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3/16/2020 c18 alpha lesbian
thats ultra gay man
then again so am i
11/28/2014 c18 9Multikirby
Three words. And I thought the other chapters were short.

But I see why the chapters were so short. They were in contrast to this, I guess. Now, you know I'm #NotAShipper but as far as grading them goes...

The format was unique, and therefore made the story more engaging than it would've been if it were simply third person like ninety-five percent of the stories on this site. Honestly, I felt a little annoyed at Bidoof's little catchphrases, but that can't be helped. Almost makes me wish he was alive again.


As for the actual natural-ness of the relationship...(of course, I've never been in one)...it felt slow enough. Nothing really happened too quickly, which was good. But the roles that Loudred and Corphish filled didn't really seem that big. Smaller or bigger, either way was fine, but the denseness they filled up, I couldn't decide whether they were secondary characters or background characters.

It was interesting to see the lack of dialogue in a story like this, especially Croagunk. Seeing everything from only what Bidoof was telling us was definitely a nice idea. You also did a really good job of making the diary entries seem like diary entries. Except the last one. I understand why you did it, and I think it works; the lack of words accents the impact of what they mean. But if it were actually written by Bidoof, I'd feel like he'd have a lot more to say-

Oh Em Gee. Bidoof. BidOOF. OOF. WHAT.
11/28/2014 c17 Multikirby
Man, being in that guild makes it seem like it's impossible to even try to get into a relationship.
11/27/2014 c18 SenorPeppae

I like this cute romance/friendship thing happening.
11/27/2014 c13 Multikirby
What your feeling right now, Bidoof, is denial. There's this celestial being that is in charge of your fate, and she isn't going to rest until the two of you are sucking face.

What you're feeling now, Dark, is slight annoyance at the wrong use of the your/you're conundrum.
11/27/2014 c11 Multikirby
...His diary talks back to him? Who is he, Cece?
11/27/2014 c10 Multikirby
Aww...but still an ANGRY FACE from me.

Even though I'm #NotAShipper, this is a ship I've never really considered EVEN THOUGH I'VE CONSIDERED NONE. BidoofXCroagunk? Is that what this story is?
11/27/2014 c6 Multikirby
Just a bit of feedback...ANGRY FAIC.

Maybe the chapters would be better if there was more than one day in one chapter. They seem...a little bit short.
11/27/2014 c5 Multikirby
Hey, is this story in collaboration in canon with your story because of reasons?
11/27/2014 c3 Multikirby

So is this a halloween story? If so, it doesn't seem sufficiently creepy. If it's a Christmas story, it isn't sufficiently 'ho-ho-ho'y. If it's just a story? GUD JAB.
11/27/2014 c2 Multikirby

I'm not really sure where this is going. How can you make a story out of going to sleep, right? But you're trying. So kudos, and all that.
11/27/2014 c1 Multikirby

These are kind of short, huh? I guess that's how you can churn them out so fast. It's a nice premise, something I haven't seen explored before.

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