'm just gonna be confused.
Uh. Not sure if this was the best way to start. Jack is apparently in love with a character we know nothing about, with no explanation as to why that might happen.
And how did the Guardians watch that whole thing unnoticed? Why might May not remember Jack later? Who the heck is Megan?
I'm... putting this on alert in case you ever continue, because I'm very curious. But you'll need to start answering stuff pretty quick, because otherwise I'm just gonna be confused.