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3/26/2018 c1 122katbybee
Searching around for stories while sick, and came across this lovely piece. Enjoyed it thoroughly! I did not feel Newkirk's accent was at all over played, nor was the amnesia card hackneyed, since it is very possible for Carter to wind up with a head injury and/or amnesia in his line of work for the heroes. I felt you did a great job. I especially liked his comment to LeBeau at the end "It was missing?" That was so Carter, it just made me laugh!
12/28/2014 c1 37Abracadebra
Overall, I thought the writing was good, crisp, and clear. Although I don't like to be negative, I couldn't get past a few deficits. First, Carter is turned into a child. He's not - he's a grown man of military age, and doesn't even LOOK young, even if he's kind of naive. For a good recent example of a writer who acknowledges Carter's optimism and naïveté but keeps him as an adult, see Belphegor's most recent story. Second, the amnesia device is hackneyed. Third, Newkirk's accent is way overwritten, and he sounds like a bumpkin from the West Country, not a street smart Londoner.
12/28/2014 c1 23SaraiEsq
Nicely done.

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