for Destiny of the Storm5/1/2016 c1 
5ilvbrownies
My first thought, is if you were to do a rewrite lighten up on the physical descriptions, while they are important, you give it all at once making it rather cumbersome and tedious. Smaller doses would be better in my opinion, you could also use certain emotions to give hints at appearance like for Jewel, say her turquoise eyes flashed with indignation, or her normally warm eyes turned icy blue with utter hatred and contempt towards the one threatening her chicks. Of course, these are merely suggestions and I do not expect that you use them. However, you are free to and if you want to contact me about these ideas or anything else feel free to PM me.
5ilvbrowniesMy first thought, is if you were to do a rewrite lighten up on the physical descriptions, while they are important, you give it all at once making it rather cumbersome and tedious. Smaller doses would be better in my opinion, you could also use certain emotions to give hints at appearance like for Jewel, say her turquoise eyes flashed with indignation, or her normally warm eyes turned icy blue with utter hatred and contempt towards the one threatening her chicks. Of course, these are merely suggestions and I do not expect that you use them. However, you are free to and if you want to contact me about these ideas or anything else feel free to PM me.
2/20/2015 c1 Sir. nick of dra
Nice start. Please continue it.
Nice start. Please continue it.
10/2/2014 c1 captian crunch
more,more! this is turning out good!
more,more! this is turning out good!
8/22/2014 c1 blue iced lioness
great job! update soon! :)
great job! update soon! :)