for Behind The Scenes11/6/2016 c9 Guest
Brilliant. I love this story. I knew it. You're a great long-story writer! :) Your oneshots were nice but this was your best work yet.
I usually don't like non-traditional settings and prefer the standard novel-like story telling in 3rd person POV but I actually loved the fanpage you put up. The photos while a bit difficult to “read”, were good too, as were all the articles. I seriously felt like a fangirl looking at the site and got hyped for Ren and Kyoko’s drama. Though I admit I was a bit relieved when we finally got to the promotion interview vid when Ren and Kyoko talk and it's more like a normal story telling (which is where I’m hoping the story is moving towards).
You summarized Secret Garden ep1 very well. You also captured a lot of the humour - well done! - but I don't think you should write out the whole drama. As much as I love Secret Garden (and I love that you put Ren/Kyoko in this drama BTW), we want to read YOUR story not detailed summaries of Secret Garden. Some of my favourite very long chaptered SB FFs have some fantastic movies/dramas/CMs within the SB FF - they're pretty detailed and awesome - but the focus remains on Ren/Kyoko acting out the movie/drama/CMs. I think the beauty of SB FFs are that you can have great movie/drama subplots within your SB story, but the focus should be on Ren/Kyoko, with only the necessary background and if you wish, scenes of when they're acting out some key parts. Honestly, I skimmed over a lot of the last chapter cuz while that was a great recap of the Secret Garden’s episode, it was long and really had nothing to do with Kyoko/Ren until we got to the review at the end. You don't need to write out the drama/movie in too much detail because after reading some interesting movie/drama/manga plots within SB, if readers want more, they'll probably go check them out for themselves afterwards like I did. After reading this, I'm tempted to go rewatch it! Besides, I can't imagine it's fun for you just recapping episodes of Secret Garden. ;)
There are so many things I really like about your story. I love the dramas/movies/manga adaptations that Kyoko/Ren have been in the past. I love that fans are liking the idea of Ren/Kyoko dating...and the website is brilliant. The user names and comments on the website is funny and well done. It was great the way you started the story with Yashiro's POV, his initial euphoria and fangirling when finding the website, and eventual concern.
Just one thing I didn't like and a couple of suggestions.
Sorry but I hated c1 - it was the worst I've seen as it wasn't a chapter at all. Essentially c1 was just a disclaimer. You included a summary (exact repeat of the summary at the top of the page BTW so waste of time and space) which you didn't need to do. I know some ppl do that and that's fine when we can skip that and jump right into the chapter but this was horrid because there was no chapter to read...just a disclaimer... I almost didn't go on to c2. Even if it's just a pg or so, a chapter should be for the story (unless you're in the middle of the story and you wish to get an important note out to your followers or something). Sorry, I’ve just never seen anyone put a disclaimer as their first chapter.
In your "Prologue" in c2, "after all what endeared him (Yashiro) most to the fans" - whose fans? Not Ren's fans I presume as it doesn't make sense. Yashiro doesn't have fans of his own as he's only a manager. Only fans that make sense is SB's fans of Yashiro but then what POV are you writing this in? It's weird.
Your writing’s fine but sentences keep getting cut off mid-sentence which is distracting. If this is part of the FFnet formatting trouble you mentioned - my condolences :) - but if not, it would be great if you could keep the sentences together.
This is a great story with some wonderful novel ideas and I hope you’ll finish it someday. Congrats on your first long-chaptered story and thanks for sharing it with us :)
Brilliant. I love this story. I knew it. You're a great long-story writer! :) Your oneshots were nice but this was your best work yet.
I usually don't like non-traditional settings and prefer the standard novel-like story telling in 3rd person POV but I actually loved the fanpage you put up. The photos while a bit difficult to “read”, were good too, as were all the articles. I seriously felt like a fangirl looking at the site and got hyped for Ren and Kyoko’s drama. Though I admit I was a bit relieved when we finally got to the promotion interview vid when Ren and Kyoko talk and it's more like a normal story telling (which is where I’m hoping the story is moving towards).
You summarized Secret Garden ep1 very well. You also captured a lot of the humour - well done! - but I don't think you should write out the whole drama. As much as I love Secret Garden (and I love that you put Ren/Kyoko in this drama BTW), we want to read YOUR story not detailed summaries of Secret Garden. Some of my favourite very long chaptered SB FFs have some fantastic movies/dramas/CMs within the SB FF - they're pretty detailed and awesome - but the focus remains on Ren/Kyoko acting out the movie/drama/CMs. I think the beauty of SB FFs are that you can have great movie/drama subplots within your SB story, but the focus should be on Ren/Kyoko, with only the necessary background and if you wish, scenes of when they're acting out some key parts. Honestly, I skimmed over a lot of the last chapter cuz while that was a great recap of the Secret Garden’s episode, it was long and really had nothing to do with Kyoko/Ren until we got to the review at the end. You don't need to write out the drama/movie in too much detail because after reading some interesting movie/drama/manga plots within SB, if readers want more, they'll probably go check them out for themselves afterwards like I did. After reading this, I'm tempted to go rewatch it! Besides, I can't imagine it's fun for you just recapping episodes of Secret Garden. ;)
There are so many things I really like about your story. I love the dramas/movies/manga adaptations that Kyoko/Ren have been in the past. I love that fans are liking the idea of Ren/Kyoko dating...and the website is brilliant. The user names and comments on the website is funny and well done. It was great the way you started the story with Yashiro's POV, his initial euphoria and fangirling when finding the website, and eventual concern.
Just one thing I didn't like and a couple of suggestions.
Sorry but I hated c1 - it was the worst I've seen as it wasn't a chapter at all. Essentially c1 was just a disclaimer. You included a summary (exact repeat of the summary at the top of the page BTW so waste of time and space) which you didn't need to do. I know some ppl do that and that's fine when we can skip that and jump right into the chapter but this was horrid because there was no chapter to read...just a disclaimer... I almost didn't go on to c2. Even if it's just a pg or so, a chapter should be for the story (unless you're in the middle of the story and you wish to get an important note out to your followers or something). Sorry, I’ve just never seen anyone put a disclaimer as their first chapter.
In your "Prologue" in c2, "after all what endeared him (Yashiro) most to the fans" - whose fans? Not Ren's fans I presume as it doesn't make sense. Yashiro doesn't have fans of his own as he's only a manager. Only fans that make sense is SB's fans of Yashiro but then what POV are you writing this in? It's weird.
Your writing’s fine but sentences keep getting cut off mid-sentence which is distracting. If this is part of the FFnet formatting trouble you mentioned - my condolences :) - but if not, it would be great if you could keep the sentences together.
This is a great story with some wonderful novel ideas and I hope you’ll finish it someday. Congrats on your first long-chaptered story and thanks for sharing it with us :)
8/24/2015 c5 
3spoilerlover
Cute! It really feels like I'm reading on a fan page... There is actually a horror film called "The Echo". It is a Hollywood film based on a Filipino movie called "Sigaw".
3spoilerloverCute! It really feels like I'm reading on a fan page... There is actually a horror film called "The Echo". It is a Hollywood film based on a Filipino movie called "Sigaw".
4/22/2015 c4 3DizziZilla
Hahaha- "Why am i making this so hard?" i feel ya. my complication of my fanfic is killing me, too. but this is looking fun!
3DizziZillaHahaha- "Why am i making this so hard?" i feel ya. my complication of my fanfic is killing me, too. but this is looking fun!
4/22/2015 c8 1The Butterfly Dreamer
I don't think you should write the actual episodes. After all, this is fanfic about a fan site and its contents so I don't see how it would be possible for the whole actual episodes to exist on the site. If you want to write about the episodes you could write their resumes and maybe you could include stills and clips from the episodes if you want to add visual material.
1The Butterfly DreamerI don't think you should write the actual episodes. After all, this is fanfic about a fan site and its contents so I don't see how it would be possible for the whole actual episodes to exist on the site. If you want to write about the episodes you could write their resumes and maybe you could include stills and clips from the episodes if you want to add visual material.
4/21/2015 c8 118claraowl
Hm... I feel like it might be necessary to add a few scenes from an episode in order to better explain what's going on when and why in the story.
118claraowlHm... I feel like it might be necessary to add a few scenes from an episode in order to better explain what's going on when and why in the story.
2/22/2015 c7 claraowl
Omygawd. XD I really loved reading their reactions and interactions. XD
Fabulous job, dahling!
Omygawd. XD I really loved reading their reactions and interactions. XD
Fabulous job, dahling!