for The Roboutian Heresy11/4/2015 c1 Odlanier
First of all, I have to ask a question. Would you believe that I like your own timeline, history and stories that the canon from Games Workshop, Zahariel? That good I find your writing. Moving, emotional, well written.
You did a marvelous work so far for all the Legions. I liked the most, not in any particular order, what you did with the Emperor's Children, the Night Lords, the Iron Warriors and the Dark Angels. Specially with the sons of Perturabo; I think they are not as bitter as they are sorrowful of all that Guilliman made. I imagine the Lord of Iron is into a huge Comptentor Dreadnought.
Also, I don't think Konrad Curze is "too" good as you state. After all, we see him here being as brutal with who deserve it as he acted in the canon.
On the Astartes themselves, I love your depiction of Lucius, brave and stern in the face of death. Thank you for keeping Alexis Pollux as a loyalist, he is my favorite Imperial Fist. And about the Prince of Crows, if Konrad is Batman, Sevatar must be a mix of Jason Todd and Tim Drake. Things that appear in my head.
Like I said before, this is a marvelous work. Please keep going, many of us are expecting the coming chapters (no pun intended). I'm particularly expecting your take on Angron and the World Eaters, how from berserkers turn into the perfect army; and on Lorgar and the Word Bearers, of course.
First of all, I have to ask a question. Would you believe that I like your own timeline, history and stories that the canon from Games Workshop, Zahariel? That good I find your writing. Moving, emotional, well written.
You did a marvelous work so far for all the Legions. I liked the most, not in any particular order, what you did with the Emperor's Children, the Night Lords, the Iron Warriors and the Dark Angels. Specially with the sons of Perturabo; I think they are not as bitter as they are sorrowful of all that Guilliman made. I imagine the Lord of Iron is into a huge Comptentor Dreadnought.
Also, I don't think Konrad Curze is "too" good as you state. After all, we see him here being as brutal with who deserve it as he acted in the canon.
On the Astartes themselves, I love your depiction of Lucius, brave and stern in the face of death. Thank you for keeping Alexis Pollux as a loyalist, he is my favorite Imperial Fist. And about the Prince of Crows, if Konrad is Batman, Sevatar must be a mix of Jason Todd and Tim Drake. Things that appear in my head.
Like I said before, this is a marvelous work. Please keep going, many of us are expecting the coming chapters (no pun intended). I'm particularly expecting your take on Angron and the World Eaters, how from berserkers turn into the perfect army; and on Lorgar and the Word Bearers, of course.
10/15/2015 c9 Teefplucka
I was just thinking that for the future chapters about the canonically traitor legions, you should add some paragraphs about their more junior members as legion leaders or heroes in M41, kind of opposite of what you have done with the special characters of canonically loyal legions like Azrael, Ragnar, Lysander, Astorath, etc.
Now I know in the fluff most of the famous characters of canonically traitor legions are Long War veterans who have been around since the Horus Heresy, but you can still find quite a few possible candidates, such as Khrove and Marduk.
I was just thinking that for the future chapters about the canonically traitor legions, you should add some paragraphs about their more junior members as legion leaders or heroes in M41, kind of opposite of what you have done with the special characters of canonically loyal legions like Azrael, Ragnar, Lysander, Astorath, etc.
Now I know in the fluff most of the famous characters of canonically traitor legions are Long War veterans who have been around since the Horus Heresy, but you can still find quite a few possible candidates, such as Khrove and Marduk.
10/14/2015 c9 
1Laser11
I am very, VERY interested in how Logar ended up as a loyalist preaching for the Imperial Truth.
1Laser11I am very, VERY interested in how Logar ended up as a loyalist preaching for the Imperial Truth.
10/4/2015 c9 Amesgaizto
Great chapter, I really like how you took into consideration Sanguinius' personality to explain why he fell into chaos. I also like how the Bond between Sanguinius and Horus and how it turned out serves as a mirror to Ferrus's and Fulgrim's own bond and how i ended in the Horus Heresy. Also, can't wait for you to get to the Death Guard, they are my favorite legion and I can't wait to see wha happens with them. One last question, is there a possibility that yo uwill do an extra chaper detailign this version of Malcador's Kngiht Errants?
Great chapter, I really like how you took into consideration Sanguinius' personality to explain why he fell into chaos. I also like how the Bond between Sanguinius and Horus and how it turned out serves as a mirror to Ferrus's and Fulgrim's own bond and how i ended in the Horus Heresy. Also, can't wait for you to get to the Death Guard, they are my favorite legion and I can't wait to see wha happens with them. One last question, is there a possibility that yo uwill do an extra chaper detailign this version of Malcador's Kngiht Errants?
10/4/2015 c9 6Nemris
For a moment I thought that you had made them seem too much like followers of Khorne, but then I read on and found my worrying unnecessary.
Good job on Sangunius. Finally a guy who was pretty great pre heresy, like Fulgrim. I can see much in him that I see in Fulgrim, but there are indeed a some remarkable differences, he is not Fulgrim. Kinda unwilling traitor, which I think is great. Reminds me of somewhat Magnus as well. Both got tricked pretty hard.
Now you have created 3 of 4 of the specific god dedicated legion. Just one more to go, and I think they are the next in line.
Keep up the good work.
6NemrisFor a moment I thought that you had made them seem too much like followers of Khorne, but then I read on and found my worrying unnecessary.
Good job on Sangunius. Finally a guy who was pretty great pre heresy, like Fulgrim. I can see much in him that I see in Fulgrim, but there are indeed a some remarkable differences, he is not Fulgrim. Kinda unwilling traitor, which I think is great. Reminds me of somewhat Magnus as well. Both got tricked pretty hard.
Now you have created 3 of 4 of the specific god dedicated legion. Just one more to go, and I think they are the next in line.
Keep up the good work.
10/4/2015 c9 Spider
I'm sorry that I have not been keeping up with your influx of stories, But University life is currently taking up most of my attention.
Anyway, this is a great chapter: The fall of Sanguinius and the Blood Angels to Slaanesh (and Insanity in Sanguinius's case), as depicted here is done with great pathos, energy and it really shows that things could have been a lot worse for the Blood Angels. Beautifully Tragic.
The story of Leonatos of Eidolon: that can only come from the Bloodquest comic series, along with the Prisoners of the Eye of Terror audiobook. My short story preference would have to be "the Boy and the Word Bearer" suggestion, that I made in one of my past reviews.
I am looking forward to the last Stand of the Sons of Calth.
Keep up the good work. Spider out.
I'm sorry that I have not been keeping up with your influx of stories, But University life is currently taking up most of my attention.
Anyway, this is a great chapter: The fall of Sanguinius and the Blood Angels to Slaanesh (and Insanity in Sanguinius's case), as depicted here is done with great pathos, energy and it really shows that things could have been a lot worse for the Blood Angels. Beautifully Tragic.
The story of Leonatos of Eidolon: that can only come from the Bloodquest comic series, along with the Prisoners of the Eye of Terror audiobook. My short story preference would have to be "the Boy and the Word Bearer" suggestion, that I made in one of my past reviews.
I am looking forward to the last Stand of the Sons of Calth.
Keep up the good work. Spider out.
10/3/2015 c9 2Tanner151
Excellent chapter, Zahariel. I think your take on an insane Sanguinius was great, and surprising, as I expected him to be leading his Angels in some form like Dorn does with his Fists.
The Eidolon world I have no idea of.
But I have a question:
Do the Traitor Legions hunt down Ultramarine Chapter-Warbands, like the traitors of canon do to the Sons of Horus? Or do they not care/focus on the Blood Angels instead.
Overall, an excellent chapter.
2Tanner151Excellent chapter, Zahariel. I think your take on an insane Sanguinius was great, and surprising, as I expected him to be leading his Angels in some form like Dorn does with his Fists.
The Eidolon world I have no idea of.
But I have a question:
Do the Traitor Legions hunt down Ultramarine Chapter-Warbands, like the traitors of canon do to the Sons of Horus? Or do they not care/focus on the Blood Angels instead.
Overall, an excellent chapter.
10/3/2015 c9 dreddman
i was wondering how the blood angels could fall to slannesh. this seems plasible
i was wondering how the blood angels could fall to slannesh. this seems plasible
8/26/2015 c3 EDDIE GRANGE
felt a real affinity with what could have happened through the mirror of alternate reallity
felt a real affinity with what could have happened through the mirror of alternate reallity
7/10/2015 c8 1Das Amerikan
Great update! One thing that really irked me about the Dornian heresy (besides OUR SPIRTUAL LEIGE not worshipping Chaos) is that Alpha legion never got a offical section. Could you please do one?
1Das AmerikanGreat update! One thing that really irked me about the Dornian heresy (besides OUR SPIRTUAL LEIGE not worshipping Chaos) is that Alpha legion never got a offical section. Could you please do one?
6/28/2015 c8 Index Medicus
1. I'm afraid your version of legion size is far from credible - it is just too unbalanced and improbable. Moreover, even after taking Istvaan Massacre into account, forces of Traitors are too small and paltry. Especially when considering the fact with reversion of loyalty, attackers and defenders and all attendant pros/cons are now switched and quite opposite to canon, it seems post-Istvaan loyalist Legions are more or less intact thanks to foresight of Konrad - in addition, I am fairly skeptical in this universe, World Eaters speciality would be "close quarter combat".
It is obvious that this universe's Angron is closer to an all-rounded, coldly logical statesman-general-empire builder(according to resent update, "their own worlds" - very interestingly tidbit indeed) much like Roboute than mindless berserker of his counterpart. Also, I am greatly looking forward to see Rational! Logical! Sincere Imperial Truth Follower and Propagator! Lorgar of this universe and his Changed! unique life story - I am certain it would be a refreshing read.
2. Intriguingly, it seems Imperium is in much better shape compared to its canon self in numerous ways and fewer irrecoverable, priceless knowledge and technologies are lost - also, while bigotry, unreason, ignorance and fanaticism are still very pervasive, entire society and communities are much more healthy, sound, wholesome and less hateful, corrupt, indolent, inept, stratified, unfair, hopeless, etc.
I cannot help to think continued existence of Legions is the linchpin - it seems even Inquisition cannot raise their voice against them(for instance, World Eaters virtually ignored their prosecution ). Indeed, I am assured division of Legions the greatest error of Roboute. He practically butchered already fatally wounded Imperium Primus and turned its convulsing cadaver into much more morbidly grimdark Imperium Secundus - without Emperor's grandchildren as its true last-remained successors and preservers, old, good, rational, secular, progressive, hopeful Imperium we all know was eventually died out with His ideal - and that is when what I call extinction of dream truly began.
3. I recognize and appropriate author's considerable knowledge, research, effort and most of all, enthusiasm - this kind of alternate heresy is a decently thought-provoking reading.
1. I'm afraid your version of legion size is far from credible - it is just too unbalanced and improbable. Moreover, even after taking Istvaan Massacre into account, forces of Traitors are too small and paltry. Especially when considering the fact with reversion of loyalty, attackers and defenders and all attendant pros/cons are now switched and quite opposite to canon, it seems post-Istvaan loyalist Legions are more or less intact thanks to foresight of Konrad - in addition, I am fairly skeptical in this universe, World Eaters speciality would be "close quarter combat".
It is obvious that this universe's Angron is closer to an all-rounded, coldly logical statesman-general-empire builder(according to resent update, "their own worlds" - very interestingly tidbit indeed) much like Roboute than mindless berserker of his counterpart. Also, I am greatly looking forward to see Rational! Logical! Sincere Imperial Truth Follower and Propagator! Lorgar of this universe and his Changed! unique life story - I am certain it would be a refreshing read.
2. Intriguingly, it seems Imperium is in much better shape compared to its canon self in numerous ways and fewer irrecoverable, priceless knowledge and technologies are lost - also, while bigotry, unreason, ignorance and fanaticism are still very pervasive, entire society and communities are much more healthy, sound, wholesome and less hateful, corrupt, indolent, inept, stratified, unfair, hopeless, etc.
I cannot help to think continued existence of Legions is the linchpin - it seems even Inquisition cannot raise their voice against them(for instance, World Eaters virtually ignored their prosecution ). Indeed, I am assured division of Legions the greatest error of Roboute. He practically butchered already fatally wounded Imperium Primus and turned its convulsing cadaver into much more morbidly grimdark Imperium Secundus - without Emperor's grandchildren as its true last-remained successors and preservers, old, good, rational, secular, progressive, hopeful Imperium we all know was eventually died out with His ideal - and that is when what I call extinction of dream truly began.
3. I recognize and appropriate author's considerable knowledge, research, effort and most of all, enthusiasm - this kind of alternate heresy is a decently thought-provoking reading.
6/25/2015 c8 2Tanner151
I will say that this was by far the best chapter. They are getting better and better. I really enjoyed what you did with the Night Lords and it is still tragic how they turned out, but also something that readers can like and love. Your portrayal of loyalist Night Lords trumps any others I've seen.
Oh, and to the reviewer that said he wondered Legion sizes, here is my guess of the Legions of the Roboutian Heresy.
First Legion (Dark Angels, Tzeentch)- 100,000
NOTE 1: Adept at a variety of tactics, and strong in sorcery.
NOTE 2: The 20,000 or so on Caliban that are loyalist are not included.
NOTE 3: Gene-seed was originally very pure.
Third Legion (Emperor's Children)- 110,000
NOTE 1: Excels at all forms of combat, but with an emphasis on sword-combat, and void-warfare.
NOTE 2: Excellent and pure gene-seed originally, but during the Heresy there has developed some psychic-emotional backlash due to the horrors inflicted onto them by the Dark Eldar. .
Fourth Legion (Iron Warriors)- 160,000
NOTE: Excels in siege warfare and highly skilled in defensive strategies.
Fifth Legion (White Scars, Chaos Undivided)- 70,000
NOTE: Excel at lightning quick attacks and have arguably the fastest Astartes fleet.
Sixth Legion (Space Wolves, Chaos Undivided)- 60,000
NOTE 1: Excel at many forms of combat, with a focus on close combat and pack-mentality.
NOTE 2: Gene-seed instability occurs somewhat frequently.
Seventh Legion (Imperial Fists, Khorne)- 100,000
NOTE 1: Excel at storming enemy fortresses and purging populations.
NOTE 2: Gene-seed lacks the Betcher's Gland and the Sus-an Membrane.
Eighth Legion (Night Lords)- 150,000
NOTE 1: Excel in terror warfare (when necessary) and guerrilla tactics, as well as void combat.
NOTE 2: Gene-seed allows perfect natural night vision, and causes paleness and dark hair.
Ninth Legion (Blood Angels, Slaanesh)- 120,000
NOTE: Excel at close combat.
Tenth Legion (Iron Hands, Nurgle)- 113,000
NOTE: Excel in massive armored attacks.
Twelfth Legion (World Eaters)- 150,000
NOTE: Excel at close quarter combat.
Thirteenth Legion (Ultramarines, Chaos Undivided)- 250,000
NOTE 1: Very adept at multiple forms of combat and strategy.
NOTE 2: Pre-Heresy, the gene-seed was very pure but after their fall to Chaos the Ultramarines gene-seed has deteriorated.
Fourteenth Legion (Death Guard)- 95,000
NOTE 1: Excel in chemical/attrition-based warfare.
NOTE 2: Gene-seed causes sunken, gaunt features.
Fifteenth Legion (Thousand Sons)- 10,000
NOTE: Excel in psychic-based warfare and have extensive knowledge.
NOTE 2: Gene-seed beset with mutative flaws, such as the Flesh Change.
Sixteenth Legion (Sons of Horus)- 170,000
NOTE 1: Excel at speartip assaults.
NOTE 2: Pure gene-seed
Seventeenth Legion (Word Bearers)- 200,000
NOTE: Are renown for their dedication and faith in the Emperor and the Imperium.
Eighteenth Legion (Salamanders, Chaos Undivided)- 89,000
NOTE: Excel at fire-based warfare.
Nineteenth Legion (Raven Guard, Chaos Undivided)- 220,000(?)
NOTE 1: Excel at rapid assault and guerrilla tactics.
NOTE 2: Zahariel has stated the Raven Guard to be the second largest Legion in the RH, so I put them in between the XIII and the XVII. Although they are a large Legion, there are very few "actual" Astartes as many are mindless hordes, "thinbloods" so to speak, as seen in Honsou's viewpoint section.
Twentieth Legion (Alpha Legion)- 130,000
NOTE 1: Adept at information gathering, assassinations, and organizing rebellions.
NOTE 2: The size of the Alpha Legion is never stated but is reckoned to be in the early 100,000s but could easily be higher.
Overall, I personally feel these are close but for Zahariel's timeline I'm sure I'm off on many counts.
Comments and discussion welcome.
2Tanner151I will say that this was by far the best chapter. They are getting better and better. I really enjoyed what you did with the Night Lords and it is still tragic how they turned out, but also something that readers can like and love. Your portrayal of loyalist Night Lords trumps any others I've seen.
Oh, and to the reviewer that said he wondered Legion sizes, here is my guess of the Legions of the Roboutian Heresy.
First Legion (Dark Angels, Tzeentch)- 100,000
NOTE 1: Adept at a variety of tactics, and strong in sorcery.
NOTE 2: The 20,000 or so on Caliban that are loyalist are not included.
NOTE 3: Gene-seed was originally very pure.
Third Legion (Emperor's Children)- 110,000
NOTE 1: Excels at all forms of combat, but with an emphasis on sword-combat, and void-warfare.
NOTE 2: Excellent and pure gene-seed originally, but during the Heresy there has developed some psychic-emotional backlash due to the horrors inflicted onto them by the Dark Eldar. .
Fourth Legion (Iron Warriors)- 160,000
NOTE: Excels in siege warfare and highly skilled in defensive strategies.
Fifth Legion (White Scars, Chaos Undivided)- 70,000
NOTE: Excel at lightning quick attacks and have arguably the fastest Astartes fleet.
Sixth Legion (Space Wolves, Chaos Undivided)- 60,000
NOTE 1: Excel at many forms of combat, with a focus on close combat and pack-mentality.
NOTE 2: Gene-seed instability occurs somewhat frequently.
Seventh Legion (Imperial Fists, Khorne)- 100,000
NOTE 1: Excel at storming enemy fortresses and purging populations.
NOTE 2: Gene-seed lacks the Betcher's Gland and the Sus-an Membrane.
Eighth Legion (Night Lords)- 150,000
NOTE 1: Excel in terror warfare (when necessary) and guerrilla tactics, as well as void combat.
NOTE 2: Gene-seed allows perfect natural night vision, and causes paleness and dark hair.
Ninth Legion (Blood Angels, Slaanesh)- 120,000
NOTE: Excel at close combat.
Tenth Legion (Iron Hands, Nurgle)- 113,000
NOTE: Excel in massive armored attacks.
Twelfth Legion (World Eaters)- 150,000
NOTE: Excel at close quarter combat.
Thirteenth Legion (Ultramarines, Chaos Undivided)- 250,000
NOTE 1: Very adept at multiple forms of combat and strategy.
NOTE 2: Pre-Heresy, the gene-seed was very pure but after their fall to Chaos the Ultramarines gene-seed has deteriorated.
Fourteenth Legion (Death Guard)- 95,000
NOTE 1: Excel in chemical/attrition-based warfare.
NOTE 2: Gene-seed causes sunken, gaunt features.
Fifteenth Legion (Thousand Sons)- 10,000
NOTE: Excel in psychic-based warfare and have extensive knowledge.
NOTE 2: Gene-seed beset with mutative flaws, such as the Flesh Change.
Sixteenth Legion (Sons of Horus)- 170,000
NOTE 1: Excel at speartip assaults.
NOTE 2: Pure gene-seed
Seventeenth Legion (Word Bearers)- 200,000
NOTE: Are renown for their dedication and faith in the Emperor and the Imperium.
Eighteenth Legion (Salamanders, Chaos Undivided)- 89,000
NOTE: Excel at fire-based warfare.
Nineteenth Legion (Raven Guard, Chaos Undivided)- 220,000(?)
NOTE 1: Excel at rapid assault and guerrilla tactics.
NOTE 2: Zahariel has stated the Raven Guard to be the second largest Legion in the RH, so I put them in between the XIII and the XVII. Although they are a large Legion, there are very few "actual" Astartes as many are mindless hordes, "thinbloods" so to speak, as seen in Honsou's viewpoint section.
Twentieth Legion (Alpha Legion)- 130,000
NOTE 1: Adept at information gathering, assassinations, and organizing rebellions.
NOTE 2: The size of the Alpha Legion is never stated but is reckoned to be in the early 100,000s but could easily be higher.
Overall, I personally feel these are close but for Zahariel's timeline I'm sure I'm off on many counts.
Comments and discussion welcome.
6/12/2015 c8 Guest
I want to know legion size of each legions before/after heresy respectively, both royalists and traitors. Because I am really curious, and I personally greatly doubt that would be same as canon.
I want to know legion size of each legions before/after heresy respectively, both royalists and traitors. Because I am really curious, and I personally greatly doubt that would be same as canon.
6/10/2015 c8 Guest
This is the best chapter yet. I like how the Primarchs who canonically got screwed over the most in canon ended up being the most beloved and greatest among them, especially with Kurze. If I have one complaint, it's that the canon loyalists seem to have much more screwed over backgrounds than in canon, and especially compared to the lives of the canon traitors here. Dorn's is especially painful, since nothing good ever happens to him, it's like you combined Angron's and Pert's canon backstories into one and added an even larger amount of failures. That said, I am looking forward to seeing Vulkan's backstory, because he's being built up to be the worst of the traitors after Rowboat. I want to see if you can make it sound plausible, since in most of the backstories for the primarchs you've written the difference between turning loyal and traitor is composed of one pivotal moment changing for better or worse.
Another thing I liked is that the Emperor is a lot more reasonable here, with none of the dick moves he did that drove his sons to Chaos. I hope that doesn't change in future chapters.
This is the best chapter yet. I like how the Primarchs who canonically got screwed over the most in canon ended up being the most beloved and greatest among them, especially with Kurze. If I have one complaint, it's that the canon loyalists seem to have much more screwed over backgrounds than in canon, and especially compared to the lives of the canon traitors here. Dorn's is especially painful, since nothing good ever happens to him, it's like you combined Angron's and Pert's canon backstories into one and added an even larger amount of failures. That said, I am looking forward to seeing Vulkan's backstory, because he's being built up to be the worst of the traitors after Rowboat. I want to see if you can make it sound plausible, since in most of the backstories for the primarchs you've written the difference between turning loyal and traitor is composed of one pivotal moment changing for better or worse.
Another thing I liked is that the Emperor is a lot more reasonable here, with none of the dick moves he did that drove his sons to Chaos. I hope that doesn't change in future chapters.