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7/30/2014 c2 Guest
I know this is an AU, but Lucina is so out of character its painful. Even for AU. AU is never a reason to strip a character of all her backbone. Ever. Please, please, PLEASE go look up her Support Conversations in Awakening to get a better understanding of her character.

Here are some problems to begin with:

Chapter 1:

-She never had problems making friends. Tiki even describes her as the type that can inspire love and loyalty in her comrades. Like Marth. Who's ridiculously OOC here too.

-Lucina is not, exclusively, attracted to swordsmen. She can potentially fall for a nerdy mage, a guy that can turn into a bunny, or even a non-combatant (according to story at least) healer. Even with the physically orientated guys she can fall for, she falls for them for reasons OTHER than their strength... Actually, that's true for all of them, now that I think about it.

-She technically is a "cosplaying fangirl". She dresses up as Marth for a reason that is explained in game and she acknowledges that she's essentially cosplaying him (This leads to a rather amusing exchange when she fights a Fake Marth in DLC)

-Lucina herself has NEVER faced any sort of prejudice in the fighting department because she is a girl and a princess. She's neither a show-off nor attention seeker. She's modest about her skills and accomplishments and not to mention responsible. In one particular conversation, she downplays her own merits and actually says she was "just a child" in comparison to her parents and acknowledges how being a royal becomes with a crushing responsibility to bear alongside any privileges to enjoy.

-At her core, Lucina is a very heroic person and sees the best in everyone. She would NEVER look down on another woman for being a "damsel in distress."

Chapter 2

-Oh gods, the reason why she was invited is just...insanely hard to swallow. She grew up during a ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE and FOUGHT the zombies with everyone else! She's MORE than capable of taking care of herself! This also brings up the question of Morgan. And Ylisse. Being Fire Emblem royalty doesn't mean they can just run off and do what they like whenever they like. I suppose Morgan could be looking after Ylisse as a favor to his family (because it would be in character for him to do so), but still...

-She would NOT spend her time crying into her pillow because people insulted her. Granted, she is quite admired and looked up to among the playable cast, but when she is talked down to in DLC, her usual reply is to give a rebuttal and proceed to kick their asses.

At best, she's really wishy-washy in here. At worst, she comes off as whiney. A more in-character reaction to all the clone-hate she gets would be to keep her cool and ask WHY everybody hates her - she has the confidence and pluck to do it. They explain about their issue with clone characters. Now seeing the whole picture, Lucina gets why they dislike her and then seek to EARN their respect despite the fact that she is a clone.

Your story has potential and addresses a big meta issue, but they way the characters ACT ruins it completely. Especially Lucina. I KNOW you want people to sympathize with her, but the way she is acting (even factoring out the OOC), its hard to do so.

justonegamr has uploaded most of Awakening's Support Conversations on YouTube and SerenesForest has the scripts for most supports and all the DLC. I get that you want to write a story defending Lucina, but PLEASE respect her character and portray her as accurately as you can.
7/30/2014 c2 3RaionNoChi
Samus, Pit and peach are not the only characters who can accept Lucina.
I think Zelda and Palutena could accept her, and Bowser too if you follow the same reason like Samus and Pit, because like them from brawl to universe, his moveset is a little different. ( And also Bowser will necessarily help a sad woman.)
Lucario is not a bad guy, he can say that her aura is different from marth.
I think, I will stop here, because when you took a little closer to all characters, they are people who could accepte her
(sorry for my english. I'm french)
7/30/2014 c2 Tyrianis
The people who are angry at Lucina being a clone aren't being unreasonable. Sakurai stated in an interview that Lucina is a more accessible Marth, going as far as to say the have many of the same characteristics, such as speed. I believe Sakurai would have let us know if there were more differences than Lucina lacking a tipper and having uniform sword strength. This would mean she is more of a clone than any other clone before her. Still, I'm holding out hope.

Now, IMO Lucina wasn't bad as far as FE lords go - they often pale in comparison to other members of the cast - and I rather liked her. I find fault with many of the people who support her. Many of the people who support her tend to turn right around and bash Toon Link, Falco, and Ganondorf for being clones. When called out about it, they say it's because these aforementioned characters had potential to be different. Now tell me, in Awakening, do Lucina or Chrom (he taught Lucina the blade, so it's relevant) fight anything like Marth does in SSB4? Lucina had potential to be different, just as much as Toon Link or Ganondorf did/does. It leads me to believe that people only support her because she's a girl.

That being said, I'm glad she was added, as it was a matter of getting her as a character, an alternate costume to Marth, or not at all. While she's not my top pick for an FE newcomer (WHY CAN'T THE GBA GAMES GET A PLAYABLE REP? EPHRAIM AND HECTOR COULD BE UNIQUE!), I'd much rather have her in than not.

There are other complaints out there that are not about her being a clone. Instead people complain that FE shouldn't have more characters, clones or not, than other well-known franchises like Donkey Kong, Star Fox, or Metroid. I disagree with this sentiment.

Ranting aside, this is not a bad story. At points, you have me believing English is your first language. The characters seem a little out of character, like how Link, a normally silent protagonist, is screaming all the time or how irrationally rude Marth is. But for the sake of story, I find myself forgiving such things.

I'll be sure to keep an eye out for further updates.

P.S. When Master Hand says Lucina is only here because of her parents, you neglect to mention Morgan. What happened to him that kept him from Smash?
7/30/2014 c2 AFeralFurry
Link's being a hypocrite, if you think about it... Toon Link, anyone?

Then Mario has Luigi...

And Fox has Falco...

...Then again, they've been there a while. Maybe you could have one of them comfort Lucina? Just an idea.

The Lucina hate's still silly, though. Even if her moveset is exactly the same (And we only have roughly 15 or so seconds of gameplay of her, talk about jumping to conclusions) she'll play entirely differently at tournament level, just like Roy and Falco did in Melee.

Also, Lucina has to learn that the fanbase complains about everything. Hi-heels are just the top of the iceberg. How about the COLOR of Final Destination? Link's outfit being greener? The fanbase tends to complain a lot, haha. :)

Anyways, dramatic or not, you did show why they were uncomfortable with her and gave them reasoning. So they're still coming across as kind of mean, yes, but not overly so. You aren't going too far, yet. Too far would be everyone hating her, and her whining about how bad she has it for chapters on end. This is actually okay. :) I was just giving you some advice not to go too far. It's a hard thing, to show someone as having it hard, without them seeming like a whiner. You've done pretty well at showing she has it rough without going overboard. :)

And, unrelated to the story itself, but I want masked, short-haired Lucina as an alt costume.
7/30/2014 c2 alcamoth
That actually happened to Pit?
Well, considering Meta Knight's gone... And Olimar got downgraded... Yeah, not that surprised.
And Captain F-ing Falcon. What a jerk.
7/30/2014 c2 Guest
I think Lucina just got in because of fanservice and this "more female" hype. She also was planned as an alt, I have to admit that I would hate if she would be a alt. I rather want them to have they own spot istead of sharing one.

Poor Lucina tho
7/27/2014 c1 Guest
I don't like Lucina but I don't mind if she is in. The only problem I have is that she is a Marth Clone. Everybody who played Awakwening know that her fighting style is like Chrom's Style, which is nothing like Marth's fighting style. So they fight complete different, they just look alike. So for me they wasted potential with her. I must admit that for me Robin is enough from Awakening in SSB4 but yeah.

Marth acts very OOC here... and your english is good :)
7/27/2014 c1 AFeralFurry
Actually, I liked Lucina. She's basically a better Roy, so it seems. I'll try her come the release.

I do admit though that I'd rather have gotten Roy back. Not because I like him more, but mainly to avoid... Well, you know why you wrote the fic. Fanboys/girls that hate Lucina with a passion for edging him out.

...I mean, it's silly. WHY do Roy fans hate Lucina? She does exactly what he did, she just doesn't have fire. And Roy's not even that well liked by a lot of FE fans. :(

Robin was awesome, though.

Anyway, a fic exploring this concept will be pretty cool. Just... Don't go too overboard on the Lucina sympathy, okay? Go too far showing she's not well liked, and that'll just make her seem whiny and everyone else like jerks, y'know?

Also, your English isn't so bad. Especially by fanfic standards. It's perfectly readable, unlike something like *Shudder* MY IMMORTAL, which was (Supposedly) written by someone that speaks it.
7/27/2014 c1 11AwesomeDuskAngel
I feel so sorry for Lucina right now... ;_;
I can't wait to see where this goes! I look forward to reading the next chapter. Good luck! :D
7/27/2014 c1 3pokemon.rhoades
I agree with you. Lucina was my most wanted newcomer. When I saw her trailer, and discovered that she (along with her husband. I consider M!RobinxLucina to be canon) was in the game, I was got really excited.
7/27/2014 c1 alcamoth
But I wanted Shuuuuuuuuulk! D: My problem is, is that when a new character gets revealed they become sooooooo overrated. You know who I'm talking about *cough*Rosalina*cough*. So maybe Shulk joining might not be a good idea. :/

LOL, anyways, interesting concept! I wanna see where this goes! :D
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