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for The Real Malfoy

7/11/2021 c5 Guest
plsd lucifer and loki
8/11/2015 c1 11Jess-C96
Hi so i chose to read your story because i thought that the storyline was brilliant, harry able to hear draco's thoughts - genius! However, i soon found that there was no way i could continue to read this story due to the layout and incorrect use of grammar. I know nobody is perfect when it comes to things like that - i know for sure that im not haha - but having a good layout and good grammar and spelling abd punctuation etc makes stories so much easier on the eyes. Your idea is amazing and if you're looking for a beta, I'd be interested in taking on the role if you allow me to. Again, great storyline but within the first three paragraphs i couldnt stop cringing at the layout etc. Feel free to PM me if you want a beta :)
7/16/2014 c2 HyperxKitty
Interesting story line. I like that you wanted to shed a good light on Draco, however i don't believe that Harry would have access to electricity to power his muggle TV and PlayStation, in the Chamber of Secrets. You are a great story teller, I suggest you add more detail into the surroundings or how each character felt. Like I said, great story line, but very sappy way to put it. You could do so much more with this story if it were to not be so far off the main idea of Harry Potter and the Magical world. I also don't find it believable that Dumbledore would pretty much do whatever Harry asked him without any question. Agreeing with the previous reviewer the format isn't ideal. When there is a conversation between 2 characters hit the enter key to show that, so the readers understand this is a conversation and this is a paragraph explaining how the Chamber of Secrets looks to Draco, being that he has never seen the Chamber before. You have raw potential, just crossing the t's and dotting the i's now.
7/14/2014 c5 3EmeraldGrey123
This story is really good, and I have read it all the way through, but the formatting is a bit painful on the eyes to be honest... Can I suggest a beta? Or at least a line space between each character talking? I think your story would benefit greatly. I wouldn't mind helping, but unfortunately I'm not a beta myself. Please don't be offended, I do mean well - you've got some really good ideas and I look forward to more chapters, I just think better presentation would really help :)

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