11/5/2014 c1 30Happy Camper27
It's very good, and an interesting idea. I do have some constructive critism though. First,, make sure that everything isn't just in one paragraph; make it so that after a few sentences, you start another one. It's easier for the reader. Second (and this one is actually the last one and a touch nit-pick-y), make sure you do a quick once-through before you post so that you can catch some of your smaller mistakes. It's usually just little things like maybe forgetting a comma here, a capitalization there, but helps with the little polishing touches. In all honesty, don't worry /too/ terribly much about this one. You seem to have a very handle on it, and I only saw those tiny mistakes once or twice (and believe me, I make them all the time). A quick sweep-through before you post will help you catch those.
Either way though, I look forward to any possible next chapter or more stories!