Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Neptune's girl

4/30/2017 c14 1Nagaichi
Another great story! I hope you write more whiterose stuff. Fav ship and all.
3/1/2017 c14 20Masane
I just finished this story and what I can said about it is : I really like it ... or rather I love it.

The only minus was the story seem rushed, and not just a little, I'm not against some jump time but when you use them ... it's just make me wonder why you have to do it; you write that Weiss and Ruby are became good friend, but it's exactly some moment like that we want to see because at the end of the story all I can recall about them alone is just coffee ( twice ), and Weiss be a little " aggressive " in the chapter 6 and after that the main issue ... it's clearly a little empty.

Another point, about Weiss ... well I still don't know how she really fall in love with Ruby or if you said it, I would have forget about it ? And in this case it's even worse ...
But there are some really good point, the comic moment as the " bones crusher hug " by Yang or the very bad sense direction of Winter and Weiss were really some masterpiece of the story

The story had clearly a good material, and it's because of that that I was expected much with this story but it still good enough for me to put it in my favorite list.
Good work !
12/24/2016 c14 22Haley Earthstone
Fifth time I've read this, and I enjoyed it just as much as the first time!
11/1/2016 c14 4TheFlashPoint23
Hello. I've read this in Wattpad and I've enjoyed your story and the most of how you wrote it to life. I noticed this has been completed a long time ago and I cannot judge if you have takwn a learning curve since then, but nevertheles, I'd like to give in my two cents to a story that could have been more awe-stricken if given time to actually give it a third round of proofreading. Or, that the advice that will be given can be applied to the future. This has a lot of potential, and so does you.

Now to the part of my concerns. While I love what you did, the plot sometimes got a little jumpy and messy, parts were often rushed and things happened too fast. There were parts that looked liked it wasn't researched on before writing and used information at will without the complete knowledge of it. I implore that you research about when a person is knocked out properly and not hands strangling a neck for a mere few seconds to send her knocked out the entire trip.

The feud between Weiss and Ruby is a moment we all like other than the sweet fluff going around because that's when we know these characters are strongly connecting, and that pain in time can eventually thaw with warm forgiveness. Nothing is as rewarding as to hurt and experience their journey to see them face their fears and make up in the end.

Then there's this time I'm guessing was thrown out. Blake knew Weiss for 6 years, Weiss says they were stupid 20 year olds, and stating recently that she's 26 (Which you meant 25 because you 'are' going with the same age as Yang, unless told otherwise). All these time tables were explained in a messy way and you can get readers extremely confused. I just put them aside while reading because I was after the story.

Going in depth with personal things was suddenly gone outright without proper building, although it was mentioned that weeks passed by we have never seen that kind of interaction. Again with the rushing.

Then you have characters that are off. AUs can effect the way the character normally act and here doesn't seem to change from the show itself. Penny could have been the Penny she is in the show, nothing will mess up your plot, in fact, I think you would have enjoyed it more. Weiss is less cold and very open for a girl who experienced crap in her life. Can't judge for Winter seeing that this was released 2014. I could go on about characters, but then again I could just say more about reaserching on it.

Lastly, your grammar, sometimes your spelling, and many messed up sentence that I had to skip because it was awkward to read. When giving sentences like ex, She and her not-so-cool boyfriend. Note the dash.

These were all my concerns that I took my time to write out because really, I love this story, and this could be very much improved if you wish to write something similar in the future. Thank you for writing this, I never expected to find a story with Neptune the outrageously gay boyfriend and Ruby the giliant hero to be written, but I did and I'm glad to have read yours.
Keep up the good work!

P.S- I agree, I do think It would have been nice if Ruby wore a tux.
P.P.S- Manny Pacquiao hm? That's so Filipino. He's a good champ.
9/15/2016 c14 Guest
Sequel please?
5/22/2016 c13 Guest
Well that was easy. ;-)
1/24/2016 c14 6Archer1eye
That was a beautiful story, with a spectacular ending. Thank you for having it exist out there that Ruby wins Weiss off of Neptune.
9/20/2015 c14 36SeerKing
Overall, the story is good. The only downside is the lack of consistently good punctuation, spelling and grammar. It is distracting and breaks the flow of the story.
9/18/2015 c10 4ODST110
nah. nah brah, that happened *way* to quickly
9/18/2015 c8 ODST110
uhhh, that happened a little quick. too quick i think, but thats just me
9/18/2015 c5 ODST110
oh dang. like, daaaaang
9/18/2015 c4 ODST110
towards the beginning it kinda went into third person instead of third, not really sure why. But dang, neptune you sly minx, like, daaaang
9/18/2015 c3 ODST110
eh, dialogue was a little weak on this one i thought. only the part where Weiss and Ruby were talking about the other movies.

the blue haired demon strikes again
9/18/2015 c2 ODST110
i still don't know quite how i missed this story. very interesting, but when someone else starts talking, it is generally best to start a new paragraph to prevent confusion on who is speaking
9/18/2015 c1 ODST110
oh Ruby you hopeless romantic
50 Page 1 2 3 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service