Just In
for Unexpected Turn

11/8/2015 c1 22Kakerot Bardockson
I like it so far ,as for what could happen I think kim would either snap and go off on him or just be dumb struck, Ron would be civil but probably cold toward her
11/5/2015 c1 Spirit Of The Black Wolf
Is there going to be an update to for this story? I hope there will it an interesting plot, but to be honest you're grammar/spelling/punctuation needs improvement but don't give up keep writing.
I hope to read more of you're story's.
12/16/2014 c1 12Dragonchick101
It could do with some better grammar and it has some spelling mistakes. I actually have no idea what Kim Possible is, so I can't give you tips on the personality of the characters, but it is quite a good start for your first story. I started writing stories before I had an account on this site and they weren't very good, but I persevered and ended up writing Mystery Rider.
Regards, Dragonchick101
11/10/2014 c1 CgC
This is a interesting story with a interesting and very rare use pairing but because your gramar mystake is very hard to read and your timeline is a little of(if Joss came to Midelltown after Kim left for New York she couldn't go to same college as Ron and Bonnie because she was 15 at that if Ron go to Japan after six months he couldn't ask Joss to mary him because she was to young).
To make this a succesful atory you nide to take your time,solve your gramar problem,establish a clear timeline and try to write from divers Point Of your writing block may I sugest to have Kim to tell her family and Ron how her life was with Josh Mankey(maybe she drop out of college after she got married at Josh insistence and later she found out that Josh is cheat on her and he marry her just because her popularity will help him with his art sale-to be know as the guy who marry the heroine Kim Possible).And I don't think that Kim and Ron should became friends again because she abandon him when he need her most(that is not a lover or bestfriend do because Ron stood with her to thin and thick and he has that problem because he save her).If she truly love him she should try to help him like Joss and Bonnie has done,no dump him and Joss had wait for him until he could resolve his problem and she accepted him and what he can maybe you could tell how Ron have so much money(royaltie chek from Bueno Nachos and maybe he purchase Bueno Nachos after Drakken Diablo plan when he seize control of Bueno Nachos with less than legal Drakken got arrested Ron could have use his money to purchase action of Bueno Nachos because they drop to a very low price with all the problem caused by Diablo bots).
This being said I hope that you didn't got offended by my comentary and I hope that you will continue your story because I can't wait to read more.
11/2/2014 c1 5jim89
Well, there is abuse go hate to say it but it looks like CajunBear73
hit the nail on the head here much more eloquently than I could
with Kim's situation

Here's what I add I think Bonnie was a bit out of line her yelling at Kim you, she took a shot at
dating Ron and things didn't work out. That's not on Kim here.

As for Kim which each apparently she was afraid of any others in with her problem. She tried to distance people to fix things. Now here is an interesting question. Josh in a way was taking after Kim in both appearance and job. She was training to be an adventurer way back when she also looked very much like Kim. Which is the question is if Ron hooked up with Jocelyn easy just using her as a replacement for Kim.

Now it looks, feels like Kim has nothing, not even her friends . The first line with Kim's parents said do you need money, this alone shows that her parents don't even trust her or like her right now. Also you failed to mention with Kim degree in and what she does for a living

and Bonnie weaseling her away into old Kim's life. Sounds to me like Bonnie's been spending the time when Kim was away turning everyone against her. Let's be honest all of Bonnie's actions here show
this is a fetish know matter what no Kim's life Hell. The difference now is all of Kim friends and family are siding with Bonnie

the fact Jocelyn, send the video Kim and Ron's emotional encounter. Shows that Jocelyn doesn't care what happens to Kim. If she's willing to embarrass her to Bonnie like that

This whole chapter feels like everyone hates Kim just putting up with her to social grace. If Kim went died in the street, Bonnie would probably throw a parade and everyone else probably help her

We also keep mentioning before Kim left. That she did some stuff they made everyone hated her
you not really telling us what it is. Also, given the people involved when they consider that. Kim might be going through some issues

Also feels like a typical Ron upgrade story. Which has Kim being a ultimate bitch over her mistake or, Kim falling apart until she has nothing. or is nothing. And right now is, it feels like Kim is nothing

So, where ghost in here is very interesting and ambitious as hell

We shall see
11/2/2014 c1 12Lhyaran
You definately have something to say, and it's quite interesting. But, it also needs a little formatting. If you're after some tips, send me a PM.
11/2/2014 c1 26Sentinel103
There are a few things, but first welcome to KP FF, CB was right you are trying to do too much in one chappie. Also 'u' should be 'you' and 'Slim' (s) name since it's a nickname I would advise being capitalized I figure we will see him again. So slow down and take your time.

I have a brother who drives cross country all the time so I know you have a lot of time to yourself a favor and keep a legal pad in the cab with a pencil to write down ideas when you get to a stop...oh and you're not the only one who comes from Missouri.

11/2/2014 c1 4CajunBear73
A very ambitious project you have on your hands...but think on this, after the buildup of how things got this far, what may happen next, and how the main players will react...that's where you go from here.

But there are many grammar/spelling/punctuation, and flow of thought issues throughout this chapter. Work out those as you can, join up with a Beta and between the two of you these issues, and writer's block may be overcome.

Now...back to the tale: Kim's Kimness, her inability to let others be in control of a 'sitch', her lack of patience and fear of his PTSD dropped Ron for Fool's Gold and seven years away, living a life that was anything but Golden.

In retrospect, what she ended up with is quite the opposite of what Joss ended up with. But some of the descriptions of Joss' fiance' are at odds with statements of how 'Ron knew him'. May want to check up on that.

Now to see if you continue, and how it continues.

'Cause I'd love to see what happens when Kim meets the man Slim has met, Ann learned of and James realized when he spied that familiar two-wheeler...

Welcome to KP
11/2/2014 c1 Clutch28
Spelling issues, punctuation issues. Trying to cram various threads into one chapter, confused and nearly indecipherable direction. I'd say slow down, take your time, get your spelling and punctuation right, the text speak makes the story look really bad. I think a re-write and a less confused way to build the plot would help.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service