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for Over the Garden Wall: A Fairy Adventure

6/13/2017 c1 Guest
Interesting story line
1/3/2016 c1 Jester the Fool
nice story it SLAYS!
10/10/2015 c1 SpiderAppleCider
No bad. Will be interesting to read more.
2/28/2015 c1 1cruelzy
Cool! Update! :-)
11/17/2014 c1 LampTroll
Cool!
11/17/2014 c1 8Kukapetal
Well, I agree with the previous reviewer that the writing needs a lot of polish, but the actual idea for the fic is interesting. The OC has an interesting enough backstory and I like how it ties with the villain of the series and explains how he was tied to the lantern. The OC comes across as quite Sue-ish, but that doesn't bother me so much because this series has fairy-tale elements and the OC is supposed to be a supernatural and benevolent fairy ruler, so it works in the context of the story. I am less sure about making such a character the protagonist of the story though. Protagonists should have flaws or else they come across as extremely boring because there is no internal conflict. I did think what Belle said when she cursed the Beast was a bit...dark...for a good guy. Not saying that the curse was undeserved or that she didn't have a right to be furious, but "your soul will be destroyed forever," is a pretty evil thing to do to anyone, even a villain, and seemed odd coming from a purity-Sue. Of course, her anger and need for revenge could be her character flaw which will end up poisoning her relationship with the other characters if she doesn't learn to keep it under control. I guess I'll just have to wait and see where you take things.

Anyway, interesting start and good luck with it!

Also, "Belle and the Beast?" Do I smell a ship-tease? He's not going to give her a library, is he? :P
11/17/2014 c1 6zebra-scarf
Just some friendly advise:

When setting up a story like this, try reading it out loud, you use a couple of words in the beginning twice in the same description and it kind of throws the reader out of the narrative.

And, when introducing a character never 'tell' them exactly what they look like, by listing off Belles appearance she is so one dimensional. It's better to learn about a character by another character. Or even better, if her exact physical appearance in no way moves the story forward, leave it out completely.

Same goes for her name, instead of 'telling' is she likes to goes by Belle for short introduce that part in conversation.

So yeah. Interesting concept. Kinda really wondering why a place like the unknown would need a ruler in terms of why any place has a ruler(to exploit people for profit, keeping themselves on top...)

In a parting note remember to show your reader things- images, important details, dialogue that informs/moves the story. Try not to 'tell' your reader everything

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