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for Shinjitaku

10/5/2020 c3 October Autumn
You know what? I'm mad at you. Not for the story,the story is wonderful. I'm mad because this story seems to be dead and it doesn't look like there's any chance of it returning either.
It has an interesting premise,is decently written(even if I've seen better),and the two protagonists are written fairly well for their age group. They feel believable as very young children. Despite that,both of them have disctinct personalities.

You can tell Hikaru is the more reckless and brave of the pair,considering he was the one who was standing up to bullies(including Umi's.) and Umi is the more reserved and quieter of the pair. I can only imagine how this story would've improved over time had it not been cut short like this. I doubt you're active on this account anymore,but if you ever return, it'd be nice if you could reboot this story on another site. Maybe AO3,since a large chunk of the fanfiction reader base has moved there in recent years.
4/8/2015 c3 19JackFrost14
Interesting. Keep it up! :)
2/25/2015 c1 Alexis
This story is so cute and cool, I love it! Please update soon. : )
12/7/2014 c2 Raiooku
Nice, I love the concept :)
12/6/2014 c2 4Forkive
In summary, I like it! The notion of a child interacting with the monsters like this is interesting, and I can't wait to see where it goes! Plus, the protagonist is rather likeable so far, and you've captured some of the quirks of his particular age group well.

If anything, you might want to keep an eye on the density of your conversations. A lot of dialogue like this can be a bit draining-stretches of action and thought in between key points in the dialogue will really keep the interest going, and make moments of activity feel much more natural.

Keep it up!

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