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1/17/2016 c1 Hobbsey256
Reading that twist was like a gunshot to the heart. Bravo...
6/10/2015 c1 Tenshoru
My heart was just broken. :'( poor Fluttershy!

Great writing :)
3/1/2015 c1 Guest
Omg nooooooo
2/16/2015 c1 1RosaSilvermist
Uh oh, poor fluttershy
1/21/2015 c1 Sir Name V
I feel so blue-balled right now.
1/6/2015 c1 gamestlink
Ouch! Poor Fluttershy. :'(
12/23/2014 c1 117bluecatcinema
Poor Fluttershy...
12/23/2014 c1 2RageLokiCat
Since it doesn't sound like I'm going to hurt your feelings, I'll be honest.

The TLDR version: It was OK, but questionable and at times badly formed plot, misuse of qualifiers, and occasional errors made it less enjoyable for me.

The full version: Right off the bad, I was caught with an error, that for lack of a better term, I'm going to call a 'Double Qualifier'. You wrote, "anymore happier" which could either be "any happier" or "anymore happy", but as you probably figured pout, not both. This happens occasionally throughout the story, I don't remember where exactly others are. The moderately frequent use of 'steamy make-out session' is slightly off-putting, being slightly less direct (but not taking it out entirely, it's a part of the story) with things like that would lead to a better romance story, as direct references to personal romantic activities makes people uncomfortable. There were some problems with fragments, like in the fourth paragraph, "nuzzle her softly. As if he was afraid..." That period should be a comma, and personally, I would use 'though' instead of 'if', but it's your choice. From there, there weren't many other major issues, just reoccurring ones. It wasn't all the romantic, since most of the story was about a crush, but that might be my opinion. I also wasn't too fond of the ending, less because of the twist, that didn't bother me, but because you just threw it on the reader, as though you wanted to say, "Ha, you were wrong." If the ending was longer, more carefully developed, and had more care taken on ensuring it was good, this story could really have been powerful.

Anyway, I hope that helps. Have a nice future-time,
RageLokiCat

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