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9/24 c3 Nobodies Perfect-Not Even You
Omg love this! If you ever doubt someone will read this if you continue rest assured I would absolutely love to !
6/28 c3 Sun-Moon4ever
please update!
11/19/2019 c3 7stargazer06
Very interesting story. Any plans on continuing?
1/7/2019 c3 egwolf65
great story!
12/2/2018 c1 Fullmetal11791
Dunno why Ichigo or Chad really care if they die. Just need to go talk to Urahara afterwards and pick up a gigai, and continue with their lives. It's not like they've gone shonen hero mode and are trying to beat the game to save everyone, they just want to get out to continue their lives.
11/18/2018 c3 Merlenyn
Wow, a crossover with SAO that's rather slight since there's been very little mention of canon characters though I do love that Agil is apparently a part of their guild as a part-timer who helps out on the front lines some of the time and the rest runs his shop or gathers supplies to help mid-level players, though we still haven't seen him much other than in the background or being mentioned. lol

I wonder if we'll see more of the canon characters eventually mixing with Kagome and Ichigo's group? I'm also interested in seeing their abilities coming out again. :)
9/3/2018 c3 EvAi143
Nice story,please update soon dear author...
8/6/2018 c3 Hikari-Pandora
I haven't read all your stories yet, but I like what I've seen so far, thank you! If I had to pick a story I'd like to keep reading, it would definitely be this one, so I'll just add it to my fav list and just hope for the best!
5/5/2018 c3 4bleachdreamer0
Impressive fic. Its well flushed out, and not too rushed. I’m interested to see how Ichigo and Kagome’s narrative ties in with the normal SAO story and Kirito and Asuna.
2/28/2018 c3 Burningphoenix7
I really love this story. I loved the crossover idea I haven't seen one like this. I hope you continue.
9/14/2017 c3 yachiru-chan92
I like your fanfiction.
Thanks for your work and chapters.
Bye
9/11/2017 c3 DarkLord0012
Love this story so far and have reread it so many times hope you update soon can't wait to read what happens next
7/25/2017 c3 2Speedykitten1643
This story is really great and I really enjoy how its going. I hope will update it soon because I can't wait to see what happens next and how they will get through all of this. Also I wonder if they will meet up with Kirito again.
7/1/2017 c3 6SomethingAncient
I can see where you want the story to go, but that chapter was difficult to get through for many reasons. I'll focus on what I believe to be the root cause and the next biggest issue: 1) The scene and dramatic tension take way too much of a priority- to the point where characterization suffers greatly; and 2) there are words/paragraphs used and added that don't make sense, they are often contradictory and look like filler.

1) The PK trap scene had characterization and common sense thrown right out the window to achieve moments of dramatic tension, which really isn't good as far as writing principles are concerned. I will recommend a solution to help with that, but I'll grab some examples first so you have a more clear picture of what I'm trying to say.

The first potential issue is that Kagome has [listen] on at all times, which was never stated or hinted at previously. There is no given reason for her to be that paranoid; no previous scenes where she decides that it's so important. If anything, Ichigo and Chad have more of a reason to have listen up since they were a duo who constantly went into the wilderness to level up until recently. And since they don't, there is less of a likelihood that Kagome has it up at all times.

Then, Kagome breaks character by rushing off, on her own, without telling anyone what's up. Not only does this break her character in general, it also breaks a promise she previously made to Souta not to do that again.

Stuff happens, then, several minutes pass before the rest of her group show up; and I can't tell why that is. Kagome goes rushing off and the group that was with her doesn't immediately follow after her? How does that make sense? There is no reason Souta, Ichigo, and the others don't immediately follow after her. Souta especially, since he knows she gets into trouble doing that.

Kagome's character was all over the map here, but a more obvious issue was about her being ruthless. First she isn't, then she is- but not really, but actually she is. Her character literally contradicts itself multiple times. It's not just the ruthlessness, but that is one of the more obvious examples.

Then, Chad becomes scared if her, but not really, but he actually is. Honestly, not only is that contradictory again, it is also out of character. Chad should never be scared of anything, save losing that which is most precious to him. He has never shown fear for his own life. And the only reason this happened in the first place was to create dramatic tension, which is a poor writing practice. Never break character with bad or non-existent reasoning for the sake of drama.

As far as a potential solution to scene writing and characterization, this is how I see it:

If staying in character changes a scene (or the plot itself) to something different than originally intended, chances are, the scene - as originally planned - was flawed. Furthermore, letting characterization direct scenes allows the world to truly come to life since the characters are actively involved in the development of the story.

It's not the only way to write a scene, but it can help greatly. It's not for everyone, but I do hope I was able to at least pass along the importance of good characterization.

2) Okay, on to the "contradictions/filler". There are many times where words, sentences, and even paragraphs exist but add nothing to the story, or worse, muddy up the context and change the potential meaning. And being as honest as I can, I think most of the "filler" issues and contradictions come from drama being way too high on the priority list when writing.

Take Ichigo talking with Chad toward the end of this chapter. Ichigo says, "Chad I might be in love with the girl, but I am not blind to her big fault. She cares too much about how her friends view her and she is fearful of being abandoned or that she will loose our respect."

No, she doesn't care too much about how her friends view her, nor does she care too much about losing her friends respect. I can say this because last chapter she just said that she would throw anyone under the bus if it meant getting Souta home alive. She said this to Ichigo and Chad directly. Drama became so important here that it directly contradicted previously stated content.

The overall idea of this story is fantastic and there are some brilliant moments here - It's definitely a diamond in the rough -, but it's also very muddled by the constant focus on one type of drama or another, to the point where previous events and promises are ignored (or maybe forgotten) in favour of said drama.

Well written and consistent characters are key when it comes to good drama. If the characters stop making sense, so does the drama.

I know I've been very critical, but I believe you can handle it. A little less focus on the various types of drama and you'll definitely have one of the better stories on this site.

Have a good week and God bless,
SomethingAncient
6/23/2017 c3 9Arkytior's Song
Awwww! Love this!
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