for Natsu Finds His Swords in a Mermaid9/3/2018 c11 ArifPG
Oh man... I hope the sequel will be released soon because this story is so awesome!
Oh man... I hope the sequel will be released soon because this story is so awesome!
4/12/2018 c6 Rebmul
that legend was hilariously specific " a man trained by the king of fire betrayed by friends and the woman he loved will be forced to do battle with the king of dragons or all will be lost" might have been better
that legend was hilariously specific " a man trained by the king of fire betrayed by friends and the woman he loved will be forced to do battle with the king of dragons or all will be lost" might have been better
4/10/2018 c11 okwilague afeez
i love the story. please continue the wonderful story. i will be the grateful. Thanks
i love the story. please continue the wonderful story. i will be the grateful. Thanks
4/10/2018 c11 okwilague afeez
i love the story. please continue
i love the story. please continue
6/18/2017 c5 myra
awwwwwww cute widdle kitties!
awwwwwww cute widdle kitties!
4/16/2017 c1 Lilli Zwingly
this is so cute!,,
this is so cute!,,
2/26/2017 c7 
2Angryhenry
Bro, did u really copy lines from Plasnix' Dragon and the Mermaids? not cool.
When they fought the Ceero while chasing Zancrow. not cool.
2AngryhenryBro, did u really copy lines from Plasnix' Dragon and the Mermaids? not cool.
When they fought the Ceero while chasing Zancrow. not cool.
1/26/2017 c2 Kratzbesen
Hey Christopher Dragkrow,
I decided to review your story when I stopped to read it at the first part of the 'Normal PoV' on Chapter 2. But first, please consider this my personal opinion only and, perhaps, as a form of constructive cirticism.
Your writing style, as far as I read, is hard to follow. What makes it hard for me are two things. First, multiple people are talking in one text bracket. Second, at the beginning of your use of direct speech you use quotation marks and a space. Therefore, I would like to suggest you to separate the action of different characters via a new paragraph and, additionally, suggest you to leave the space after your quotation marks at the beginning of direct speech.
Please allow me the following example from the end of Chapter 2:
"Fine, if you feel that way, I will leave this fucking pathetic guild and never return!" Natsu growled.
"It's not like we want you to be here you useless flame brain," Gray laughed.
This, however, is not the reason why I decided to stop reading your story.
Your story, over all, sounds very intriguing, and it was, until I've read through, as I said, the first part of your Normal PoV at the beginning of Chapter 2. The reason I stopped is that at this point I personally was really disappointed to find Kagura to already be somewhat in love with Natsu. I personally cannot read a story with an unusual parings, which I generally prefer to read, and find one of characters already in love with the other, just because it makes their relationship much easier to develop in the story. Perhaps there are other reasons to make one of them already in love with the other, but for me, especially with unusual pairings, there needs to be a development on both sides before they even go as far as to even think about liking the other. Specifically in your story, with the original Fairy Tail story as a premiss to yours (which it is to every Fairy Tail Fanfiction), there is no way that Kagura already liked Natsu. When the manga did not introduce even a hint to there being such feelings between the two, you as an auther will have to establish them and go from there, not finger-snap them into existance without forgone action. Let the romance develop on both sides. Let them both fal in love with each other.
An overwhelmingly large majority of stories on featuring creative and intriguing stories with unusual parings make the same, in my views, mistake you did. I did not review those, however. The reason I did review yours, was that I find your idea to be above average; and the large majority of stories are average, and more often than not, below average.
As I have said at the very beginning, and I say it again, this is my personal opinion only. Nonetheless, I do hope this review to be a helpful premiss for you to continue to improve in your story writing, if you so desire.
Hey Christopher Dragkrow,
I decided to review your story when I stopped to read it at the first part of the 'Normal PoV' on Chapter 2. But first, please consider this my personal opinion only and, perhaps, as a form of constructive cirticism.
Your writing style, as far as I read, is hard to follow. What makes it hard for me are two things. First, multiple people are talking in one text bracket. Second, at the beginning of your use of direct speech you use quotation marks and a space. Therefore, I would like to suggest you to separate the action of different characters via a new paragraph and, additionally, suggest you to leave the space after your quotation marks at the beginning of direct speech.
Please allow me the following example from the end of Chapter 2:
"Fine, if you feel that way, I will leave this fucking pathetic guild and never return!" Natsu growled.
"It's not like we want you to be here you useless flame brain," Gray laughed.
This, however, is not the reason why I decided to stop reading your story.
Your story, over all, sounds very intriguing, and it was, until I've read through, as I said, the first part of your Normal PoV at the beginning of Chapter 2. The reason I stopped is that at this point I personally was really disappointed to find Kagura to already be somewhat in love with Natsu. I personally cannot read a story with an unusual parings, which I generally prefer to read, and find one of characters already in love with the other, just because it makes their relationship much easier to develop in the story. Perhaps there are other reasons to make one of them already in love with the other, but for me, especially with unusual pairings, there needs to be a development on both sides before they even go as far as to even think about liking the other. Specifically in your story, with the original Fairy Tail story as a premiss to yours (which it is to every Fairy Tail Fanfiction), there is no way that Kagura already liked Natsu. When the manga did not introduce even a hint to there being such feelings between the two, you as an auther will have to establish them and go from there, not finger-snap them into existance without forgone action. Let the romance develop on both sides. Let them both fal in love with each other.
An overwhelmingly large majority of stories on featuring creative and intriguing stories with unusual parings make the same, in my views, mistake you did. I did not review those, however. The reason I did review yours, was that I find your idea to be above average; and the large majority of stories are average, and more often than not, below average.
As I have said at the very beginning, and I say it again, this is my personal opinion only. Nonetheless, I do hope this review to be a helpful premiss for you to continue to improve in your story writing, if you so desire.
1/11/2017 c3 3VelocityRaptor
OC
Name: Ava Jakobs
Age: 24
Guild Mark: Back of the neck, blue
Clothing: Wears a black cowgirl hat, silver biker's vest, gray shirt, black pants and boots.
Appearance: Long brown shoulder length hair, slightly tanned skin, golden eyes
Personality: She has a bright, cheerful, and often childlike personality. She may be a little immature, but she wouldn't hesitate to go all out in a fight and get serious
Magic: Requip: The Gunner, Guns Magic, Eye Magic
Strengths: She is accurate from a ridiculously long distance
Weaknesses: Not all enemies can be beaten by her guns. She may have to use knives for them. Also, she cannot use multiple Eye Magic spells at the same time.
Equipment: Her guns consist of revolvers, shotguns, sniper rifles, assault rifles, machine guns, bazookas, and even a laser cannon
Guns Magic spells:
Blast Bullet (revolver, or sniper rifle) - fires an explosive magical bullet
Healing Bullet (revolver, or sniper rifle) - fires a magical bullet that heals whoever it hits
Atomic Blast (shotgun) - fires an array of blue pellets that explode and destroy a small area
Flashing Shot (any gun) - fires a bullet that explodes into a bright light, blinding foes for a short time
Tornado Shot (any gun) - fires a bullet enhanced with air
Energy Seeker Barrage (automatic weapons) - fires a barrage of blue magic bullets that home in on their target
Piercing Shot (sniper rifle) - fires a magic bullet that pierces through even concrete
Trident Blast (bazooka) - fires a magic explosive that splits into three
Plasma Blade (laser cannon) - creates a massive blue blade made of energy from the laser cannon's barrel and swings it at the foe. The blade dissipates after one use.
Omnidirectional Expansion
Eye Magic spells:
Darkness Eye - the user's eye glows purple and has two effects: allows the user to see in the dark or blind foes for a few seconds.
Eagle's Sight - the user's eye turns yellow and allows them to see ridiculously long distances
Infra Sight - the user's eye turns red and allows them to see their enemies and allies through walls and other obstacles
Backstory:
Like Bisca, she was an immigrant from the west, and she struck out on her own as a mercenary as her arsenal and magic power increased in size and power. At one point, she met Shien Yagami and offered to help him out on another job. Tired of the same old jobs, she intends to join a guild and runs into Natsu.
3VelocityRaptorOC
Name: Ava Jakobs
Age: 24
Guild Mark: Back of the neck, blue
Clothing: Wears a black cowgirl hat, silver biker's vest, gray shirt, black pants and boots.
Appearance: Long brown shoulder length hair, slightly tanned skin, golden eyes
Personality: She has a bright, cheerful, and often childlike personality. She may be a little immature, but she wouldn't hesitate to go all out in a fight and get serious
Magic: Requip: The Gunner, Guns Magic, Eye Magic
Strengths: She is accurate from a ridiculously long distance
Weaknesses: Not all enemies can be beaten by her guns. She may have to use knives for them. Also, she cannot use multiple Eye Magic spells at the same time.
Equipment: Her guns consist of revolvers, shotguns, sniper rifles, assault rifles, machine guns, bazookas, and even a laser cannon
Guns Magic spells:
Blast Bullet (revolver, or sniper rifle) - fires an explosive magical bullet
Healing Bullet (revolver, or sniper rifle) - fires a magical bullet that heals whoever it hits
Atomic Blast (shotgun) - fires an array of blue pellets that explode and destroy a small area
Flashing Shot (any gun) - fires a bullet that explodes into a bright light, blinding foes for a short time
Tornado Shot (any gun) - fires a bullet enhanced with air
Energy Seeker Barrage (automatic weapons) - fires a barrage of blue magic bullets that home in on their target
Piercing Shot (sniper rifle) - fires a magic bullet that pierces through even concrete
Trident Blast (bazooka) - fires a magic explosive that splits into three
Plasma Blade (laser cannon) - creates a massive blue blade made of energy from the laser cannon's barrel and swings it at the foe. The blade dissipates after one use.
Omnidirectional Expansion
Eye Magic spells:
Darkness Eye - the user's eye glows purple and has two effects: allows the user to see in the dark or blind foes for a few seconds.
Eagle's Sight - the user's eye turns yellow and allows them to see ridiculously long distances
Infra Sight - the user's eye turns red and allows them to see their enemies and allies through walls and other obstacles
Backstory:
Like Bisca, she was an immigrant from the west, and she struck out on her own as a mercenary as her arsenal and magic power increased in size and power. At one point, she met Shien Yagami and offered to help him out on another job. Tired of the same old jobs, she intends to join a guild and runs into Natsu.
1/10/2017 c1 VelocityRaptor
Backstory for my OC
Shien, like Erza and the Oracion Seis members, was a slave in the Tower of Heaven. Seeing Erza's courage, he saw her as an inspiration but never heard of her again when he left the tower. Years later, he hears of her reputation as a powerful mage, and learns a new form of Requip: The Knight to someday take her on and defeat her. Over the years, he obtained all sorts of weapons like katanas, clubs, spears, magic bows, and even bombs. Originally working solo as his skills evolved and earned him his "Devilish Sword" nickname, he runs into Natsu.
Backstory for my OC
Shien, like Erza and the Oracion Seis members, was a slave in the Tower of Heaven. Seeing Erza's courage, he saw her as an inspiration but never heard of her again when he left the tower. Years later, he hears of her reputation as a powerful mage, and learns a new form of Requip: The Knight to someday take her on and defeat her. Over the years, he obtained all sorts of weapons like katanas, clubs, spears, magic bows, and even bombs. Originally working solo as his skills evolved and earned him his "Devilish Sword" nickname, he runs into Natsu.
1/7/2017 c11 IcicleWarrior
I love this story so continue. If you need an OC then you have one. I'm also on Wattpad if you want to see my stories for OC ideas.
Name: Tsukiko Nakamura
Guild Mark Placement/Color: Left Shoulder/Icy Blue
Gender: Female
Age: 19
Appearance: Long straight white hair with side bangs. Eyes are hazel. Wears a silk long sleeve collar shirt that has the sleeves folded up once. Over that is a black leather vest with a golden trim around the edge that has a collar folds that is under her white collar. Covering her bottom is a pair of brown cargo pants with a red colored belt over that. She wears no socks in her knee-high pitch black boots. Around her neck is a white pendant of a cross. A golden hilted sword is attached to the right side of her belt while three daggers hanf from the back of her belt. Over all of that, she wears a white hooded cloak.
Magic: Ice Dragon Slayer Magic (Uses Ice Galaxy Dragon and Ice Sky Dragon Mode later on); Re-quip
Weapons: Double-edged swords, Daggers
Weaknesses: Motion sickness; Exposure to intense heat pressures; Is ticklish in her back.
Move Set: (Continuous Dragon Slayer Moves such as Iron Fist, Wing Attack, Roar will not be on here)
Scaled Daggers- Summons dozens of ice-made daggers from the floor of ice she creates before see launches them at the enemy with her hands.
Hailstorm- Icy winds come forward and throw her opponent into the air. She usually uses Ice Dragon': Talon with this move as a combo.
Icicle Blade- Covers her forearms with ice, causing them to look like blades on her arms. Dispels itself afterwards.
Secret Art: Raging Frost breath- Shoots out a torrent of frosty wind from her jaw at her opponent. It will usually freeze its target before she uses Ice Dragon's Ice Blade in combination.
Secret Art: Ice Spiral Caliber- Twirls her arms around in front of her to summon two spirals of hail, snow, and ice to chuck at her opponents. The opposing team will have a hard time getting up. Sometimes freezes her opponents to the ground if she's lucky
Secret Art: Icy Wind Ray- Requires the user to flip onto their hands and shoot a ray of icy wind from their feet. She uses this to push herself off the ground to reach flying or levitating opponents.
Secret Art: Glacial Beam- A beam of cold water that is cold as glaciers.
Ice Galaxy Dragon Mode Move Set
Universe Ray- A ray of ice the colors of the galaxy that comes out of her palms. Sometimes burns instead of freezes.
Shattering Scales- Like the move Scaled Daggers, only instead, the daggers shatter before impaling themselves into her opponent'a body.
Exploding Slash- Ice covers her forearms into a blade-like shape that curves back. When the attack connects with an opponent, the blade explodes, not causing harm to the user.
Secret Art: Astral Blast- Arms begin to cover itself with frost before the user releases a blast of cold icy star shaped glacier chunks at the opponent. May cause damage to the user if not careful.
Secret Art: Blizzard of a Thousand Soles- A freezing blizzard that contains the soles of the lives that she took to save herself while fighting against dark mages. Can only be used once a month. She used it only when necessary.
Back story: Tsukiko was raised by the Ice Dagon Queen, Alacondra. Like the other dragons, Alacondra disappeared on the seventh day of the seventh month of the year 777x. Tsukiko wandered for most of her life until at age 9, a dark guild found her. When she saw how mercilessly they killed other people, she ran off, trying to escape them only to be caught again. This time, she fought back and killed her attackers by accident. Tsukiko didn't know what else to do so she stayed hidden near the town of Magnolia where she witnessed the parade of people returning from the Grand Magic Games. After that, she decided to hone her skills as a dragon slayer to one day rejoin the people out there. Then she met a certain pink haired dragon slayer...
Personality: Cold; Elder sister type; Kind of an Introvert; Serious; Hates Puns and Jokes; Distant
You can tone her power down if you need to. Do your best with the sequel!
I love this story so continue. If you need an OC then you have one. I'm also on Wattpad if you want to see my stories for OC ideas.
Name: Tsukiko Nakamura
Guild Mark Placement/Color: Left Shoulder/Icy Blue
Gender: Female
Age: 19
Appearance: Long straight white hair with side bangs. Eyes are hazel. Wears a silk long sleeve collar shirt that has the sleeves folded up once. Over that is a black leather vest with a golden trim around the edge that has a collar folds that is under her white collar. Covering her bottom is a pair of brown cargo pants with a red colored belt over that. She wears no socks in her knee-high pitch black boots. Around her neck is a white pendant of a cross. A golden hilted sword is attached to the right side of her belt while three daggers hanf from the back of her belt. Over all of that, she wears a white hooded cloak.
Magic: Ice Dragon Slayer Magic (Uses Ice Galaxy Dragon and Ice Sky Dragon Mode later on); Re-quip
Weapons: Double-edged swords, Daggers
Weaknesses: Motion sickness; Exposure to intense heat pressures; Is ticklish in her back.
Move Set: (Continuous Dragon Slayer Moves such as Iron Fist, Wing Attack, Roar will not be on here)
Scaled Daggers- Summons dozens of ice-made daggers from the floor of ice she creates before see launches them at the enemy with her hands.
Hailstorm- Icy winds come forward and throw her opponent into the air. She usually uses Ice Dragon': Talon with this move as a combo.
Icicle Blade- Covers her forearms with ice, causing them to look like blades on her arms. Dispels itself afterwards.
Secret Art: Raging Frost breath- Shoots out a torrent of frosty wind from her jaw at her opponent. It will usually freeze its target before she uses Ice Dragon's Ice Blade in combination.
Secret Art: Ice Spiral Caliber- Twirls her arms around in front of her to summon two spirals of hail, snow, and ice to chuck at her opponents. The opposing team will have a hard time getting up. Sometimes freezes her opponents to the ground if she's lucky
Secret Art: Icy Wind Ray- Requires the user to flip onto their hands and shoot a ray of icy wind from their feet. She uses this to push herself off the ground to reach flying or levitating opponents.
Secret Art: Glacial Beam- A beam of cold water that is cold as glaciers.
Ice Galaxy Dragon Mode Move Set
Universe Ray- A ray of ice the colors of the galaxy that comes out of her palms. Sometimes burns instead of freezes.
Shattering Scales- Like the move Scaled Daggers, only instead, the daggers shatter before impaling themselves into her opponent'a body.
Exploding Slash- Ice covers her forearms into a blade-like shape that curves back. When the attack connects with an opponent, the blade explodes, not causing harm to the user.
Secret Art: Astral Blast- Arms begin to cover itself with frost before the user releases a blast of cold icy star shaped glacier chunks at the opponent. May cause damage to the user if not careful.
Secret Art: Blizzard of a Thousand Soles- A freezing blizzard that contains the soles of the lives that she took to save herself while fighting against dark mages. Can only be used once a month. She used it only when necessary.
Back story: Tsukiko was raised by the Ice Dagon Queen, Alacondra. Like the other dragons, Alacondra disappeared on the seventh day of the seventh month of the year 777x. Tsukiko wandered for most of her life until at age 9, a dark guild found her. When she saw how mercilessly they killed other people, she ran off, trying to escape them only to be caught again. This time, she fought back and killed her attackers by accident. Tsukiko didn't know what else to do so she stayed hidden near the town of Magnolia where she witnessed the parade of people returning from the Grand Magic Games. After that, she decided to hone her skills as a dragon slayer to one day rejoin the people out there. Then she met a certain pink haired dragon slayer...
Personality: Cold; Elder sister type; Kind of an Introvert; Serious; Hates Puns and Jokes; Distant
You can tone her power down if you need to. Do your best with the sequel!