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for The Journey of a Betrayed Master Book 1: The Master's Tournament

2/21/2018 c8 OtokoNoRomance
I can't take it anymore so I'll stop reading here. The writing is horrible, the characters' motives are never explained and they're not developed at all, the battles are short and boring. There's no excitement during battle scenes. The story feels like I'm reading a summary instead of the real thing. I thought a battlefic like this would be exciting but I find myself not at all invested in what happens. Ash was gonna punch someone in the face just because they joined the tournament and he didn't think he could defeat them? Pathetic.
I really liked what you did in allowing others to come up with OC trainers for you. Very unique and interesting. Their addition made Ash feel like more of a side character instead of the main however. You should consider not injecting authors notes every 3 paragraphs though. Unnecesairy and very distracting. Thanks for the effort you put into this though. Keep practising your writing!
2/20/2018 c1 OtokoNoRomance
What the heck? How did they go from hating on Ash to murdering him and his mum in just a few lines? It's ridiculous... Still, I'm gonna keep reading and see what happens.
10/19/2017 c1 Seikunaras
urgh your formatting is bloody awful. try to make paragraphs a bit clearer, otherwise it's annoying to read
10/15/2017 c1 jbadillodavila
Genial
10/8/2017 c1 ForeverKidd
Fuck me... Who the hell is the damn protagonist in this story. You need to make your story clearer and structure them better...
10/5/2017 c6 1Aman7709
please tell me you got the name ashura from Naruto
7/30/2017 c2 someone
minor mistake. If arceus is a lady in this story then u shouldn't said GOD. If is a female, then its a godness.
7/6/2017 c1 Guest
Oh no not da mewtwo/killing machine of death and destruction/lord beerus/omni king/zen oh
5/7/2017 c1 Arthur048
Quite cliche, sub par writing - just lost interest in the story
3/16/2017 c2 Guest
How dare you # hunter master race
1/22/2017 c5 Hats77
kill me
1/21/2017 c3 Hats77
Wait, gey jeans? Do you mean grey jeans?
1/21/2017 c2 Hats77
On EVERY SINGLE "Ash is betrayed" FANFIC ASH BUMPS INTO MAX JESUS!
1/16/2017 c2 Guest
You do know some of his pokemon are training
11/24/2016 c2 FyreDrakon
your intros are longer than your chapter
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