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9/14/2014 c5 5LadiePhoenix007
Once again, lots going on in this chapter. Is Pamela supposed to be a character that you sympathize with because right now, she is a not a very nice person. I hope Hermione will be included in the next update. I do like the intrigue of Charlie Weasley quietly being back and am very curious about his relationship.
9/10/2014 c4 LadiePhoenix007
I think I have understood what you are asking for in you AN challenge but it was a bit confusing so hopefully my answer will helpful.

I believe that Hermione should help Tonks as she is obviously familiar with muggle ways. I think that it is a really good idea that Tonks (Dora?) learn to get over her prejudices because both sides are wrong in judging based upon family names, house ties (Slytherin, Hufflepuff, etc), and blood status.

If Pamela doesn't give up property, perhaps the Order could meet at Shell Cottage.

As for forcing Pamela to give up property or forcing her hand, I am not sure of the difference? Perhaps she could be courted by someone? How old is she? If you go with that, it could be someone who would help her to not be so prejudiced against the magic world. (she seems to be but maybe I read that wrong) Prof. Snape? Charlie Weasley?

Hope this helped.
9/9/2014 c3 Guest
Why does this story have the status as "complete"? It's not complete, and you are still updating it, so please change your status so people don't click on it thinking they are getting a complete story.
9/9/2014 c1 Celeste
Okay. So, I think you have a good idea here. You need to work a little bit on your writing. Instead of straight dialouge for a few lines, make sure to add more descriptive words with the sentences Ex: "Moine, where were you?" Ginny asked, concern evident in her voice. Hermione thought she should just say 'at the library, of course!' no one would question that - it was expected of her. Instead she replied, "Thinking." "About what? NEWTS aren't for a few more months - don't worry about that yet!" Ginny laughed.
See what I mean? More punctuation to help the reader as well as more descriptions. It brings life and background to both of the characters. This would apply to your paragraphs as well, which are a little staccato. I understand the desire to get right to the end ("she had a sex dream starting Salazar Slytherin!") but the buildup is what really makes it.
9/7/2014 c3 LadiePhoenix007
Lots of information in this chapter and more twists. Fantastic! Keep updating, please!
9/7/2014 c3 IGOTEAMEDWARD
Love it! More please!
9/6/2014 c2 LadiePhoenix007
The plot intrigues me and makes me want to read more but like other reviewers, I would recommend checking your spelling and grammar. Hope that you'll continue this story.
9/6/2014 c2 IGOTEAMEDWARD
Brilliant!
9/4/2014 c1 Lucia
I'd suggest some spell check and grammar check before you post. While the plot might be decent (I couldn't finish it), I think that the fact that there is basically no punctuation makes it hard to read. Take this as constructive criticism :) Maybe you could look for a beta.
9/4/2014 c2 Lie To Me Heroes. Lie
Brilliant. Please continue.
9/4/2014 c2 1lupuslady
i'm glad your continuing this
9/1/2014 c1 Guest
Boo how could you end it there please write more
8/28/2014 c1 LuresaSWTOR
Very clever plotline! I'd like to see you write more for this story.
8/28/2014 c1 Guest
Okay i wanted to read this but your spelling and grammar are awful, you spelled Slytherin in 4 different ways; if not more. Please read the books again and fix your grammar. Or atleast get a Beta.
8/28/2014 c1 4loves vampires 02
Hey, i read your story and i ldo read your comment in the summry that you might make this a full story. Please do that, i thought that your story up until now ended in a huge cliffhanger... So i would like to read the rest of the story (if you decide to continue of course)
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