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9/4/2018 c1 fXzUA
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9/2/2018 c1 a0ibU
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9/2/2018 c1 NQAWy
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5/1/2017 c9 Nakumare
I looked ahead to see if the issue is ever remedied, but since it sadly seems it is not I feel I need to give some advice.

Your story would probably flow much better and possibly even receive more views and feedback if you were to add paragraph breaks at each shift in person speaking. You're supposed to have a totally new paragraph any time it moves from one speaker to another, and several quotation sentences should only fit into a single paragraph if it's consistently the same person saying each one.

Beyond that singular issue though the story's writing seems really good if you still are making updates on this based on availability, though certain things could due for some better explanation here or there. Each chapter seems a bit on the short side as well, but since you break into a new perspective or group of people each chapter that likely cannot be helped.
6/5/2016 c2 1K'kruhk
Very nice, awesome with a lot of effort put in it but one thing that bugs me which really breaks thr immersion is that you call Michiko a "brunette" while actually she's a mestizo or pardo.
12/7/2015 c9 268Traitor of All Traitors
The title feels like Beautiful Misery used in Galerians.
8/11/2015 c8 109purpledragon6
So Michiko has a daughter in this and another ex lover, okay, I think I'm starting to get this.
8/11/2015 c2 purpledragon6
This was a bit confusing and you need more spaces.
8/11/2015 c1 purpledragon6
That was beautifully written, I must admit it.
8/11/2015 c37 purpledragon6
You need spaces between what is speech and what is an action instead of blocking the text into one clump.

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