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9/7/2017 c1 79YeagerMeister31
well that was interesting but Sakura's older then Naruto so shouldn't Mebuki have Sakura already if that was very close to Naruto's birthday Sakura's birthday is March 28th Naruto's is October 10th lol
7/26/2017 c1 7InsertWeabooNameHere
11/29/2015 c2 Czar Joseph
Its okay. Guess I will wait for you to finished your re-write. Also I will be using this Offline Mode for sure if I will use my Online mode.

So be sure to you got it better and I looked forward for the 'real' chapter 2.
6/17/2015 c2 2MadMan26
Great job love it I'm in no hurry for the next chapter take ur time don't rush urself. write the story you want to write :) mad-man out
6/17/2015 c1 MadMan26
Love the way this story is forming keep up the good work mad-man out lol
11/17/2014 c2 11Mathiasosx
I like the idea of Mebuki as a retainer. With the pink hair (At least in this case) You could almost have the Haruno's be a distant relative of the Uzumaki. It works in my head at least.
11/15/2014 c1 1narusaku2015
How did you line break?
11/15/2014 c2 narusaku2015
Please continue I love this and when is sakura coming in PLEASE CONTINUE
11/14/2014 c1 ScenicNight
There were some minor grammatical and punctuation errors, such as missing periods. There were also some spelling and capitalization errors. Also, in the beginning of dialogue, it would be helpful to identify the characters by name or by physical features if they are minor characters if there are more than two characters. For example:

A woman with pink hair saw a group of thugs beating up a blonde hair child.

"What are you idiots doing?" Mebuki asked.

"Butt out woman," a thug with a mustache said/ a thug named Bone said.

"I'll do what I please," the woman said.

"Mind your own business," a slicked hair loudmouth shouted.

"Why don't you follow your own advice brat," the woman smiled smugly.

It would be helpful to put descriptions of how the character is feeling as the character is speaking and to show the characters actions. For example, when Mebuki questioned whom Naruto was talking about, instead of writing the questions she was thinking, you could show her puzzlement, e.g. [Mebuki raised an eyebrow out of curiosity. "Who do you mean by old man Naruto?" Mebuki asked.]

Overall, the concept of this story is very interesting.
11/13/2014 c2 5Poppy Grave Dreams
Use Mebuki, it's more interesting.
11/13/2014 c2 1Hanmac
i wonder if Mebuki would take care of Naruto, hm like taking him home so that both Naruto and Sakura would live under one roof might be interesting development ;P
11/1/2014 c1 surabhi
certainly a refreshing outlook !
storyline is promising!
kudos 3
hopefully you'll update soon
looking forward to it :-D
10/31/2014 c1 1ExodiaGeass8910
Like the setup, just a couple minor issues.

1) Sniviling - is both spelled incorrectly, and where it was used, it'd be more accurate to say Mebuki was SNIFFINLING

2) Last sentence - would have read cleaner as Protect and Serve this boy with my life.

Other then those outstanding issues, I like the story. I do hope you take the chance to help it flow and read a little better though when you update!
10/31/2014 c1 4THE 7TH DEMON OF RAZGRIZ
Interesting and hope you do well on this
10/31/2014 c1 3Prince-Crimson-Eclipse
nice start
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