for A Red Spark6/17/2015 c3 Wings of Hope
Were you aware that Eldridge it's an actual city in the state of Iowa in the Scott County? If you think I'm lying just look up Eldridge Iowa you show up on a map I promise I would know I live near it
Were you aware that Eldridge it's an actual city in the state of Iowa in the Scott County? If you think I'm lying just look up Eldridge Iowa you show up on a map I promise I would know I live near it
6/16/2015 c3 Guest
Your writing isn't bad but the characters are incredibly OOC.
Superboy wouldn't blatantly wonder why they need new members and object to your OC joining the Team. Did you see him object to Artemis? Zatanna? Rocket? No. So why would he object to your OC?
Artemis wouldn't question on whether or not she can be trusted. That's not her place. If Black Canary brought a new hero to the Team and said they were joining, everyone would accept it. However, new members are Nightwing's business- or after the Invasion, Aqualad's business as Team leader.
Miss Martian would never try to pry through her mind. It was firmly established in season one she could only read the bad guys minds. She would NEVER try to read your OCs mind. Then there's also the fact your OC wouldn't be able to push Miss Martian out of her head. Only people specially trained- like Ivo and Bane- or another telepath could push her out. Not to mention the fact it was also established Miss Martian has the strongest telepathic mind in basically all of the YJ world.
Nobody would ask your OC about her powers. Nobody on the Team cares whether or not your OC has powers. In fact, they don't care if a member has powers or not. Everyone brings something to the Team. They'd welcome her and introduce themselves. Not bombard her with OOC questions.
If having your OC fight Impulse is your way of having the Team be impressed with your OC, you're doing it wrong. They wouldn't be impressed. They've all seen how the Nightwing, Robin, and the rest of the Batfamily fights and they're the best of the best. They've also seen Canary. No fighting style would impress them.
Impulse better stand a fair chance against your OC otherwise that'd make you OC a Mary Sue. It's fine if she's able to take him down, but it better be a fair fight and Impulse better get some hits in. After all, though Impulse relies on his speed hardcore, he definitely has the training to handle himself and isn't some weak being who will go down easily.
Your writing isn't bad but the characters are incredibly OOC.
Superboy wouldn't blatantly wonder why they need new members and object to your OC joining the Team. Did you see him object to Artemis? Zatanna? Rocket? No. So why would he object to your OC?
Artemis wouldn't question on whether or not she can be trusted. That's not her place. If Black Canary brought a new hero to the Team and said they were joining, everyone would accept it. However, new members are Nightwing's business- or after the Invasion, Aqualad's business as Team leader.
Miss Martian would never try to pry through her mind. It was firmly established in season one she could only read the bad guys minds. She would NEVER try to read your OCs mind. Then there's also the fact your OC wouldn't be able to push Miss Martian out of her head. Only people specially trained- like Ivo and Bane- or another telepath could push her out. Not to mention the fact it was also established Miss Martian has the strongest telepathic mind in basically all of the YJ world.
Nobody would ask your OC about her powers. Nobody on the Team cares whether or not your OC has powers. In fact, they don't care if a member has powers or not. Everyone brings something to the Team. They'd welcome her and introduce themselves. Not bombard her with OOC questions.
If having your OC fight Impulse is your way of having the Team be impressed with your OC, you're doing it wrong. They wouldn't be impressed. They've all seen how the Nightwing, Robin, and the rest of the Batfamily fights and they're the best of the best. They've also seen Canary. No fighting style would impress them.
Impulse better stand a fair chance against your OC otherwise that'd make you OC a Mary Sue. It's fine if she's able to take him down, but it better be a fair fight and Impulse better get some hits in. After all, though Impulse relies on his speed hardcore, he definitely has the training to handle himself and isn't some weak being who will go down easily.
11/23/2014 c2 
4reendesu
She's still kinda Sueish, don't get me wrong, I like the story. It's just that I don't want you guys to get flamed for something stupid. #StayStrong
4reendesuShe's still kinda Sueish, don't get me wrong, I like the story. It's just that I don't want you guys to get flamed for something stupid. #StayStrong
7/16/2014 c1 24catilyn
Well, great start! There are a lot of grammar mistakes and I really recommend you guys get a beta :)
Lila sounds great! She looks purr-ety original to me :D Except for the grammar, she's awesome so far!
Update soon!
24catilynWell, great start! There are a lot of grammar mistakes and I really recommend you guys get a beta :)
Lila sounds great! She looks purr-ety original to me :D Except for the grammar, she's awesome so far!
Update soon!
7/16/2014 c1 5sasha56dance
Very good animegal1357 Finally you wrote something :-) 400 words, new record!
5sasha56danceVery good animegal1357 Finally you wrote something :-) 400 words, new record!
7/16/2014 c1 4reendesu
Hmm. I think that your OC is a little unoriginal and actually the attributes send a message of Mary Sue. The grammar and spelling is off. The sassyish attitude, 13 year old age, and decriptive features implement some Mary Sue issues with Lila. And I don't know, but this sounds familiar. Especially with the villain-turned hero and the Robin (Tim Drake) thing in the filter.
4reendesuHmm. I think that your OC is a little unoriginal and actually the attributes send a message of Mary Sue. The grammar and spelling is off. The sassyish attitude, 13 year old age, and decriptive features implement some Mary Sue issues with Lila. And I don't know, but this sounds familiar. Especially with the villain-turned hero and the Robin (Tim Drake) thing in the filter.