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for karia and the legendary warriors

2/4/2016 c2 8Light Hero Kaiser
Great chapter m8
1/17/2016 c1 ikariandcontestshippingforever
This is great fanfic so far. I want to know what happens next
7/30/2014 c1 Lord Baron
Sweet Mother of Pearl, let's get to work. You ready?

First, your spelling. In your bio, you have stated that you are in the eight grade. Your spelling does not reflect that, nor your sentence structure. There are websites that can help, obvious one is

Second, description. It can add life to a story but at the same time drown the reader with too much information if done incorrectly. Making your character a walking rainbow is painful, so please pick three colors with one neutral color to soften it. As an art student in training, I do recommend this as an easy guideline.

Third, the format of your story. It is very painful and choppy to read. A easier to read example would be :

Keeping her head low and avoiding eye contact with the eight headed Orochimon, Jeri smiled as she filled the dish with more sake. Her plan was simple and effective; get the demon snake monster drunk and meet up with Rika and the others.

There was a low rumble, akin to that of a far off echo of thunder. Jeri's smile grew wider.

"Human, get me more sake!" There was a slight slur in the monster's speech almost unnoticeable to the untrained ear, but to her, who had grown up helping around her father's restaurant which sold alcohol, it was perfect.

Her plan would work without a hitch.

****

Again the above is just a simple example from this one's rudimentary writing.

One last thing, keep characters in character. People came here to read about the Frontier gang, not the Frontier lookalike gang. However if they stayed for the OC's the that's cool too, ya?

Alright, I've killed enough time writing this on the phone... so this is Lord Baron of Muffins signing out.
7/30/2014 c1 3VeemonFan
Sweet! Takuya has a sister!
7/30/2014 c1 8Light Hero Kaiser
That was great m8 but why the cliffhanger

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