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9/20 c8 Guest
Why just why does he have to train them man
8/4 c3 Guest
Bitch stat away from issue and ichigo
7/20 c15 Ricee
yeah no sorry this story is kinda bad. you set a goal, a reason for existence, to defeat the fragments. gave him a sacred gear, potential for growth. yet you aren't furthering the story. your just following the dxd plotline and ignoring the one you created.
7/20 c5 Ricee
I'm not quite understanding why he's going to a school at all. his predecessor could have just got him a diploma if that was actually necessary.
7/20 c2 Ricee
yeah the whole, not knowing what the 200 pieces are from is already annoying
7/6 c2 3Inv0ke
Please don't make him join Rias let him be his own person please
6/23 c37 Guest
update now please.
6/10 c1 Seud
Yeah you could definitely come back and redo this chapter, just touch it up and make it flow more naturally.
6/6 c3 waterboy0831
Can't wait for our two kings to meet each other. That will be an interesting interaction for sure
5/27 c1 lamthai316
For having 37 chapters so far, this story seems to move too quickly for my taste. The fragment shows up at school and Rias peerage starts fighting right away and then Ichigo shows up revealing himself fighting. Not enough explanation of the story. Seems to skip everything in between. But it's understandable since you started writing a while back when you were younger.
5/27 c8 Himeragiyukina12
I don't understand why you would claim he's neutral and then put him right into the plot anyways.
5/1 c15 Axccel
...or he could have flash stepped. During the Rating Game you said that was too fast for them to see. But they could see the fragment charging them, so he was slower than a flash step.
4/30 c8 Axccel
Almost all writers seem to forget or ignore that Riser’s peerage LOVES HIM. They often want to have their characters “free” the girls as if they must be brainwashed or enslaved just because Riser is a douche to Issei and either wants Rias or is obeying his family’s deal. Oh, and they punish him for having a harem. The irony that those writers usually giving Issei a harem is lost on everyone.
2/2 c1 1OneOneFourteen
A strange introduction to the story, rather confusing and a bit short but I'll continue to read on
1/12 c37 JayU19
This story overall is ok not bad not good. The story structure is actually nice and I've spotted low amounts of grammar errors, the pacing was decent as well. My qualms with this story is that you make the MC out to be a mere side character most of the time often left to take on canon fodder. You should also show characters in character or else mention that they're OOC, you've done it well with Issei and the like but as I mentioned earlier the MC(who should be the main focused character). You're OCs are actually well written, some of the best I've seen. Now my advice, you could just change the summary where you describe ichigo as OOC that would be fine or you could fix how he behaves into something more logical(like I said he's dense and hotheaded but not stupid or irrational). Next part you can improve, the relationship between kuroka and ichigo is rather lacking in development; it was spontaneous and without being built properly. What I'd suggest if your up for it is rewrite those bits, you could make the interactions longer and actually show a developed relationship or you could go with rossweisse first as you already built a somewhat developed relationship between the two, then you could focus on adding kuroka.
Final verdict- this story is actually decent not without its flaws but has some good moments, it's a 6/10.
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