Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for seaQuest: Once in a Blue Moon

6/28/2015 c3 47Cheile
Hey, murphy! Finishing this one up, again for the Caesar's Palace Reviewathon.

And now the conclusion...

I thought Kristin's whole relief and happiness at knowing Nathan is really THERE with her was shown wonderfully. Especially her chant of "thank you, God" and then her breakdown when he wakes up and embraces her. That's so realistic for someone who's been what she's been through.

For the final scene, is the place you're describing that has become an island supposed to be Machu Picchu? Just curious :)

I like the realism of how he has trouble finding the words but is able to tell her all that went on during the missing years—he knows even if he can't make sense of how to say it, she will understand.. and of course, I love that he not only proposed to her, but that it's an heirloom ring. Adorable!

Only concrit I have is that her teasing crack at the end would make more sense if you took out "American". Saying both seems redundant and you can use either word but since British tend to call Americans "Yanks", I think it'd make perfect sense for her to say "Yankee".

Wonderful read—thanks for sharing with us :)
6/23/2015 c2 Cheile
Hey, murphy! Finally back to continue on this one. I'm actually here representing Caesar's Palace forum for their Reviewathon and to extend an invitation to come join us over there :)

So picking up where we left off from last time...

I adore Nathan's worry and concern for Kristin's condition. The line about how he thinks that the cliché phrase abt time healing all wounds is BS is so appropriate. It didn't for him in the case of Robert's loss and Carol's death—and it hadn't for her with Nathan's assumed demise either.

I also like that it was Cynthia who sent him her way. Their meeting at Andes Island and the short conversation was a great way for him to find out just how hard Kristin had taken his alleged death AND how much she meant to him, even when he was trapped for ten years in another galaxy.

That whole talking to her while she slept pretty well broke my feels. Just so adorable, though I had to giggle at him saying it's a good thing she was asleep or she'd be tearing into him! No doubt true!

Love the comparison to him and Odysseus. Pretty appropriate. Now let's just hope that the reunion is as happy as Odysseus and Penelope's when Kristin wakes up!

Only concrit: I would put some scene breakers in between the present and the conversation with Cynthia. I think it would help show that that was the (recentish) past.

And like I mentioned in my chapter 1 review, "Entwined Hearts" is such a great backdrop song for this piece of your writing.

Great chapter—will be getting to the last one very soon!
2/2/2015 c1 Cheile
Heya, murphy! So color me embarrassed because I didn’t think to look at your profile til recently and see what you had written yourself! But here I am now.

You illustrate Kristin’s exhaustion and the conditions she’s having to put up with quite well. Without going overboard in wording, you illustrate just how beat down she is by the primitive conditions and how she’s essentially working herself to the bone to forget.

Oh me oh my—that flashback/dream-turned-nightmare! I was loving it until you scared the both of us. Poor Kristin :( it’s another great way to illustrate the toll the crew’s disappearance (but especially Nathan’s absence) has taken.

[She would never see an ocean again and not think of Nathan Bridger, Lucas, and the crew of the seaQuest.] – I think this is the defining line of this—driving home just how hard the loss is.

I had the sneaking suspicion that that dolphin was Darwin even before you gave a bigger hint that it was him. But I was NOT expecting Nathan to show up. I nearly shrieked when I recognized him (good thing I didn’t-I’m in the college library! LOL) and oh you end it with her passing out cold! Mean! LOL! Guess I am gonna have to continue to see what she says when she wakes up!

Minor suggestion – I would use the dividing lines in the doc manager to separate the flashback from the main storyline. (And no need to put the abbreviation since we know who it involves, hehe.)

And side note if you are musically inclined like me – I found Adrian von Ziegler’s piano piece “Entwined Hearts” as a great backdrop for this. You can check him out on YouTube if you like.

This is great! I cannot wait to read the rest :)
9/25/2014 c3 35kaleen1212
You most definitely must continue this story! Wonderful start!
9/22/2014 c3 T'Lu
Very nice. Thank you! Loved Darwin's part in the story - especially after the part he played in getting together in your other story. (You know, you could have blown up the clinic or something ... ;-) )
9/19/2014 c3 75darkaccalia520
Woo! I loved it! It was beautiful and awesome! This was some lovely characterization and totally how they'd both react, I think. I could literally hear it and see it all, so well done there! I can't wait for more. Well done, dearie! :)
9/18/2014 c3 1jujuone23
Awww, all mush and LOVE IT! Love it!
9/17/2014 c2 jujuone23
Lovely chapter. I like the way you've written it so far. Poor Kristin...can't wait for her reaction!
9/16/2014 c2 75darkaccalia520
I'm so glad it was real. I was somewhat worried you were going to make it all a dream (that's something I'd do ;P). But I really loved this. Some of your descriptions were amazing, and of course, Kristin would have worked herself to the bone to try to forget about Nathan. It makes sense she'd be in shock. And I adored the Odysseus reference. That was awesome! I can't wait to see where this goes! Well done. :)
9/16/2014 c1 darkaccalia520
Oh, my God! This was just gorgeous. You brought tears to my eyes. I have no words...except that I really hope there's more. I loved every minute of it. So sweet and beautiful. Well done! :)
9/16/2014 c1 1jujuone23
Great story! Is this a one off or do we get more, lol?

Desktop Mode . Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service