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for Wind and Rain

2/5/2017 c9 Sp00kyT00ns
i just binged your story and even though you probably won't, I really wish you would write a sequel or at least another story with Vaati in it. There just isn't enough Vaati stories around (or at least any good ones) so I hope that maybe you'll think about writing more Vaati stories in the future even though it's been so long.
12/12/2015 c1 1The Black Mage of the Void
That thing with the teleportation of the rude fat guy was... Very strange and unexplained. Did Miley Cyrus meet the 4th wall or something? Or can I not pick up on clues to details?
12/1/2014 c1 6ornamental-reciprocity
Okay, so I got most of the way through this chapter, but I kept getting derailed by one question: Is Danielle supposed to be evil?

Because, unless I'm reading this totally wrong, thus far, there are two ways I can see this story going. First: Danielle is evil and manipulating situations to her favor, a fact which will become apparent and be dealt with as the story goes on, or second: you're dealing a Mary Sue.

Personally, I kind of hate the term Mary Sue, because it gets tossed around so much as to be meaningless and has become essentially a synonym for "female character a reviewer doesn't happen to like", but I hesitantly think the term might apply here.

In just the first 8,000 words Danielle does some terrible, terrible things. For all intents and purposes, she murdered a guy. There are little reactions, particularly from Link that don't seem like playful banter. They seem like genuine fear. She is, without a doubt, awful. Genuinely detestable, which is great in a way. A villain who can mix pure evil into daily life without blinking could be interesting. The problem is, I'm not sure you intended her to be evil, which means that the narrative is massively skewed in her favor.

The problem isn't that you have a character doing bad things. The problem isn't even that she hasn't suffered consequences for them (bad guys don't always get their comeuppance immediately, or else every movie would be over in 20 seconds). The problem is that the narration itself seems to be on board with her actions. As a result, she can do no wrong in the eyes of the story (even when in the eyes of the audience, she's doing so much wrong), and so her worst actions carry no weight. She can have no negative impact, which takes away the stakes surrounding her presence in the story.

That, to me, is the hallmark of a Mary Sue, a character who warps the world around her, but isn't permitted to have any real or complex impact.

This review is getting awfully long, so I'll cut it short here, but if you would like more specifics let me know.

Thanks, and good luck on the rest of your piece.

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