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for Kira's story of domination

10/20/2014 c19 7Reaper7
Er... you should probably not ask your viewers this kind of thing. This is something you should choose. Just saying, as the writer, you shouldn't let the readers affect your muse too much.
It's up to you, really.
10/17/2014 c18 Sigismund The Champion
I have no words for how bad this story is. I thought "From Another World" was bad, but this is possibly the worst thing I have read. Ever. Ignoring the huge amount of spelling and grammar errors, ignoring how messed up some of the scenes are, this Shepard is the biggest hypocrite in existence. You say that her planet and culture, (that the backstory for makes zero sense) hates slavers, and then have her BRAINWASH two people into being her personal slaves, not mention HUMAN EXPERIMENTATION! Your story is filled with gaping plot holes, your main character comes to conclusions that have no logical basis, (The Vorcha scavenged a highly advanced and specialized bio-weapon. Seriously?) built an artificial person by combining DNA from random people in less than a week, (or maybe not, because there are virtually no transitions between scenes or any mention of time passed) having Shepard be even MORE hypocritical by bashing Cerberus for no reason. Compared to this Shepard, The Illusive Man is a saint! You had Shepard buy a planet from Omega(still scratching my head over that one), and somehow, you managed to drag in elements one of my favorite franchises, that being Warhammer 40k. I read the beginning of your 40k/Mass effect crossover, and I can say with certainty that you should stay the hell away from 40k. Everything I've said here is only scratching the surface of how bad this fic is. Honestly, the most I can hope is that some REAL Space Marines show up and give Kira Shepard and all of her abominations the Emperor's Peace.
10/14/2014 c18 Guest
Keep up the good work!

If Tali is going to be a slave to anyone it should be Kira
10/14/2014 c18 Reaper7
Meh. Not much to say, really. Hope you do well in college.
10/14/2014 c4 darkfinder
little why give mir one of those oh well .
10/14/2014 c3 darkfinder
that was tamed stuff oh well can only get better .
10/13/2014 c17 6Kylemoor
It doesn't have cybernetic conversion in it, but check out Dead Space for horror inspiration. It's an EA horror/sci-fi game.

Something that does have something akin to cybernetic conversion is the old Quake series with the humanoid cybernetic alien race know as the Strogg.
10/13/2014 c17 fhr
Idk about cybernetic conversion, but I'd like Tali to be slave of Kira. But don't give her dick please :) Forced slave maybe? She doesn't want but Kira forces her to.
10/13/2014 c17 1hilt51
Individually based AIs (like EDI) not linked like the geth that take over a person with nanites then alter there host 's body to fit whatever purpose need. multiply by splitting up their nanites and putting them into a another host.
10/11/2014 c16 Hawk2012
Graet chapter, i vote for tali is only a slave to Kira
10/11/2014 c16 7Reaper7
You know, just a question that may or not be answered later. Is Miranda Pregnant? Is that why she wanted to talk with Shepard? Just wondering.
Anyway, keep it up! We await for the next chapter.
10/11/2014 c16 nighters625
only to kira
10/11/2014 c15 1NeverStopWriting
Kk gor the slaves if your just going to refer to them as "a slave" or "the slave" ect. Them asari human and shepards artificially made ones. However if ur gonna wanna describe some of them and actually gkve them names then it would be much easier to stick to humans or asari. That being said throwing in 1 or 2 mix species creations (if your looking for a challenge) would make it a slightly more interesting read. As for the animals im thinking a mix of something strong (mabye a bull like creature) and something loyal (dog?) So he is loving to you and he can demolish your enemys.
10/10/2014 c15 3Driger117
The S;ave race would be nice
10/9/2014 c15 lookingforgoodstories
I beleve that for the slave race

1. That while making them asari would be a good way to knock the high and mighty matriarchs down a peg it would cause more problems then it's worth.

2. If your going to make a completely new slave race in ME deffietly go for Twi'leks. You might even be able to say that kira loves the old starwars movies and that's how she got the first ideas for her army just like how you showed us she got the organ idea from warhammer 40K.

3. If you do use Twi'leks remember that the leku (head tials) are an extremely sex zone on their species. Just think of all the uses for 2 highly sensitive organs just hanging around where ever they go and maybe give them a little bit of muscle control over them so they can twitch and wiggle on their own or wrap around the neck when they sleep.

4. Since your going to use a tentacle breeder there is no reason to make male Twi'leks but perhaps kira would make a system of giving successful or in-charge slaves cocks as rewards or a sign of high rank somthing for the slaves to clime towards.

As for the warbeast idea I would really like to see a real life Cerberus since kira's going to be taking over the organization anyways. More specifically I would suggest the Cerberus from an animated show called class of the titans in the late 2000's. Their Cerberus is awesome and first seen around episode 4 or so but i would perhaps down it's size to a ponie not an 18 hand warhorse or the 12 foot high monster in the show; unless you want the clone army to ride them into battle. Having said that last part I am reminded that in ME3 you found the skull of a krogan riding warbeast that was extinkt to be cloned. Below is a link sorry for the low video quality this site is usually much, much better.

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