for Seven Queens in Darkness12/4/2014 c1 heartblackened
I clicked on this story because the name sounded familiar to a story I read years ago and I cant say im disappointed for a first chapter please do keep it up.
I clicked on this story because the name sounded familiar to a story I read years ago and I cant say im disappointed for a first chapter please do keep it up.
12/3/2014 c1 Perpetual Dreaming
You've pretty much chosen the worst challenge to do. Thalarian already did a fantastic beginning to this challenge in Queens of Darkness, Ladies of Light. How he went about it shows the vast difference in quality between the two stories. Though his story was abandoned after only two chapters it is still a 60k word story so I recommend reading it if you haven't yet.
I glad that others are taking up this challenge but those that do have to realize that they'll be in Thalarian's shadow. Not to say that no one can write a better story but it won't be easy. Already we can see the difference between how you've gone about reviving the Queens and how Thalarian did...and you are found lacking. You revived all the Queens within a few thousand words. Thalarian spent the better part of a 30k word chapter on the revival of Lilith from him journeying to the Garden of Eden, to finding the place he needed to go in it and the challenges in it, to reviving Lilith and then binding her to his will. His method was by far a superior way.
I'll keep an eye on this story for now but know that it's going to be impossible to get out from under Thalarian's shadow if this chapter is indicative of the rest of the story.
You've pretty much chosen the worst challenge to do. Thalarian already did a fantastic beginning to this challenge in Queens of Darkness, Ladies of Light. How he went about it shows the vast difference in quality between the two stories. Though his story was abandoned after only two chapters it is still a 60k word story so I recommend reading it if you haven't yet.
I glad that others are taking up this challenge but those that do have to realize that they'll be in Thalarian's shadow. Not to say that no one can write a better story but it won't be easy. Already we can see the difference between how you've gone about reviving the Queens and how Thalarian did...and you are found lacking. You revived all the Queens within a few thousand words. Thalarian spent the better part of a 30k word chapter on the revival of Lilith from him journeying to the Garden of Eden, to finding the place he needed to go in it and the challenges in it, to reviving Lilith and then binding her to his will. His method was by far a superior way.
I'll keep an eye on this story for now but know that it's going to be impossible to get out from under Thalarian's shadow if this chapter is indicative of the rest of the story.
12/2/2014 c1 He-With-Many-Hyphens
Very nice. I think there was a story on ficwad called the seven queens of darkness, only like 5 chapters though :( good start. The format of the dialouge was a wee bit confusing but could be deciphered after reading it a few times. Looking forward to next chapter
Very nice. I think there was a story on ficwad called the seven queens of darkness, only like 5 chapters though :( good start. The format of the dialouge was a wee bit confusing but could be deciphered after reading it a few times. Looking forward to next chapter
12/2/2014 c1 Don.I am the King
Good good...just hope you do continue this and dont disappear like thalarian did... nice to see that people are still taking on jons challenges
Good good...just hope you do continue this and dont disappear like thalarian did... nice to see that people are still taking on jons challenges