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12/2/2014 c1 Guest
This is littered with many typos, missing words, missing and/or improperly placed punctuation and dialogue that runs together. You want to double space between each person's dialogue so that every person is not speaking on the same line. It makes it easier to read. I would encourage you to get a beta-reader to catch your mistakes for you.
12/2/2014 c1 Guest
Ah, Rochele! Thy real name is Mary-Sue.

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