for Finally8/14/2015 c1 Kitti
I honestly think this story has a lot of good potential for a re-write. With more detail on how Jareth and Sarah got into that sort of situation in the first place. What lead up to them being so angry? Why did Jareth just kill someone? Why was Sarah prepared to be killed as well?
To be honest this story seems a little rushed, but I personally think it would be wonderful with a more detailed plot line.
I honestly think this story has a lot of good potential for a re-write. With more detail on how Jareth and Sarah got into that sort of situation in the first place. What lead up to them being so angry? Why did Jareth just kill someone? Why was Sarah prepared to be killed as well?
To be honest this story seems a little rushed, but I personally think it would be wonderful with a more detailed plot line.
8/21/2014 c1 seadew
Very dramatic. I would like to see the conflict play out longer before the conclusion. Good writing.
Very dramatic. I would like to see the conflict play out longer before the conclusion. Good writing.
7/29/2014 c1 
35FrancesOsgood
This really has a lot of potential, so don't listen to naysayers. It is most definitely NOT dreadful. You have a great thought here and you've said a lot in few words. Keep writing! You'll only get better! If you have questions or need any advice there are lots of helpful people on this site who can give you honest (and kind) constructive criticism. I am just a PM away!
35FrancesOsgoodThis really has a lot of potential, so don't listen to naysayers. It is most definitely NOT dreadful. You have a great thought here and you've said a lot in few words. Keep writing! You'll only get better! If you have questions or need any advice there are lots of helpful people on this site who can give you honest (and kind) constructive criticism. I am just a PM away!
7/28/2014 c1 10TheRealEatsShootsAndLeaves
This is obviously a story written by a young writer and that's great. I can tell you want to write exciting stories and that's good. People want to read exciting stories.
Please do work on your grammar and punctuation skills and DON'T GIVE UP.
KEEP WRITING.
The best way to improve is through practice. Every story you write will help you to be a little bit better. So do keep going.
10TheRealEatsShootsAndLeavesThis is obviously a story written by a young writer and that's great. I can tell you want to write exciting stories and that's good. People want to read exciting stories.
Please do work on your grammar and punctuation skills and DON'T GIVE UP.
KEEP WRITING.
The best way to improve is through practice. Every story you write will help you to be a little bit better. So do keep going.
7/28/2014 c1 Honoria Granger
God, this is dreadful. And what, pray, is "the sound of sables"? Sable is the most expensive fur in the world; I doubt it makes much of a noise. Perhaps you mean "cymbals"? Just sayin'.
God, this is dreadful. And what, pray, is "the sound of sables"? Sable is the most expensive fur in the world; I doubt it makes much of a noise. Perhaps you mean "cymbals"? Just sayin'.