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5/26/2020 c17 bookworm4eva'n'eva
is this story discontinued?
10/22/2015 c17 Guest
More more more more more please please please please please
7/26/2015 c17 Emma
Oh the cats out of the bag now bad Zachariah. I must sat when I read the epilogue set before TID but after TMI I was at a loss however, it its a very interesting read. To say TID was written before TMI but hey that is why we all have our own minds. I loved reading this. It must be very confusing for all the characters in this story though. Brother Zachariah and Jem Carstairs meeting one another to say they are the same person. Neither Will of Jem know who Tessa is, very interesting indeed. Its unfortunate because Jem knows that in the future he will die (although pretty sure he had the feeling he would). But at least he eventually gets to be with Tessa as a mortal. I would like to read more.
7/3/2015 c17 1RoseAllies
Please Update! This is 2015!
3/30/2015 c17 Jerry
It's really good to read. I think i got hooked on the story after th first chapter.
2/23/2015 c17 Must-Think-Of-Username
Aaaaaaaah, I love this sooooo much, *Full-on fangirl attack*. I just love Will and Jace sassing each other.
2/23/2015 c5 Must-Think-Of-Username
Gods, I love this so much! I'm fangirling really hard. But, (not meant as criticism because you couldn't have known) the last Dutch sentence is grammatically incorrect, and just for the heck of it, not that it will be useful at any point of your life, it should be; Hij heeft het nodig. I seriously love this story anyways.
2/16/2015 c17 Guest
Please update! It's a great story and it makes me sad to see you haven't updated in a while!
12/14/2014 c2 Guest
Just saying women and Mandrian should have a space in it so its wo men
11/23/2014 c2 23LunaScamander17
Damn is Sial in indonesian, just for your information, I'm indonesian by the way :)
9/21/2014 c16 24ashesandhoney
And the description keeps getting better!

This might read better with more paragraph breaks to spread out the action. You can use paragraphs to start and stop the reader's attention and force them to pay or less attention to different parts. For example Will almost getting his head bitten off, that's an important instant, if you put it in its own paragraph it will call attention to it.

Little bitty spelling things: sincerely and exchanged and simultaneously

I like the emotional note at the end of this about Will learning to trust other people. I think that that is an interesting and important character arc for that boy. He needs to learn that.
9/21/2014 c14 ashesandhoney
I love this idea and this scenario and you do a wonderful job of keeping characters in character. Jem's insecurity here is very him. Of course Will would make an idiot decision on his behalf but he would doubt that others - especially strangers who knew he was an addict - would do the same. I like the way the two of them are so protective of one another.

Your dialogue is strong but sometimes the dialogue tags get buried in the paragraphs - give each speaker their own paragraph to help keep it clear.

And I am going to assume you got this feedback from someone on one of your other chapters: more physical description! I say you must have gotten that feedback before because your description is much stronger in this chapter than in some of the preceding ones. Your character description in particular is good in this chapter, Jace's body language for example.

You could still give us more setting description to help paint fuller pictures. I struggle with this as well and it's one of the things that the books in this series do extremely well - they're very visual.

I followed a link from angel-gidget off tumblr to get here and I am really enjoying this story. I look forward to see where it is going to go.
9/4/2014 c17 2Izombkllr
That was cool
8/31/2014 c1 8Renesmee4eva
I know there are more chapters but this is a great first chapter! I'm looking forward to reading the rest!
8/28/2014 c17 LOVERGIRL
Update soon!
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