for Spiral Nemesis9/24/2014 c1 Guest
Great chapter. Can't wait for the next one.
Great chapter. Can't wait for the next one.
9/24/2014 c7 kudaman
Another nice chapter. It'll be good to see Takato mature and come out of his shell more in future chapters. Jeri was also very entertaining and Exveemon was also good in this. Im glad he kept his personality. Keeping the cast in character seems to be a talent of yours. You even make the personality changes believable, they aren't too drastic and are very understandable given the apocalyptic state of the world. I really enjoy the character interactions, be it human and human or digimon and human. Another thing I'm hoping for is Marcus opening up more to Agumon, he's needs his loyalty to be rewarded. Update soon and keep up the good work.
Another nice chapter. It'll be good to see Takato mature and come out of his shell more in future chapters. Jeri was also very entertaining and Exveemon was also good in this. Im glad he kept his personality. Keeping the cast in character seems to be a talent of yours. You even make the personality changes believable, they aren't too drastic and are very understandable given the apocalyptic state of the world. I really enjoy the character interactions, be it human and human or digimon and human. Another thing I'm hoping for is Marcus opening up more to Agumon, he's needs his loyalty to be rewarded. Update soon and keep up the good work.
9/17/2014 c6 
7This is the real deal
PAUSE! The heck?! The wind from the punch cutting him?! That's like some Kenichi level nonsense right there, and yet it's so awesome! Now the cast is set and the plot can start kicking into gear!
Masaru, tough as nails as always, seems to be the same at heart, but you've also highlighted lots of very important differences to and brought potential for a lot of development. His relationship with Agumon for example. This isn't a bad thing at all, don't worry, it's probably good, but I'm genuinely upset that he doesn't have that incredibly strong 'boss and follower' relationship anymore, not because you did something wrong, but just because I love their odd relationship and how strong and unique it was for a digimon/human relationship. Obviously having his world invaded by monsters Masaru KNOWS he can defeat (sort of) would do little to make their relationship strong of course, and I feel bad for Agumon who practically worships him knowing that Masaru doesn't exactly get along with him.
Considering Masaru's freakish strength, I can also imagine that Masaru would be a bit of an outcast. Humans are already terrified of what they can't understand, and 'the human digimon' would classify as one of those things.
The rivalry between Masaru and Daisuke is also rather interesting, I'm not even sure how much Daisuke considers Masaru his rival, but if he doesn't keep his guard up, Masaru really will beat him! I wonder if their digimon also consider themselves as rivals or find their tamers rivalry to be ridiculous or anything of the sort?
Anyway, the short little battle at the end to was fun to read, can't wait for the next chapter!
7This is the real dealPAUSE! The heck?! The wind from the punch cutting him?! That's like some Kenichi level nonsense right there, and yet it's so awesome! Now the cast is set and the plot can start kicking into gear!
Masaru, tough as nails as always, seems to be the same at heart, but you've also highlighted lots of very important differences to and brought potential for a lot of development. His relationship with Agumon for example. This isn't a bad thing at all, don't worry, it's probably good, but I'm genuinely upset that he doesn't have that incredibly strong 'boss and follower' relationship anymore, not because you did something wrong, but just because I love their odd relationship and how strong and unique it was for a digimon/human relationship. Obviously having his world invaded by monsters Masaru KNOWS he can defeat (sort of) would do little to make their relationship strong of course, and I feel bad for Agumon who practically worships him knowing that Masaru doesn't exactly get along with him.
Considering Masaru's freakish strength, I can also imagine that Masaru would be a bit of an outcast. Humans are already terrified of what they can't understand, and 'the human digimon' would classify as one of those things.
The rivalry between Masaru and Daisuke is also rather interesting, I'm not even sure how much Daisuke considers Masaru his rival, but if he doesn't keep his guard up, Masaru really will beat him! I wonder if their digimon also consider themselves as rivals or find their tamers rivalry to be ridiculous or anything of the sort?
Anyway, the short little battle at the end to was fun to read, can't wait for the next chapter!
9/17/2014 c5 This is the real deal
And Takato makes his first appearance. He seems totally dead, it's even worrying! He's certainly had his fair share to think about over the years, and seeing as he's still rather young, life must have been hard on him, and thus the first totally changed character has shown themselves. Speaking of changes, you've shown this other side of Daisuke very well, it feels like he's being weighed down by the guilt of his past failures, especially seeing Jun's current condition, I can sympathize with him. It looks like you've drawn inspiration from Fullmetal Alchemist again to, not only with the cloak he's wearing (I keep thinking of Ed's red one) but with his relationship between Jun. Daisuke believes that Jun's condition is entirely his fault and he cannot be forgiven despite Jun telling him it isn't, while Ed believes that Al losing his body is his fault despite Al saying it isn't, and still pays for it through the series with the loss of his arm and leg. Both of them are correct sadly...
I also didn't expect to see him acting so selfless, a nice side to him if I may add. Sure, Daisuke isn't exactly a selfish person, but I couldn't picture the childish version of himself at the start of 02 to be helping out little children, especially when all around the very town he lives at he's unpopular, I suppose it was almost like he was trying to compensate for past wrongs?
The interaction between Daisuke and Jun was very relatable when I thought of me and my own cousin, though admittedly my cousin doesn't have any health problems because of me.
Not sure how much more I can read at the moment, got homework and stuff though I'll definitely review the next chapter soon! (How can I not? It's named after the Digimon Savers intro!)
P.S: Considering your chapter naming sense, I'm almost expecting a chapter titled Butterfly at some point for some reason, anyway carry on!
And Takato makes his first appearance. He seems totally dead, it's even worrying! He's certainly had his fair share to think about over the years, and seeing as he's still rather young, life must have been hard on him, and thus the first totally changed character has shown themselves. Speaking of changes, you've shown this other side of Daisuke very well, it feels like he's being weighed down by the guilt of his past failures, especially seeing Jun's current condition, I can sympathize with him. It looks like you've drawn inspiration from Fullmetal Alchemist again to, not only with the cloak he's wearing (I keep thinking of Ed's red one) but with his relationship between Jun. Daisuke believes that Jun's condition is entirely his fault and he cannot be forgiven despite Jun telling him it isn't, while Ed believes that Al losing his body is his fault despite Al saying it isn't, and still pays for it through the series with the loss of his arm and leg. Both of them are correct sadly...
I also didn't expect to see him acting so selfless, a nice side to him if I may add. Sure, Daisuke isn't exactly a selfish person, but I couldn't picture the childish version of himself at the start of 02 to be helping out little children, especially when all around the very town he lives at he's unpopular, I suppose it was almost like he was trying to compensate for past wrongs?
The interaction between Daisuke and Jun was very relatable when I thought of me and my own cousin, though admittedly my cousin doesn't have any health problems because of me.
Not sure how much more I can read at the moment, got homework and stuff though I'll definitely review the next chapter soon! (How can I not? It's named after the Digimon Savers intro!)
P.S: Considering your chapter naming sense, I'm almost expecting a chapter titled Butterfly at some point for some reason, anyway carry on!
9/17/2014 c4 This is the real deal
YES! Fullmetal is one of the few Shounene anime I seriously respect a ton! Naruto and Bleach kinda died at a point and it just feels painful for me to watch though Hunter X Hunter is awesome... No, off topic, reviewing...
I can actually feel a lot of Fullmetal Alchemist coming through in this chapter. It's okay if we kill but not if anybody else does, if we experiment but others don't, if we mind control digimon but others don't... Plus the whole rule of equivelant exchange, equal values of Bits for what they make, no human transmutation or creating (and probably reviving) 'life'.
Wait a second, they also use deleted digimon for food? So they EAT digimon? That's rather... uncomfortable...
In any case, one thing I've noticed though, maybe it's only because we're at the start of the story, but the digimon haven't appeared much apart from in battle scenes, though they are talked about extensively. I would normally be worried that means that there characters which are just as complex as humans would be shoved to the side a bit (something I see in many other fics and avoid in my own at all costs) but it may just be due to the society (or lack of it) that they're in at the moment. The DDD aren't the most ethical group, and digimon are seen as tools, so even for the caring main characters its rather odd to have a fire breathing dragon trailing behind them. In any case, this was a slow chapter so there isn't much to point out, I really liked this almost brotherly bonding between Iori and Daisuke, so I'm gonna keep reading, either now or whenever I've got the time again.
P.S: I understand the feeling old part. I'm basically born in the "Naruto rocks" generation but I was the youngest in a family full of brothers and cousins for years, so I identify with a lot of older anime like Ruruouni Kenshin, and cringe at... a lot of stuff...
YES! Fullmetal is one of the few Shounene anime I seriously respect a ton! Naruto and Bleach kinda died at a point and it just feels painful for me to watch though Hunter X Hunter is awesome... No, off topic, reviewing...
I can actually feel a lot of Fullmetal Alchemist coming through in this chapter. It's okay if we kill but not if anybody else does, if we experiment but others don't, if we mind control digimon but others don't... Plus the whole rule of equivelant exchange, equal values of Bits for what they make, no human transmutation or creating (and probably reviving) 'life'.
Wait a second, they also use deleted digimon for food? So they EAT digimon? That's rather... uncomfortable...
In any case, one thing I've noticed though, maybe it's only because we're at the start of the story, but the digimon haven't appeared much apart from in battle scenes, though they are talked about extensively. I would normally be worried that means that there characters which are just as complex as humans would be shoved to the side a bit (something I see in many other fics and avoid in my own at all costs) but it may just be due to the society (or lack of it) that they're in at the moment. The DDD aren't the most ethical group, and digimon are seen as tools, so even for the caring main characters its rather odd to have a fire breathing dragon trailing behind them. In any case, this was a slow chapter so there isn't much to point out, I really liked this almost brotherly bonding between Iori and Daisuke, so I'm gonna keep reading, either now or whenever I've got the time again.
P.S: I understand the feeling old part. I'm basically born in the "Naruto rocks" generation but I was the youngest in a family full of brothers and cousins for years, so I identify with a lot of older anime like Ruruouni Kenshin, and cringe at... a lot of stuff...
9/17/2014 c3 This is the real deal
'The Human digimon...' That name is so appropriate for that lunatic! Anyway, sorry for the late review, I've been rather pressed for time as of late, But I'm glad I took the time to read this! Iori and Inoue seem pretty on point with their characterisation, Inoue in particular, and she seems to have gotten much scarier, and still has her crush on Ken it seems, I'm interested to see what it was that REALLY made her quit going out into the field though? Especially if her and Hawkmon were about to become Master Class themselves, making me wonder what an apocalypse could've done to such a light-hearted character to toughen them up...
Daisuke looks like he's holding back a bit of guilt from three years back, I wonder what happened? I'm now even more interested. Interested in seeing where this goes!
'The Human digimon...' That name is so appropriate for that lunatic! Anyway, sorry for the late review, I've been rather pressed for time as of late, But I'm glad I took the time to read this! Iori and Inoue seem pretty on point with their characterisation, Inoue in particular, and she seems to have gotten much scarier, and still has her crush on Ken it seems, I'm interested to see what it was that REALLY made her quit going out into the field though? Especially if her and Hawkmon were about to become Master Class themselves, making me wonder what an apocalypse could've done to such a light-hearted character to toughen them up...
Daisuke looks like he's holding back a bit of guilt from three years back, I wonder what happened? I'm now even more interested. Interested in seeing where this goes!
9/14/2014 c6 kudaman
Good set up chapter. I think Masaru's introduction was done well, but he does seem angrier, though that is understandable considering the world they live in. You fixed some of the grammar issues compared to earlier chapters and you write details and pace your story really well in my opinion. I do think you should add Zoe to team brave. That way you will have characters from all the seasons you've brought together in the story. She and the other warriors can be like digimon hybrids. Good luck with the story. :)
Good set up chapter. I think Masaru's introduction was done well, but he does seem angrier, though that is understandable considering the world they live in. You fixed some of the grammar issues compared to earlier chapters and you write details and pace your story really well in my opinion. I do think you should add Zoe to team brave. That way you will have characters from all the seasons you've brought together in the story. She and the other warriors can be like digimon hybrids. Good luck with the story. :)
9/14/2014 c5 kudaman
Nice chapter. I really like Veedramon in this, a Magnamon and Ulforceveedramon combo would be a powerful team. It was nice to see Jun as well, I love how you write her character. Keep up the good work.
Nice chapter. I really like Veedramon in this, a Magnamon and Ulforceveedramon combo would be a powerful team. It was nice to see Jun as well, I love how you write her character. Keep up the good work.
8/30/2014 c2 This is the real deal
Some action's introduced, nice little fight scene, and it's shown us what Master Class Defenders are made of considering the beating Daisuke gave to Slaver Johns, and since he mentioned MasaruDaimon (that lunatic is STILL punching digimon?!) then I'm guessing several Master Class Defenders are former chosen children and main characters from the show. The DDD log looks like it's going to be recurring and I like it, it spreads a bit of information on the world your story is set in and the equipment they use. (Man it must feel like they're James Bond with all the gadgets!) Considering the D3K can store thirty digimon, I'm guessing that means its common for Defenders to have multiple digimon then, and Davis isn't just being strange having both a Veemon and a Veedramon then?
I wonder how the other characters will have turned out. Daisuke seems to have gotten slightly more serious and far more reliable, a believable transformation considering he survived an apocalypse, and its gladdening he kept his cheery outlook on life, but what about the others? I'm pretty sure Masaru is probably still okay for the most part, toughened up more yes but it just means there's lots of strong enemies to fight now. Heck, he might even be BORED from the lack of a real challenge! Human enemies can't really hurt him and digimon below Perfect/Ultimate Level also really feel his blows so... Taichi though if he's still alive, always considering others first, I imagine he'd have been hit especially hard and would feel almost responsible for things somehow.
Anyway, that's just my interpretation of things. Hope to see more!
Some action's introduced, nice little fight scene, and it's shown us what Master Class Defenders are made of considering the beating Daisuke gave to Slaver Johns, and since he mentioned MasaruDaimon (that lunatic is STILL punching digimon?!) then I'm guessing several Master Class Defenders are former chosen children and main characters from the show. The DDD log looks like it's going to be recurring and I like it, it spreads a bit of information on the world your story is set in and the equipment they use. (Man it must feel like they're James Bond with all the gadgets!) Considering the D3K can store thirty digimon, I'm guessing that means its common for Defenders to have multiple digimon then, and Davis isn't just being strange having both a Veemon and a Veedramon then?
I wonder how the other characters will have turned out. Daisuke seems to have gotten slightly more serious and far more reliable, a believable transformation considering he survived an apocalypse, and its gladdening he kept his cheery outlook on life, but what about the others? I'm pretty sure Masaru is probably still okay for the most part, toughened up more yes but it just means there's lots of strong enemies to fight now. Heck, he might even be BORED from the lack of a real challenge! Human enemies can't really hurt him and digimon below Perfect/Ultimate Level also really feel his blows so... Taichi though if he's still alive, always considering others first, I imagine he'd have been hit especially hard and would feel almost responsible for things somehow.
Anyway, that's just my interpretation of things. Hope to see more!
8/25/2014 c2 5darkhaseo90
I am getting an serious Fallout vibe from this fanfic. Neat Chapter by the way! I had fun reading it.
5darkhaseo90I am getting an serious Fallout vibe from this fanfic. Neat Chapter by the way! I had fun reading it.
8/20/2014 c1 42KumoFuzei
I think it's massively improved from the first time I saw it. My suggestions would be to get a beta for the grammar tweaks that need to happen. Reduce speech, increase actions and plot development. Increase the pacing slightly.
Things I liked would be the length. It felt appropriate for an introductory chapter and it didn't feel rushed as a chapter. The characters were a little quirky and garnered my attention. The log, I feel, is utilised better now than in the alpha version.
42KumoFuzeiI think it's massively improved from the first time I saw it. My suggestions would be to get a beta for the grammar tweaks that need to happen. Reduce speech, increase actions and plot development. Increase the pacing slightly.
Things I liked would be the length. It felt appropriate for an introductory chapter and it didn't feel rushed as a chapter. The characters were a little quirky and garnered my attention. The log, I feel, is utilised better now than in the alpha version.
8/20/2014 c1 kudaman
This looks pretty good. There were grammar issues in a few places but a good beta reader can help you with that problem. Im looking forward to seeing how this story plays out. Good luck!
This looks pretty good. There were grammar issues in a few places but a good beta reader can help you with that problem. Im looking forward to seeing how this story plays out. Good luck!
8/18/2014 c1 Guest
I saw this looking for reviews in the Digital Connections forum so here goes nothing!
Interesting start so far, you seem to have gotten Daisuke and Veemons characters right so far so your characterisation is on point so far. This post-apocalyptic world and story can create a lot of possibilities, especially if elements of all seasons are included in the story, and I like how even if a lot has happened, Daisuke, Veemon (and XVeemon?) are all acting in character anyway instead of becoming irritating angsty teens. However, the grammar is sketchy at times, like sometimes it will be in the past tense then other times present tense for example. Get a Beta Reader to help check through your grammar, trust me it makes a world of difference.
Just some questions I'm wondering about, is the kid in the beginning of the story still Daisuke or is it in OC? Since this kid has a different origins story for his goggles to Daisuke/Davis. I liked him getting them from Tai only cause the V Tamer manga explained he got those from an ex fighter pilot (his grandpa actually who got them from a WWII pilot, not important, dont change anything for what I want or you'll ruin it)
Anyway, your characterisation is your strong point so make sure in the future you focus on good interactions and development, and don't forget to get a beta reader to help fix up grammar issues. Keep it up.
I saw this looking for reviews in the Digital Connections forum so here goes nothing!
Interesting start so far, you seem to have gotten Daisuke and Veemons characters right so far so your characterisation is on point so far. This post-apocalyptic world and story can create a lot of possibilities, especially if elements of all seasons are included in the story, and I like how even if a lot has happened, Daisuke, Veemon (and XVeemon?) are all acting in character anyway instead of becoming irritating angsty teens. However, the grammar is sketchy at times, like sometimes it will be in the past tense then other times present tense for example. Get a Beta Reader to help check through your grammar, trust me it makes a world of difference.
Just some questions I'm wondering about, is the kid in the beginning of the story still Daisuke or is it in OC? Since this kid has a different origins story for his goggles to Daisuke/Davis. I liked him getting them from Tai only cause the V Tamer manga explained he got those from an ex fighter pilot (his grandpa actually who got them from a WWII pilot, not important, dont change anything for what I want or you'll ruin it)
Anyway, your characterisation is your strong point so make sure in the future you focus on good interactions and development, and don't forget to get a beta reader to help fix up grammar issues. Keep it up.
8/19/2014 c1 7This is the real deal
Sorry bout the late review, I could've sworn I dropped a review yesterday, that teaches me to trust my phone... I saw this on the Digital Connections Forum so:
Anyway, your strength lies in your characterisation. Daisuke's character is done very well, even with all of the time and events that have transpired, something I find rare for a fic that has this kind of post-apocalyptic setting. Veemon as well and... X-Veemon? Anyway, that's what I liked about it. I'll need to read more to get a grip on its story, but if it involves elements from all seasons you've got lots of material to work with. I've done similar things in the past (and present) and if done right it provides a lot of material and potential to work with. However, you're held back by your grammar. It's sketchy at times, like you often switch between the past tense and the present tense. I advise that you get a beta reader to check your grammar, it'll really give your writing a serious boost. My advise for you is seeing as you're already good at characterisation, in the future you should focus on the interaction between each character and their development, and seeing as this is digimon, don't forget about their partners, their digimon are just as diverse and unique as other humans to and many people forget about this fact. Maybe a digimon dedicated chapter, that can do wonders. Also, get a beta reader. I wanna see where this goes. Till next time, Real Deal out.
7This is the real dealSorry bout the late review, I could've sworn I dropped a review yesterday, that teaches me to trust my phone... I saw this on the Digital Connections Forum so:
Anyway, your strength lies in your characterisation. Daisuke's character is done very well, even with all of the time and events that have transpired, something I find rare for a fic that has this kind of post-apocalyptic setting. Veemon as well and... X-Veemon? Anyway, that's what I liked about it. I'll need to read more to get a grip on its story, but if it involves elements from all seasons you've got lots of material to work with. I've done similar things in the past (and present) and if done right it provides a lot of material and potential to work with. However, you're held back by your grammar. It's sketchy at times, like you often switch between the past tense and the present tense. I advise that you get a beta reader to check your grammar, it'll really give your writing a serious boost. My advise for you is seeing as you're already good at characterisation, in the future you should focus on the interaction between each character and their development, and seeing as this is digimon, don't forget about their partners, their digimon are just as diverse and unique as other humans to and many people forget about this fact. Maybe a digimon dedicated chapter, that can do wonders. Also, get a beta reader. I wanna see where this goes. Till next time, Real Deal out.