for A New Beginning6/4/2019 c4 Guest
After reading the entire story so far. I have to say it’s by far one of the best fanfics of KOTOR I’ve ever read
After reading the entire story so far. I have to say it’s by far one of the best fanfics of KOTOR I’ve ever read
3/17/2016 c4 Akorafay
Give us more please
Give us more please
4/3/2015 c2 Skydarkness231
Write more, the story is very interesting :)
Write more, the story is very interesting :)
4/3/2015 c2 Guest
You prologue is a bit strange but your first chap is interresting. I need more to find if I really like the plot or not.
You prologue is a bit strange but your first chap is interresting. I need more to find if I really like the plot or not.
9/10/2014 c1 
4ajaton123
I don't know if I interpreted this correctly, but "she" is probably Revan and "he" is Carth? Your writing is pretty solid (why not to carry the same quality to Author's notes? - there are quite a few mistakes there, i.e. lack of use of capital letters), so I wanted to leave a comment, which hopefully helps you.
I'd say the start is quite harsh and risky (basically you show a drunk man beating up a woman without further explanation of what's happened and why that happened). You are going to face a huge challenge of making the woman-beater likeable in the case that is your aim when the story progresses. Personally, I would be mentally shouting at the woman-character the whole time: "No! Don't go there! Avoid that man!"
Another issue I'm seeing here is that both seem somewhat OOC (if this was Revan and Carth). Of course, we have a lot of freedom with the personality of Revan, but I had a little bit of trouble connecting the protagonist to the person who was able to push Mandalorians back and the drunken woman-abuser to Carth.
What I'm trying to say here: when scenes like this are used as plot devices, you really need to be careful with them. As a starting scene it might be a showstopper for many readers because this just feels a little senseless without any further clarification. So I suggest you to re-think a little. Is this really the way you want to start your story? Is this how you want to introduce the characters to you readers - an abuser and a victim? The starting scene is supposed to be the one which pulls readers for you story. The current setting gives your story quite a tragical shroud and I am uncertain if that was what you were aiming for since you've labeled the story as Romance.
Hopefully this was not too blunt. My intention is not to stop you from writing, quite the opposite in fact, but since you seem to be new with this I just wanted to highlight challenges you are going to face and why readers might avoid stories like this. Generally your writing flows nicely, stick with it.
4ajaton123I don't know if I interpreted this correctly, but "she" is probably Revan and "he" is Carth? Your writing is pretty solid (why not to carry the same quality to Author's notes? - there are quite a few mistakes there, i.e. lack of use of capital letters), so I wanted to leave a comment, which hopefully helps you.
I'd say the start is quite harsh and risky (basically you show a drunk man beating up a woman without further explanation of what's happened and why that happened). You are going to face a huge challenge of making the woman-beater likeable in the case that is your aim when the story progresses. Personally, I would be mentally shouting at the woman-character the whole time: "No! Don't go there! Avoid that man!"
Another issue I'm seeing here is that both seem somewhat OOC (if this was Revan and Carth). Of course, we have a lot of freedom with the personality of Revan, but I had a little bit of trouble connecting the protagonist to the person who was able to push Mandalorians back and the drunken woman-abuser to Carth.
What I'm trying to say here: when scenes like this are used as plot devices, you really need to be careful with them. As a starting scene it might be a showstopper for many readers because this just feels a little senseless without any further clarification. So I suggest you to re-think a little. Is this really the way you want to start your story? Is this how you want to introduce the characters to you readers - an abuser and a victim? The starting scene is supposed to be the one which pulls readers for you story. The current setting gives your story quite a tragical shroud and I am uncertain if that was what you were aiming for since you've labeled the story as Romance.
Hopefully this was not too blunt. My intention is not to stop you from writing, quite the opposite in fact, but since you seem to be new with this I just wanted to highlight challenges you are going to face and why readers might avoid stories like this. Generally your writing flows nicely, stick with it.