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for Serena's crazy crush

4/26 c5 ghost
run ash run son
6/14/2017 c5 Guest
PokemonOtaku0909, make a sequel to Serena's Crazy Crush..!
6/4/2017 c5 FOXWOLFGIRL
5/13/2017 c2 Nicole Sgambati
Ash x Serena Shipping Material!
5/13/2017 c1 Nicole Sgambati
it was altogether odd, funny, and cool.
4/16/2017 c1 1Epitaxis
Serena is OOC
2/18/2017 c5 No amour
Serena the evil mini fanfic :::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Serena: It's time ! ️ Lyra : For what ? Serena: Me to confess my love to ash ! OBVIOUSLY ! Lyra : Um ... ok . Clemont : You seek kinda sad . Lyra : Oh , I like ash too ... that's all .. Serena ( full yandere ) : STAY AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND YOU UNLOVED LOSER! Lyra : YEEP ! Clemont : YANDERE ! Bonnie : AHH CREEPY! ( * Serena storms off .*). Bonnie : Hey why don't you confess too ? Lyra : Why bother ? I can't beat Serena ! Besides why would ash choose me ? Serena is pretty and popular and famous and - Bonnie : So are you . Besides , Serena is a faker. Lyra : I thought you were friends . Bonnie : We are . But Serena isn't right for ash ! You are !Lyra : Alright I'll tell him ! Bonnie : The worst is he can call you a dork and choose Serena over you ! Lyra ( * now crouching in a corner * ) : Not helping ! Bonnie : Whatta think Clemont ? ( *no response *) Lyra : Clemont ? ( * they realize Clemont is asleep .*). Lyra : geez whatta bum. Scene 2! Serena : And that's why we should be together . So ... let's go on a date ! Ash : Hold on a - ( * Lyra runs up*) : waitwaitwaitashilikeyou. Ash : Wha - Serena : Get OUT dork ! Ash : Geez let's calm down ! Serena : you aren't even friends! Stay away from my Hubbie ! Lyra and ash : WHAT?! Lyra : We are friends , you jerk ! Serena ( *suddenly sweet .*) : Oh yeah , I forgot . My bad ! I found this little doll of you in Ash's backpack ! I thought it was some horror doll! I didn't think this was supposed to be a person .. now I know it's a voodoo doll ... haha! Ash : You went THROUGH my BACKPACK?! (* Suddenly Lyra slaps Serena !*) Serena : OW ! What was that for ?! Lyra : WHAT?! Your making fun of me ! Ever since I came to start my Kalos journey you've been bulling me ! Serena: Your such a crybaby . Can't you take a joke ? Lyra : That . WASN'T . A . JOKE ! Your just a little faker ! ( * Serena starts fake crying .*). Serena : H-How ... c -could ... y-y-y-ou -u ? I -I t-t-thought w-we w-were friends ! Lyra : You little faker (*sees ash'a expression *) Um . Ash : STOP ! Serena just STOP . Serena (*now scowling * ) : Your going to side with HER?! Ash : Sorry but Lyra's right . Lyra (*crying * ) : A-Ash ... ( * Lyra n Ash kiss ) Serena : I was afraid of this . But I came prepared . ( *She takes out a knife .*). Lyra : What are you -( * Lyra gets stabbed .* ). (* Ash fights Serena as Lyra weakly calls 911 . The police came and arrest Serena . Her Pokemon are given new owners and Lyra and Ash live happily ever after .*) The end ! Plz like this took 18 minutes to make no joke .
1/17/2017 c5 Guest
I don't know if this was meant to be a parody but this makes no sense at all. A total waste of time.
10/20/2016 c5 4BlackRubyADV
Okay this chapter had the best character for Ash than the last three. Serena, not so much. She wouldn't just kiss Ash and have his hands all over him. She's a shy girl isn't she? She should've taken it slow instead of just rushing it. Ash however, was on point! That's exactly how I'd imagine Ash reacting if someone told him they loved him, much less kissed him. Lol. So this chapter was a good work on your side. Good character, starting to get use to adding more detail, and some nice humor sprinkled in. Yes, good job. :) Looking forward to chapter 6.

10/20/2016 c4 BlackRubyADV
Chapter 4 review is here! ㄟ( ・ө・ )ㄏ

See this is what I'm talking about. Ash told Serena about his travels through the Unova region, which is good, but it's just too long. Shorten it up a bit, add a little more of interaction between Ash and Serena; that way it's not just Ash telling her about his ENTIRE journey through Unova. And you used the same, "Do you love her?" gimmick which is really starting to bore me. Now keep in mind that I don't want to be mean, I'm just criticizing your work. Come up with something new and fresh each time. That way the readers won't know what to expect. :) That's it for this chapter's review. I'll see you on the next one.

10/20/2016 c3 BlackRubyADV
Boy, was this a long chapter! Phew...
Review for chapter three is here!

So when I started reading this I became aware of what you were trying to write, which is Ash telling Serena about most of his travels, which is good, don't worry. The chapter was good a lot detail, but not enough for a single paragraph. This chapter was long and ( I'm sorry if this comes out a little harsh) boring. :( You gotta put more detail in one paragraph and more dialogue. If you keep doing it way it is now, which is one sentence per paragraph; some, not all, readers will become bored. So like I said before, try adding more details and dialogue on one sentence. If you need help with this, just read some fanfics from really good writers and look at how they write dialogue and such. Trust me, that'll help a lot. I also happen to notice you keep repeating the whole, "Do you love her?" Sequence. You should try changing it up a bit. That way it doesn't get too repetitive.

Sorry if my spelling is bad, I'm typing this on my phone.

10/19/2016 c2 BlackRubyADV
Me again! _ Time to leave you a review again!

okay, this is my favorite chapter so far, mainly because Ash tells Serena about his travels through Hoenn with May, Max, and Brock. As I told you before; I'm an Advanceshipper so when I saw you were steering your way through the Hoenn region I legit raised my fist and exclaimed, "Yes! Hoenn!" No lie, I actually did this. Lol. You're getting better, slowly, but you are. The grammar improved from last chapter and you seem to be putting in more details in a single paragraph which is good. May I suggest you write their speeches in one paragraph instead of one person says one sentence then another paragraph begins. I suggest this because, it'll be easier for your readers to, well read it. But like I said before, you're getting better. :)

10/19/2016 c1 BlackRubyADV
Hey, it's me PokémonTrainerRuby! I'm here to leave a review to your story.:)

Okay. This chapter was confusing at first, mainly due to how you wrote how the conversations go. For example, SERENA: bla, bla, bla. I'm not use to that, I'm use to paragraphs when people talk. You should definitely try that. It'll help your readers read the story better. As for the characters, they were in character actually; especially Ash. Although Serena did break character a few times there, but only a few so don't worry. I like how you wrote Ash telling Serena about his travels through Kanto with Misty and Brock. Nice touch there.

That's all I got for this chapter. Gonna go read the next one. I'm a slow reader by the way so it'll take some time.

7/19/2016 c5 Anonymous
What in the world is this true if it is good luck ash
Liar this is not true what in the world what do u like lying because the episode after that one is is to find a fairy flower
7/10/2016 c5 j
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