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for Yaoi fangirl BUSTED!

10/6/2017 c1 ItzDarkky
OMG~~~ Amy, you sly little fanatic.

I 3 this.
6/22/2017 c1 4wavyinterlude
This is absolutely hilarious. They are right though, new speaker, new line.
6/17/2017 c1 4Linz2
This is hilarious, definitely going in my favorites. Just remember: new speaker, new line. I also really want to see Shadow's reaction.
3/18/2015 c1 deeeeeleeeeteeedd
Oh my god! AMY I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND YOUR LOGIC AND THAT'S OHKAY BECAUSE I SERIOUSLY SHIP THEM TOO HAHA XDD How does AMY even KNOW about that stuff? She's only twelve? Oh well, screw logic in this case haha. Nice little story. This needs a sequel where it actually shows Shadow's reaction, that's something I'd love to see.
3/16/2015 c1 Sonic The Legendary Hedgehog
Pls do chapter two, with Shadow's reaction. And if you can, do a 3rd chapter with me and Shads getting revenge on Amy, but no tears pls.
1/3/2015 c1 32Soniclover23
10/26/2014 c1 yaoifan
Please continue!
10/26/2014 c1 karygarcia21
JAJA I loved the chapter, I hope the following, and I want to see the reaction of shadow on amy xD
10/26/2014 c1 19Lord Kelvin
Cover belongs to you!

Best part of the summary. Seriously, though, some quirks aside, the story looks awesome on the front page. The title, summary and cover match the whimsical spirit.

The actual story is more problematic. You don't seem to know how to format text on the screen. Block paragraphs. Look them up. Dialogue tags. Look those up, too. One speaker, one line.

Overcapitalised screaming is a common issue in parodies. The author wants to present a funny joke, but the way they type the joke up, the technical execution, is stupid. You want the fic to be funny, not stupid, right? Regardless of the seriousness level of the fic, it deserves some dedication from you. And that means proofreading, editing, beta reading. Do those and us readers will have a parody that tickles the funny bone in all the right ways.

Concerning other things worth improving, I'd totally dump the Wapanese. It's tacky and reduces the possibility that someone will favourite. Keep it straight by keeping it English. Hyuck. Varying up the slapstick humour and reducing reliance on dialogue (seriously, they talk non-stop) would also help.

For the basic 30-minute write that this is, it has some amazing if unconscious editorial decisions. Take the intro. It goes straight to the point, no nonsense or dull exposition. The topic is also spot-on, including pointy humour directed at the readers and the characters. It ends with the promise of more and, more importantly, a book of all things is the key plot device. A paper book!

My hope is that you will be able to vary things up with Shadow, so it doesn't come off as a repeat, and give the current chapter a good brushing.

Have a nice, abuse-free day.
10/25/2014 c1 3AJ the Hedgehog
funny as hell
10/25/2014 c1 1FraxusRevolution
You should totally continue this and write shadow's reaction.
It would be hilarious! XD

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