for Apex10/23/2014 c2 Darkness Chaser
Another OK chapter. Liked the Dragonite convincing scene.
But just a few better coherent conversations, and also beta reading appreciated.
Another OK chapter. Liked the Dragonite convincing scene.
But just a few better coherent conversations, and also beta reading appreciated.
10/23/2014 c1 DarknessChaser
Good start... but a few gramatical mistakes. Correct them.
Good start... but a few gramatical mistakes. Correct them.
10/22/2014 c3 
6JFpaes15
Hmmm, quite an interesting story you have here. The most unique part is the fact that you started the story in the middle/end of Unova instead of going for a fresh start, and from there onwards you started building up the path your fic would take.
I was quite surprised that you actually gave Dragonite to Ash instead of giving it to Iris, but I did expect it a little, I mean, why would you start the fic right in the episode where Iris get the Dragonite, if something different wasn't going to happen?
Your battles are well done as well, very entertaining to read them.
All in all though, this is a well written fanfiction. Interactions between characters are good, the fights are well made, the passing very pleasing to sit through and read, not rushed or too slow.
However, everything have flaws, no matter how minor they are. And as a review, I must point them out so that they won't repeat in the next chapters.
First off, there are a few grammar errors. While mostly harmless, they can get annoying in the long run, and in the third chapter there was quite an amount of them, especially when compared to the other two.
That's it, the only flaw I have found. Yet...
Now to more subjective matters, there is something that's being bothering me. I have seen that one of the genres of the fic is going to be romance. My question is if there is going to be like, a single pairing or if it is going to be a harem?
Personally, I'd prefer a single pairing as I find a male characters having multiple love interests rather hard to believe. The only source of media I have ever seen that has made that work flawlessly is Tenchi Muyo.
I'm also hugely inclined to Rayshipping, more than any other pairing in the fanbase by a large margin. So I expect that that little teasing wasn't just that, a teasing.
6JFpaes15Hmmm, quite an interesting story you have here. The most unique part is the fact that you started the story in the middle/end of Unova instead of going for a fresh start, and from there onwards you started building up the path your fic would take.
I was quite surprised that you actually gave Dragonite to Ash instead of giving it to Iris, but I did expect it a little, I mean, why would you start the fic right in the episode where Iris get the Dragonite, if something different wasn't going to happen?
Your battles are well done as well, very entertaining to read them.
All in all though, this is a well written fanfiction. Interactions between characters are good, the fights are well made, the passing very pleasing to sit through and read, not rushed or too slow.
However, everything have flaws, no matter how minor they are. And as a review, I must point them out so that they won't repeat in the next chapters.
First off, there are a few grammar errors. While mostly harmless, they can get annoying in the long run, and in the third chapter there was quite an amount of them, especially when compared to the other two.
That's it, the only flaw I have found. Yet...
Now to more subjective matters, there is something that's being bothering me. I have seen that one of the genres of the fic is going to be romance. My question is if there is going to be like, a single pairing or if it is going to be a harem?
Personally, I'd prefer a single pairing as I find a male characters having multiple love interests rather hard to believe. The only source of media I have ever seen that has made that work flawlessly is Tenchi Muyo.
I'm also hugely inclined to Rayshipping, more than any other pairing in the fanbase by a large margin. So I expect that that little teasing wasn't just that, a teasing.
10/21/2014 c2 Guest
ROFL! Iris stramgling Ashw as just PURE genius! I loved the scene.
ROFL! Iris stramgling Ashw as just PURE genius! I loved the scene.
10/21/2014 c3 Jennifer
Cynthia's Ice Cream scene was fantastic. Alder and Freddy's commentary was quite interesting as well.
I like the attention to the side things. Makes for a likeable story.
Cynthia's Ice Cream scene was fantastic. Alder and Freddy's commentary was quite interesting as well.
I like the attention to the side things. Makes for a likeable story.
10/21/2014 c3 Guest
Pearlshipping possibly Rayshipping perhaps?
Pearlshipping possibly Rayshipping perhaps?
10/20/2014 c3 pikachewy1
well, pretty good but you still have some grammar problems mucking up the story so be sure to fix that. Proofreading once or twice catches most of those mistakes and makes the story much better. Other than that, nice work.
well, pretty good but you still have some grammar problems mucking up the story so be sure to fix that. Proofreading once or twice catches most of those mistakes and makes the story much better. Other than that, nice work.
10/20/2014 c2 JaXX188
Hey allow me to bump up your review count yet again with a request. I dont know how far along you are in the next chapter, nor do i know exactly what you plan to do although i imagine you'll have ash beat trip with dragonite (which would be awesome for dragonites debut battle) and then face alder with one of ash's most badass pokemon making a return. You know who i'm talking about.
Anyway because you already made it clear that ALOT of people are watching the tournament in every region, it would be nice if you had a few scenes showing ash's friends reaction to his battle with trip and potentially Alder.
May,Misty, and a few of the rivals, elite four and champions that he's befriended would be awesome.
Similar to what you did in your other fic just on a slightly larger scale. I've always really liked those audience reaction scenes and this is the perfect chance to do a big one.
Hey allow me to bump up your review count yet again with a request. I dont know how far along you are in the next chapter, nor do i know exactly what you plan to do although i imagine you'll have ash beat trip with dragonite (which would be awesome for dragonites debut battle) and then face alder with one of ash's most badass pokemon making a return. You know who i'm talking about.
Anyway because you already made it clear that ALOT of people are watching the tournament in every region, it would be nice if you had a few scenes showing ash's friends reaction to his battle with trip and potentially Alder.
May,Misty, and a few of the rivals, elite four and champions that he's befriended would be awesome.
Similar to what you did in your other fic just on a slightly larger scale. I've always really liked those audience reaction scenes and this is the perfect chance to do a big one.
10/20/2014 c2 CR7 vs LM10
Yo.
I just read this chapter and was confused over the team rocket part.
What are they doing in Unova? And what's Operation Tempest?
Yo.
I just read this chapter and was confused over the team rocket part.
What are they doing in Unova? And what's Operation Tempest?
10/20/2014 c3 quaresmaNO7
Grate stary! Awsme!
Bill bhi fulluing in!
Grate stary! Awsme!
Bill bhi fulluing in!
10/20/2014 c3 Honeysingh96
Awesome and great battles. Muk's Pokedex data finally shows some measure of truth.
Rayshipping moment was awesome, even though it didn't actually lead to anything lol. Dawn showing hints of jealousy was very interesting, and coupled with Ash's interest in her, may eventually lead to Pearlshipping.
I can only imagine if Ash decides to test out hugging and hand holding with Dawn, with her a willing teacher ! Haha!
Awesome and great battles. Muk's Pokedex data finally shows some measure of truth.
Rayshipping moment was awesome, even though it didn't actually lead to anything lol. Dawn showing hints of jealousy was very interesting, and coupled with Ash's interest in her, may eventually lead to Pearlshipping.
I can only imagine if Ash decides to test out hugging and hand holding with Dawn, with her a willing teacher ! Haha!
10/20/2014 c2 Honeysingh96
I loved the Dragonite-Ash interaction. The fact that you didnt integrate any cliche moments was even better. Dragonite follows Ash because of his power, not dumb emotion. But I am happy to see that he is actually warming up a bit to the group too, makes me think that his attitude will change after a while.
Muk and Gible coming back were awesome. Both are awesome Pokemon that need to be given focus to help them reach their true potential. Gible must evolve in Garchomp by the end of Unova! I beg of you!
I loved the Dragonite-Ash interaction. The fact that you didnt integrate any cliche moments was even better. Dragonite follows Ash because of his power, not dumb emotion. But I am happy to see that he is actually warming up a bit to the group too, makes me think that his attitude will change after a while.
Muk and Gible coming back were awesome. Both are awesome Pokemon that need to be given focus to help them reach their true potential. Gible must evolve in Garchomp by the end of Unova! I beg of you!
10/20/2014 c3 Kiara Sessyoin
Hey man, your story is awesome. But is it possible for you to use his older pokemon?
It sad to see that ash always leave his pokemon behind and catch a new when he is in new region.
I really like it if you use ash older pokemon, maybe use his pigeot?
Also who is ash going to paired with? And can you give ash a legendary or two? I mean he always save the world, don't you think he deserve it?
Hey man, your story is awesome. But is it possible for you to use his older pokemon?
It sad to see that ash always leave his pokemon behind and catch a new when he is in new region.
I really like it if you use ash older pokemon, maybe use his pigeot?
Also who is ash going to paired with? And can you give ash a legendary or two? I mean he always save the world, don't you think he deserve it?
10/19/2014 c3 CM Pk
Well, I say 70 reviews and just 3 chapters, so why not try it? Needless to say, the best decision I have made in a while. The story is kinda amazing with how all of the major and subtle changes are sitting and seamlessly fittijg with the canon story.
I think the reason for that is the aay you write. Its a very nice style with how you dont ignore many of the fun points of the main story. Muk's apokedex data turning out true was just another gem that I think I've only ever seen in Traveler and Symbiosis, both of them the best Pokemon fics around.
Great job, and please continue. Also, more WWE mentions will be appreciated ;)
Well, I say 70 reviews and just 3 chapters, so why not try it? Needless to say, the best decision I have made in a while. The story is kinda amazing with how all of the major and subtle changes are sitting and seamlessly fittijg with the canon story.
I think the reason for that is the aay you write. Its a very nice style with how you dont ignore many of the fun points of the main story. Muk's apokedex data turning out true was just another gem that I think I've only ever seen in Traveler and Symbiosis, both of them the best Pokemon fics around.
Great job, and please continue. Also, more WWE mentions will be appreciated ;)
10/19/2014 c3 BlessKM
Solid execution as usual. Pretty solid plot and introduction for the most part. Just brush up the first chapter and give a proper prelude to those who haven't read pokemon before, then you'll have a light novel to publish and sell on Amazon.
Solid execution as usual. Pretty solid plot and introduction for the most part. Just brush up the first chapter and give a proper prelude to those who haven't read pokemon before, then you'll have a light novel to publish and sell on Amazon.