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12/18/2014 c3 Alpha
A veteran guardsmen suffering from PTSD
12/18/2014 c3 1Altarir
Nice. My suggestion was short on purpose: I didn't want to limit your creativity :) And the story was very nice to read!

Here's another idea: Drach'nyen
12/18/2014 c3 Guilliman
Astartes betrayed
12/9/2014 c2 19BIBOTOT
9 out of 10.
That was cool, seeing how the Thousand Sons being described with more characteristics rather than just knowledge thirsty fanatics. The ending was quite nice, and the style perfectly readable. Just saying, since the story takes place somewhere after the Siege of Terra and before the rise of Abaddon (hence, the name Black Legion is not mentioned), the Imperial Guards did not exist.
12/7/2014 c2 Alpha70
1. Your an awesome writer keep up the good work

2. Most stories have the imperium defending against an impossible invasion. I suggest writing a story where the imperium is the impossible invasion. Gaurd forces flooding down upon some eldar or tau world and then having the final stand
12/7/2014 c2 Spider
Spider Reporting -
Very interesting - really great to see you write of the life of a post-Heresy War-band, settling in the Eye of Terror.

great Characters, loved the contrasting of gods, and warriors - shows the true diversity and unpredictability of Chaos Space Marines. - This is top-Quality Fan Writing at its best.

Keep up the good work.

Thought - Regarding the Forsaken Sons, will we see them face off against other enemies, like Eldar, Orks, etc?

- Following on from that - will we see the War-band do other actions - E.g. Exploring a Space Hulk, because given their experience in Daemon-killing in confined spaces on-board the Hand of Ruin - The Forsaken Sons would be right at home with Space Hulk Exploration.

Spider Out.
12/6/2014 c2 Guilliman
Very nice now the next idea should be a short one
"A PDF trooper holding his/her position against Chaos while covering a wounded Space marine"
11/4/2014 c1 GodfreytheGreat
Love it, keep up the good work. Im exited to read the next one.

Maybe do a space hulk short. From the geenstealer or sspace marine side. Or scavengers find it and are looking for things but they dont know whats stalking them.
11/2/2014 c1 Guilliman
Well it's nice to see my idea is used
So next idea
A heretic space marine from the thousand sons legion seeking redemption
10/22/2014 c1 BIBOTOT
9 out of 10.
As someone who no longer have a lot of time to finish a dozen novels, I have taken up reading short Warhammer 40k stories while waiting for the (hopefully soon) release of Ciaphas Cain's third Omnibus. I like the concept of short stories fanfiction, because most long ones will never come to an end, and I REALLY want to see and know if my time and effort spent had been worthwhile or not at the end.
Anyway, here are my thoughts on this:
- Cool description and background. The order, timeline and reasoning of the battle is explained quite clearly.
- Great writing style. Good flow overall and no visible mistakes. Pacing is readable overall.
- Imperial Guards' last stand (or Space Marines' last stand) is one of the most generic concept in Warhammer 40k which has been recycled and reused countless times. Due to the presence of an unexpected twist, the story is still enjoyable and intriguing. But now, I don't understand the twist a lot. What happen to the Alpha Legionnaires? Why did they not fight back against Imperial reinforcement? What is the Inquisition's agenda when they send the doom message, only to deliver aid later? What will happen to Saul, when they find out he is still alive and might have been tainted by the Alpha Legion? These might be explained in sequels, but still, I would like to know.
- Awesome portrayal of the Traitor Marines. A lot of people are tempted either to make them too strong or too weak; this is just right. They are a powerful breed, but they die all the same given enough firepower (and luck).
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