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for Properties of the Force

12/24/2015 c1 TaitanoRules555
Good start.
12/24/2015 c6 scottusa1
Good chapter.
Keep it up. Laters.
12/13/2015 c5 scottusa1
Good chapter.
Keep it up. Laters.
9/27/2015 c4 14Okkkay
Nice. Now continue please! :)
9/27/2015 c3 Okkkay
I love the contrast of cold and scary vs tiny shiny shards of sarcasm. Incinerators on a belt! I laughed sooo hard.
9/27/2015 c2 Okkkay
I loved all the references and laughed at the crow of the unknown rim-world :) One small note, the Mando with the six-legged teeth showcase is supposed to wear black armor not golden.
9/27/2015 c1 Okkkay
Cute, so far!
9/19/2015 c4 scottusa1
Wow, that was kinda sad.
Keep it up. Laters.
2/3/2015 c3 scottusa1
Interesting story so far.

Keep it up. Laters.
12/29/2014 c2 8Osetto
I thought this a rather well-executed action scene and follow-up. All the motions and descriptions were easy to follow, and were kept basic while remaining interesting. You didn’t try and dress up any of the descriptions, allowing the actions to speak for themselves, and let the ‘feeling’ of the narration carry the burden of the chapter’s weight. There were a lot of 'canon' terms (especially Mando ones) in the prose, but I never felt like they became a distraction, as each was adequately explained and repetition was kept to a digestible amount.

Like the previous chapter, you managed to capture the subjective third-person POV well. I often feel like some writers try to get too deep into the protagonist’s head and start telling the reader details rather than showing them. One of the areas I think you managed to avoid this pitfall was with Trey’s unique abilities in the heat of battle. There’s enough there for the reader to reasonably pick up on what’s going on, but in the narration, it’s just presented as a peculiar feeling that gives Trey a heads-up on what’s to come. There's a good balance between keeping things explained, and keeping the story moving.

And seeing how this ability develops further will certainly be interesting. Trey and his brothers aren’t presented as the best of the best when it comes to the clone army. They’ve eagerness, determination, as is expected, but they also don’t simply walk over the challenge presented to them, which I always find important in a soldier/military based story.

The chapter did a fine job of presenting a nicely packaged scene in which there’s some development with the characters and the plot. Things are moving forward, which is something that doesn’t always come naturally. And I didn’t want more out of this chapter, only what follows, so that means I can’t think of anything that needs adding. Or removing for that matter.

Keep up the good work.
12/24/2014 c2 9Caleb's Fanfiction Creations
Fairly good chapter. The action scene was perhaps a little long, but it was well executed as far as description used. Once again you do a good job through your writing of making it look like you really know what you're talking about, which is a great way to boost how the writing in general is perceived (at least to me).

A stand-out moment for me in all of this was the bit focusing on the term 'sent-back'. At first I had thought it was to be recalled to Kamino for additional training or something (while I was reading at the time I hadn't quite known for sure that this battle was indeed a training exercise), but no, it is far worse. You did a really good job of portraying Trey's reaction to the word and what it mean to him and, likely, to all clones.

I'm also beginning to think Trey may be Force sensitive or something...his premonition points to that, and it seems likely given the Jedi we saw in the prologue and his desire not to take on another apprentice. Not sure how I feel about a Force sensitive clone, but, if that is the case, I'll wait and see how you pull it off before deciding what I think about it.

All in all, this chapter did a good job of showcasing Trey's character under the sort of pressure induced by battle, as well as a bit of how the clones interact with each other in this situation.
Including scenes of characters in such day-to-day situations (as this would be for the clones), in my experience, is a great opportunity for character development. An opportunity I think you used fairly well.

With the strange instructions Trye and his comrades have just received, I'm interested to see what Chapter 3 will bring.

-Caleb.
12/24/2014 c1 Caleb's Fanfiction Creations
A little late to the party with this, but better late than never.

The prologue works well to reel readers in. Geonosis is a favorite scene of mine in the series so it was cool to see it used here.

'The words of ancient wisdom now sounded hollow and trite to his ears'
Was a line that stood out to me. Great word choice and it's an interesting insight into the character. I like how his reaction is depicted; not criticizing the Jedi Code yet revealing that its words seemed to empty to him.

'"I will never train another'"
Wonderful hook to end the prologue with. I have a feeling this Jedi may not be sticking to the vow he just made.

Onto the chapter itself, it starts out strong, with the first sentences setting the tone for the rest of the passage. The hints that are dropped about CT-3033 being different are easy to see, yet not specific, so as to cause the greatest amount of curiosity as to why he 'better' than all the other clones. Both in what ways he is superior, and how this phenomenon came to be. Clones don't normally interest me, but this guy has me intrigued, and the insights into the daily lives and struggles of clones on Kamino were cool as well.

In general, your prose, while not entirely captivating, is well laid out and effective in setting the tone and providing just the right amount of description. The fandom knowledge expressed in the writing is also a nice thing to see.

(Heh, and here I was intending on reviewing Chapters 2 and 3 since you've gotten less feedback on them...but there were so many things to say about this one)

Anywho, great job so far and I look forward to reading more (which I am about to do ;))
12/22/2014 c2 1Kam I Am
Another superbly written chapter right here! I'm a sucker for a well-written action scene, and this one did not disappoint! Very quickly you set up a neat dynamic with Qua,y and in doing so also show off just how important certain Mandalorian traditions and phrases are to the Clones. I also especially liked the mention of Kal Skirata you gave, interested to see if he plays a bigger role at all in the story.

The attention to detail is also impressive, something like noting the number of rounds a weapon carries is exactly the thing one would expect a Clone to know, but never would such a thing have occured to me. The same is shown in the dialouge, with mentions of attack patterns and things of that nature. The small nods to things like that gives an extra bit of realism and brings a story from "good" to "great" in my opinion.

Things end on an uncertain note, and I'm excited to see where it takes us.
12/18/2014 c1 17T. Alana M
Hey there! Alana here, I don't think we've talked in the Forum, soo - hi, and it's nice to meet you. :D

Okay, first I'd like to say that for a newbie, you are *good*. No SPAG errors, moving scenes, and good characterization.
The prologue was strong and intriguing, although it strikes me as a post-war scene rather than one that happens in the heat of battle.

I really liked Trey's opening line. It's robotic and analytical, but also uncertain. The 'knew he was different' line could be elaborated somehow, or changed with 'defective' to prevent a Sue-ish first impression, but other than that it was great. Trey's character is one of the most intriguing ones I've read - he thinks in simple, robotic terms (different is bad) which enhances the image that he's a manufactured, programmed clone. His doubts and fears later on humanize him, which endears us readers to his character - however, I'd suggest elaborating on how he's 'better' than his fellow clones and portraying that elaboration in a strictly *bad* light (emphasize on how unnatural it is, maybe), so it doesn't seem like he's arrogant.

All in all, it was a great chapter! Keep writing!

Merry Christmas!
Cheers.
-Alana.
12/16/2014 c1 8Osetto
An excellent beginning for your story. The prologue and first chapter manage to establish much in a way that is informative and enjoyable to read. The word choice throughout is superb. You manage to inject a great degree of feeling into the third-person narrative, developing a style that manages to be personal yet objective.

The prologue was quick, and with it you managed to introduce a character and establish their place in the world. The section ends in a way that is simultaneously definitive and open-ended, and it makes the reader wonder what else is to come.

The following chapter 1 did a great job of presenting the exposition and descriptions in a way that was fluid and easy to digest. No sentence seemed too short or too long, and it never felt as if there was an excess or lack of details. Everything presented came back to Trey and his character, giving the reader insight into not only the overall clone structure, but what separates Trey from his brothers.

Already, you establish an internal and external conflict, and it’ll be interesting to see how it all plays out in the portions to come.
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