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9/4 c89 38CalvinHobbesGatsby
I feel so bad for Mary and Francis
4/27 c88 Guest
Well.

I’m not sure about some of these, but if they hit their mark, they’re a gd bullseye. Some sort of feel like a list of words to make an aesthetic, but the ones that really dive deep into the feelings of the characters really hit.

The non-linear timeline and the combination of screenplay and poem format are confusing at first, as is the alternate reality scenes, but not incredibly so.

I gotta say, some of these poems aren’t for me, but others are absolutely incredible.

Good job.
1/28/2019 c12 Why
Might I suggest that when you write, especially for period pieces, you utilize the words appropriate for their station, their time, and their characters.
1/28/2019 c3 Why
A poem should speak for itself. A poem is a way for an author to create a persona and let the words speak for the persona.

You do not need the blatant words ouright saying what she is thinking. Let the words speak and feel for her. This is a poem. It should sound like one.
1/28/2019 c2 Why
This is not a poem.

You have merely structured it as a poem but it a prose. No poem is as undefined as this.

I suggest rhat you list it all out and point out what you want done. Create a line by line analysis and create lines with proper emotion to dictate it further.
1/28/2019 c1 Why
Now, as a writer, I’ve never braved the world of poetry as it’s quite fickle. Poems are difficult to create properly. In every sense, a poem should be magical (Jose Garcia Villa) and that makes a poem so unique and special. Poems are supposed to tell a story without giving it all out, it should be dynamic.

It should have a story within that captivates the very soul and I, even as a writer for a smalltime newspaper for a college print, can’t even create a decent poem. What I can do, however, is criticize a poem and know a good one from a terribly bad one. This piece is just incredibly horrible.

First things first, right? I am not attacking you. Do not take this personally. This review was made so that it could help you develop as a writer. This is constructive criticism and I hope you make the most of it.

Right, for the first point of flaw that I’ve seen is your use of words. Remember that a poem is this short and powerful piece of literature, that every word you use counts and should have an underlying and deeper meaning. What you’ve done is carelessly string together words and called it a day! It’s lazy writing and I believe that no writer is lazy—rather, in need of multiple revisions.

Since I’ve commented on the very first chapter, let’s use this as our example, shall we?

“Violated stolen innocence”

The line above is taken directly from your poem, yes? Now, what is missing that would drastically make this poem better is the use of proper punctuation.

The second issue you need to improve here is context. Remember that context is important to any literary piece and that even if it’s a short and brief poem, it must hold impact and context. The next question would be along the lines of, “How does one achieve proper context?”, well that’s particularly simple once you flesh out the characters.

As we all know from Reign, Mary was raped during a Season 2 episode. One must always take into consideration what she felt, who she was, what was happening, the aftermath of it all, and who she was before everything. The first chapter seems to entail the emotions she felt during the rape. Let’s establish first the facts:

1. Mary has a stoic and noble character. She tends to believe in the good that is innate within everyone.
2. Mary is a queen of her own country and a Catholic monarch.
3. (And yet) Mary is a humble leader who refuses to take her powers for granted and does not allow it to get to her head (although in real life, she does let it rule her decisions and she ended up losing her head for reaching for England).
4. Mary is having problems with Francis and their marriage despite loving him truly, completely, and very much (though they were fond of each other, they weren’t that sexually intimate in real life).
5. Mary is sexually assaulted by men, by Protestants, and by the people she swore to protect (her French subjects).

Now that you have all the facts, you may start building the points you would like to establish with your poem. Similar to listing down the facts, you may also create a brief rundown of what should be the points explored in the poem. In your case, you showcases these:

1. Mary’s fear as she was raped.
2. The feeling of being utterly helpless.
3. The feeling of hoping for the one person [she] wanted but he never came.
4. The feeling of void, like the world will never be the same again.

Those points are sufficient and now, we must create a poem. For an effective poem to happen, the emotion should be somewhat raw but calculated and even. To first begin, identify where you want to start. After establishing your beginning, slowly begin the flow of the poem.

“Nothing but crippled, empty cries,”
From calloused hands of rough deceit,”

Now, what do we get from this? What is a crippled cry, whose are the calloused hands who brought rough deceit?

The crippled and empty cries refer to Mary begging the men to stop, which was fruitless and to no avail. The calloused hands, as we recall, are from the commen yet angered Protestants who raided the castle and raped her. What is rough deceit? Well, this could be anything you put it through—how the rebels got inside the castle (deceiving looks using stolen uniforms), or how Mary loved her subjects and considere the rape this big and powerful betrayal of the French people.

Let’s review the following lines, shall we?

“Injustice
Rape”

Those are just words! What emotion do you expect your readers to have?! How would these words stir emotions?!

“For theirs are the blades of the skin,
The darkness that lingered inside,”

Put those four lines together and you have a proper beginning of a poem. The darkness could be interpreted in numerous ways. Once could be

Imagine the emotional hold of these lines. For theirs are the blades of the skin. It should assault with something more than just physical. It’s more than a physcial wound. It’s a deeper, emotional, much more personal wound.

I hope that you’ve learned something from this lesson and use it to be more productive pertaining to the quality of poems you create.

Good day.
5/22/2018 c18 Guest
How does Francis know about greys anatomy?
2/20/2017 c1 Krissy415
This is so amazing. Sad but touching

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