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for The Journey of Nine Paths

9/25/2016 c1 4Jacklvmage12
I shall not judge this for now. I have already shot down two of your stories and wish to leave one for now. Do not expect mercy from me. There will be judgement.
2/1/2016 c2 8Ndasuunye
yeah his mother is killed, He isn't confronted by the Hokage nothing about Itachi or the fact that massacre was just done but off to training and does not reflect one bit about his mother's death. makes sense. I'm sorry this is terrible, your completely jumping through this story with no reflections on the previously mentioned events. No effort at all put into finding a supposed "rare" summoning scroll, followed by him successfully subduing a Jounin level ninja and he still in Academy? No I'm calling bullshit. This isn't a well done fanfic. No flesh just unbelievable script writing here.
2/1/2016 c1 Ndasuunye
Its hard to judge because it reads more like a script and less like a story. Simple premise but I'm not ENTIRELY hooked because its too monotonous. Not a good pull for a story starter.
12/14/2015 c2 HellaDope
...idk the story seems good mother survives only to die unlocking rinnegan (with a twist which includes 9paths instead of 6 (but I mean giving the MIGHTY kyuubi animal path?)) But I felt no empathy for naruto when his mum died.. because you didn't write ANY interaction. It was basically she's alive narutos running to uchiha residence oh yeah sasuke abd naruto are besties then oh no she dead... then not soon after that you don't really let it sink in You basically cut straight to here's torra she(?) Is a demon with a contract coincidence that's what I need boom I'll give you animal path. But my main concern.. this is where I stopped reading because (I'm sorry) I literally started crying for laughing. I mean you called kurama Jack. . . Just jack ? It doesn't suit the name style. In all honesty if you asked your English teacher (off your still in school) or someone whose really good with literature etc... too help you. This story could be awesome cause now that I've seen this premise I really want to read a decent story about it.
**tl;dr**
Skipping way too much. Not getting emotionally invested in character. Things are happening because you told us not because we read it. Get someone to help you with your writing to make it easier to understand and become more deep (teacher or something)
And finally I mean seriously. JACK? ...jack
7/6/2015 c8 giboh92
Update soon...
6/2/2015 c4 dbtiger63
A bit confusing when Kurenai is mentioned. There are references to "him", "he" when Kurenai is a women correct? Also Hinata, Naruto and Sasuke make up the genin cell but Yuki is mentioned during the test scene. Also Kurenai acts like Kakashi would normally so I wonder if the sensei is correct?

Thanks

DB
5/28/2015 c4 Guest
Hello you are mixing up the people on the teams.
You had Hinata, Sasuke and Naruto on one team then it was Sasuke, Naruto and Yuki. Pleas get it together because I am confused.
5/27/2015 c1 3g14ims5pkpXG1bbOzG
... Alright. I can definitely tell that it's your first fanfiction. Is this your first time writing, ever? It looks like it. So... you wanted KIND feedback. (Ugh. Kindness. What is that?)

First of all, please, for the LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT USE ASTERISKS AS LINE BREAKS. Use the handy dandy line break tool that the website offers. Please? Please?

Also, I'm afraid to say that the entire premise of this story is flawed. It makes no sense. It seems to me like you're doing this to cop-out of doing any character development by—

Right. Nice. Uh... compliments! Compliments are nice! Er... you have varied vocab? You vary your diction, which is somewhat refreshing.

Alright, alright. I won't say anything more unless you want me to. PM me and I will honestly, and I mean honestly, give you constructive criticism. I will help your grammar, your characterization, and your plot, but only if you want me to. I don't like wasting time.

See, I understand that it's your first fanfic. The first fanfic is always the hardest to do, and it's the most nerve-wracking. Kudos to putting your work out to the public. The only way to improve is by continuing to write. Practice. PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE. Don't let crotchety jerks like me keep you from writing, but try to listen to their advice.

The only thing worse than not writing is ignoring good (I mean GOOD) advice. I wish you best of luck in your writing!
8/29/2014 c4 17Era-chan
Your story isn't bad at all. I just feel that the transition needs some help. Also, it would be nice to know some consequences to previous events, such as the Uchiha massacre. You immediately have Naruto search for a summoning contract but failed to give details as to how Sasuke reacted to seeing his clan massacred? Also, what about the Hyuuga family's reaction to the kidnapping? The basics are there in your story, but there are some missing parts that could make your story better.

Wish you the best!
7/27/2014 c3 5MYK-ON
ohhh hahah poor kiba... not!
good chapter
7/17/2014 c2 4Ignighter05
i can say this i like the style and plot of the story so far but i might sujest you try to make the chapters longer.
7/16/2014 c2 5MYK-ON
well see I love this
7/13/2014 c1 your little sis
wow man good job keep up the good work maybe one day you can make a name for your self on this stuff I love you
7/8/2014 c1 Guest
Crap

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