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for The Journey of a Betrayed Master Book 1: The Master's Tournament

10/24/2014 c4 2Arctic Fox72
XD better. Also, if it's ok, when I use Arctic in RPs, Winter can usually talk to him with her aura. If you don't want to do that it's fine.
10/24/2014 c4 7Lucifers Descendant
Nailed it
10/24/2014 c4 6Solomon07
Ah...I am amused with how you managed to portray my OC. But a friendly tip, Eva doesn't really ask for other's to be her play thing, if you get what I mean. But other than that, you've gotten a tad better in your writing.

While they're still a bit large, your no longer clumping together words to form an unnecessarily large paragraph. My tip would be that you make a new one every time you switch between character dialogues. There are some other's, but other Han that. Good job with the chapters so far.
10/24/2014 c4 Demonkid1
Question why didn't you get Richie for the team instead of 1 more OC?
10/24/2014 c4 5The Man Known as nWore
I'm pretty happy with how my OC is. Good work.
10/24/2014 c4 9Legendary Fairy
Eh, nice chapter and well my OC is okay, thanks for accepting her, I forgot to say it before.

Can't wait for more.
10/21/2014 c1 Guest
I think you should add pidgeot to ash's harem with noctowl,bayleef, and snivy. I think adding these are a good idea since there pretty rare shipping.
10/23/2014 c3 Red Alfa
Great chap glad to see Aah getting tortera back. Thanks also on telling us how Ash got his old pokemon. Man i can't wait to see what you got planned for the next chap
10/23/2014 c2 GreatAndPowerful
You need to stop with the giant paragraphs.

You gotta make them smaller.
10/23/2014 c1 GreatAndPowerful
I hate when people make the traitors go this far, Its just dumb like why would they want to kill him all of a sudden :p

Its just seems going too far with the traitor thing
10/23/2014 c3 2pensuka
i wonder how they react when they find out the truth of who red really is i bet afew of them would look like they seen a ghost
10/23/2014 c3 2Arctic Fox72
XD Good job with Frost. This is going to be hilarious when Winter comes out XD I can't wait. Also, I would like to point out, nice nickname for Arctic. Awesome sauce is a can of badass.
10/23/2014 c3 9Legendary Fairy
Nice chapter and thanks for the explanation, that explained how did Ash's released Pokemon arrived to Kanto and what happened with Ash's Pokemon and Ash got his Torterra back! - In your face Trip! XD

l'm going to do a really dumb question, because I think it'll be obvious, but I guess that Pidgeot went to warn Ash's old Pokemon, right?

However I really like the chapter and I don't see errors.
10/23/2014 c3 BlindLight98
Good chapter
10/23/2014 c2 3Darkhammer
Hi, well written, now are you still taking OCs? If you are I mayhave one you may like.
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