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7/15/2018 c1 73One Winged A2
Hello! Just here to do my part reviewing in one of my favorite fandoms and offer constructive criticism instead of flames or vague praise. If anything I say seems harsh, please understand I'm not trying to attack you or your work.

I'd recommend fully capitalizing your title.

This is a little bit on the shorter side when it comes to chapter length, particularly in the Fable archive. Personally, I'd add the thoughts of the father in this brief scene to add more depth to it. Like when he's asked by Violet if Mother is with the funny man again, maybe show his face slightly paling and a thought of 'Oh no, is my wife cheating on me? And Violet knows?'

Hope this helps! I'll be sticking around for this story!


6/24/2018 c1 Pg
I read to about chapter five before I decided to stop. I think you're harder on yourself than you should be, especially for your first story. I like that you keep going back and improving on old content. Your desire for genuine feedback and not just simple praise speaks volumes about your passion for storytelling. Get a beta whenever possible and keep loving your material so you can keep re-reading it and improving on it. The story was a little too common/typical for me (not the looking for her dad bit, that was a little different) but the characterization of your main OC and her abilities, uniqueness, attractiveness, etc. Just because I wasn't interested though doesn't mean others won't! So keep writing the best story you can, grow and write your next and one and then next one after that! I'm rooting for you )
6/17/2018 c20 8Light Hero Kaiser
Great chapter m8
6/1/2018 c19 Light Hero Kaiser
Great chapter m8
5/21/2018 c18 Light Hero Kaiser
Great chapter m8
4/19/2018 c17 Light Hero Kaiser
Great chapter m8 can't wait for more
4/5/2018 c16 Light Hero Kaiser
Something isn't right about this.
Great chapter m8
4/4/2018 c15 Light Hero Kaiser
Great chapter m8 can't wait for more
1/22/2016 c12 Light Hero Kaiser
Great chapter m8
5/9/2015 c5 The Great Morrigan
Alright, I'll lay down the skinny before going any further.
I really liked your story the further I got into it. It's moving pretty fast but I like the idea behind it. I hope we get more information on Violet's family since she is a hero. (Personally, I think Sparrow is her dad but I haven't gotten that far yet...) I also like the fact that her mother is more into Reaver than she is. I've never seen that before but I like it!
However, the first three chapters were atrociously bad. The sentences were fragmented and your OC started off being a Mary Sue. However, I hope with the more I read, the more I start to like your character because she seems like every other OC in the Fable genre that falls for Reaver. Just my two cents, it is your story so you can do with it what you like.
However, I really hope you will redo the first few chapters and make them a little longer. If need be, I'd be more than happy to help you beta any chapters you may have in the future. I love working with fellow Fable writers!
If you have any questions, comments or concerns, please let me know!
5/9/2015 c10 secret
I really loved the action in this chapter plz type up more chapters bye
5/8/2015 c10 6Belco
Wow! Excellent chapter. Loved the battle scene with the Commandant. Can't wait to read the next chapter.
5/1/2015 c9 Krazykat
Continue the story
3/25/2015 c9 Belco
Excellent chapter, so glad you posted it up as this story is amazing. No to answer your question about who the mysterious intruder is, I'm guessing it's the King/Queen of Albion.
3/22/2015 c8 Guest
Ok it is march 22, 2015 and you still haven't updated the story I mean come on it does not have to be long just something that tells people your alive
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