for When Two Universes Collide9/22/2014 c7 UltimatebadassOVERLORDsayan
You should definetely make this history a goten/harem history because there are very few goten/harem stories and also it wouldnt be hughschool dxd without the protagonist, in this case goten, having a harem. Besides that if do a harem you should add koneko, sona, kuroka, serafall and xenovia at least. Koneko and sona because they are the serioud type like chichi. Serafall and kuroka because they are carefree like most of the son family. And xenovia she awesome.
You should definetely make this history a goten/harem history because there are very few goten/harem stories and also it wouldnt be hughschool dxd without the protagonist, in this case goten, having a harem. Besides that if do a harem you should add koneko, sona, kuroka, serafall and xenovia at least. Koneko and sona because they are the serioud type like chichi. Serafall and kuroka because they are carefree like most of the son family. And xenovia she awesome.
9/19/2014 c7 
1Super Kamehameha
Lol the Guest who thinks Riser is gonna even touch Goten. Riser is a cocky asshole, he just raged because Goten one-shotted his pawn so easily.
1Super KamehamehaLol the Guest who thinks Riser is gonna even touch Goten. Riser is a cocky asshole, he just raged because Goten one-shotted his pawn so easily.
9/17/2014 c7 Guest
COME ON you think Riser can beat Goten in his base form Sheesh, he doesn't need Super Saiyan to beat him simple high concentrated ki blast is all needed to kill him or defeat him. Give Goten some sacred gear canceller or immunity to it that cancels any sacred gear and all to his Saiyan family members like some kind of Saiyan immunity. And don't forget Goten can destroy planets so Riser doesn't have one single chance to damage Goten much less scratch him in his full power.
COME ON you think Riser can beat Goten in his base form Sheesh, he doesn't need Super Saiyan to beat him simple high concentrated ki blast is all needed to kill him or defeat him. Give Goten some sacred gear canceller or immunity to it that cancels any sacred gear and all to his Saiyan family members like some kind of Saiyan immunity. And don't forget Goten can destroy planets so Riser doesn't have one single chance to damage Goten much less scratch him in his full power.
9/18/2014 c7 12JensenDaniels32
Well, I LOVE how you're doing this story! It doesn't take all day with explanations, but it stays interesting with DBZ-mainly Goten-kicking ass! :D
12JensenDaniels32Well, I LOVE how you're doing this story! It doesn't take all day with explanations, but it stays interesting with DBZ-mainly Goten-kicking ass! :D
9/17/2014 c7 MadGod666
Excellent, I want more. I think you should just skip the training and mention it as a short flash back. You forgot to mention about Whis and Beerus, these two are consider to be canon by Toriyama.
Don't make Goten go SSJ all the time it's just make him look weak. Have the guy kick ass without it. If you're going to have Goten go SSJ2 then I suggest you have him turn rage and shake the whole planet like what Gohan did in Cell game. It will be fun to see Kokabiel shit himself when Goten turn to SSJ2.
Use Broly, metal Cooler, or Janemba if you plan to have the other villains make an appearance. Be careful with Janemba that guy manage to kick SSJ3 Goku butt.
Excellent, I want more. I think you should just skip the training and mention it as a short flash back. You forgot to mention about Whis and Beerus, these two are consider to be canon by Toriyama.
Don't make Goten go SSJ all the time it's just make him look weak. Have the guy kick ass without it. If you're going to have Goten go SSJ2 then I suggest you have him turn rage and shake the whole planet like what Gohan did in Cell game. It will be fun to see Kokabiel shit himself when Goten turn to SSJ2.
Use Broly, metal Cooler, or Janemba if you plan to have the other villains make an appearance. Be careful with Janemba that guy manage to kick SSJ3 Goku butt.
9/14/2014 c5 Guest
You shouldn't make goten tur ssj for every fight, he doesn't need the power boost. Good story though
You shouldn't make goten tur ssj for every fight, he doesn't need the power boost. Good story though
9/14/2014 c5 MadGod666
While the story look nice and all but I have a feeling you downplaying the character from dbz verse too much. Why is it nobody from the 3 factions do anything during the cell game if this took place in the same universe? Kid Buu blew up the earth and nobody from the supernatural give a damn. There are a lot of stuff that you haven't explain it yet.
Please add Serafal to Goten harem. She will fit perfectly to the son family with her attitude. Just imagine the antic she and Goku can cause which give Chi-Chi a headache.
While the story look nice and all but I have a feeling you downplaying the character from dbz verse too much. Why is it nobody from the 3 factions do anything during the cell game if this took place in the same universe? Kid Buu blew up the earth and nobody from the supernatural give a damn. There are a lot of stuff that you haven't explain it yet.
Please add Serafal to Goten harem. She will fit perfectly to the son family with her attitude. Just imagine the antic she and Goku can cause which give Chi-Chi a headache.
9/14/2014 c2 hugp1x
NOPE
Seriously, Goten unable to stop Raynare? I think not. You've chosen either the wrong character or the wrong crossover, that doesn't fly with super saiyans.
Good luck.
NOPE
Seriously, Goten unable to stop Raynare? I think not. You've chosen either the wrong character or the wrong crossover, that doesn't fly with super saiyans.
Good luck.
9/14/2014 c1 hugp1x
I'll be easy on you since it's your first fic.
First, there's no need for Goten to verbalize his thoughts when you're writing in first person (or ever). Muttering things like 'what the hell...' are generally fine,but try to keep it at a minimum.
Second, if it's his first year at high school, he should be in 1A (or B, or whatever). He'd be a first year, like Koneko. If it's just his first time going to school, you should probably mention his mother's tutoring had him placed at second year level.
Third, all evidence points to Issei hating 'rivals' that are instantly popular with girls. Goten being so buff wouldn't help matters. You've rushed that friendship and should have waited until later to form it. Don't feel obligated to give Issei a bigger role than necessary because he's the canon protagonist.
Finally, a conceptual problem (unless Goten and Trunks are just gonna curb stomp everyone, which is fine). Goten is far more powerful than those in the DxD universe. Given the amount of world ending threats the Z warriors had to face without the 3-factions' help, I can't see how they could logically be seen even as Goten's superior. Surely, if they were on par, they'd have been interested in defending the earth too.
I'll be easy on you since it's your first fic.
First, there's no need for Goten to verbalize his thoughts when you're writing in first person (or ever). Muttering things like 'what the hell...' are generally fine,but try to keep it at a minimum.
Second, if it's his first year at high school, he should be in 1A (or B, or whatever). He'd be a first year, like Koneko. If it's just his first time going to school, you should probably mention his mother's tutoring had him placed at second year level.
Third, all evidence points to Issei hating 'rivals' that are instantly popular with girls. Goten being so buff wouldn't help matters. You've rushed that friendship and should have waited until later to form it. Don't feel obligated to give Issei a bigger role than necessary because he's the canon protagonist.
Finally, a conceptual problem (unless Goten and Trunks are just gonna curb stomp everyone, which is fine). Goten is far more powerful than those in the DxD universe. Given the amount of world ending threats the Z warriors had to face without the 3-factions' help, I can't see how they could logically be seen even as Goten's superior. Surely, if they were on par, they'd have been interested in defending the earth too.
9/8/2014 c3 Guest
123Gohan the first sentence says he doesn't become a devil.
123Gohan the first sentence says he doesn't become a devil.