Just In
for Christmas Gift?

4/21/2019 c1 26Fi Suki Saki
But mostly Funny because I laughed so much! XDDD

Shinichi from being slow at first for not realise he get vibrator until he gets it, to Shinichi keep feeling flustered while waiting for Kaito, to the Intimate moments between them (that made me keep checking the rated of the fic to make sure if it really rated T and not M), to Ran actually put pieces together and support Shinichi and happy for his happiness, to the Detective Boys found the vibrator and told the reporter without knowing what the toy was for! LMAO

I Love this fic SO. MUCH!
12/20/2016 c1 PipeDream
The vibrator thing had me in stitches
I keep imagining Ai's payment for getting them away from the media is that he has to use it in front of Kid
There's something wrong with me
4/3/2016 c1 2PerksOfBeingAGeek
Love you, my phone-dropping-in-iced-tea friend xxxx Write more, I demand it!
11/11/2015 c1 20chosobestboi
I'd really REALLY love to know the public's reactions to kamid giving shinichi a vibrator lmao (pssss sequel plz)
Also, please take out "shinkai" in the summaries and stories in all ur fics, bcuz they are all kaishin, not shinkai.
10/10/2015 c1 15AngelsBeast
yeah, I definitely find it amusing! great work there!
8/28/2015 c1 17Samila1223
That was so adorable :D I like the image you made for shin-chan Perfect
8/8/2015 c1 RogueKiller
"I love you". that's the only sentence that came up in my mind. And even with this short yet expressive sentence i don't think it would truly express my feelings on how truly your stories bring color in my life. Thank you~~~~~ hehe ;)
5/31/2015 c1 14xBandanaRosesx
Aww, cute but naughty ;D I love your KaiShin stories D
4/24/2015 c1 5Shana-Fujioka
That was such a nice, hilarious, cute and adorable story! I totally liked it! :D
3/25/2015 c1 HolmesLupinfan
Wow! segoi desu! Kaito-san and Kudo-san are just amazing together! thank you for writing this, it was brilliant to read and I hope you write more like it! ;)
One more thing though, maybe you should move it up to M rating because otherwise fanfiction might take it down if somebody complains. (If some one does report it, it wasn't me, I promise! i absolutely loved reading this and wouldn't dream of reporting this story).
Bye! :)
3/25/2015 c1 12LadyKarma18
This was sweet and adorable and brilliant and I really love this! Great job!
2/9/2015 c1 adookable
One of my favourite kaishin fics ever.
1/20/2015 c1 104Mikauzoran
Hello there! Long time no see! Or at least if feels like it, anyway. I hope you're well. Sorry it took me so long to get around to reading this. It was long, and I really wanted to have the time to sit down and really go through it. I've been trying to find a job, and this past week I had three interviews. I've got a job now, though, so I can stop looking so hard. Anyway, on with the review! I think I'll start with my comments on the content, and then I'll do praise and constructive criticism.

Well, first of all, I can really relate with Shin-chan having so many people to buy presents for but not having the time and not knowing what to get. I liked the presents he picked for the kids, though.

And of course Kaito would get him a sex toy. x.x When Shinichi said all of that, I nearly fell over, thinking, "Shinichi! Don't poke the tiger! Bad idea!"

And then a little later when the Professor walked into the room, I felt bad for the guy. I would have turned right around and left, pretending I hadn't heard anything.

I thought it was sweet how Kaito got Shinichi a bentou and funny how Kaito's banned from the kitchen. My Kaitos usually cook since they've been left on their own. Otherwise they would be eating a lot of carry out. .; Though, sometimes some of my Kaitos are too lazy to cook even though they are able to.

I saw that scene coming when you mentioned that the gift had been left out and then the Tanteidan showed up. I was thinking, "Oh no! Don't scar the children!" But everything turned out alright in the end. And then that scene with the reporter! Gosh. Poor Shin-chan. I'm surprised he didn't die of mortification right then and there.

I guess I'll do criticism first. There wasn't a whole lot to criticize, though. I really can see that you've improved! You're doing such a great job! There were a couple spots where the wording was a little off or awkward, but you're using your own metaphors and similes instead of cliched ones, and that's great. I can really see you're choosing your words carefully and really thinking about your words and phrases. Some are a little awkward, but that's a lot better than using cliches. Just keep working on it. You're doing very well. With more practice your wording should straighten itself out.

One thing that might help with this since you have a background in the preforming arts is reading the lines out loud. Pretend that you're the narrator, and read your story out loud. How does it sound? Does the wording sound natural? Do some of the lines leave you tongue-tied? Would someone actually say what you just read? Doing that might help in the editing phase.

The one thing that I wanted to say about wording was that there were two times that you used the word "petty", and I think "trivial" would have been a better choice, but that's the only one that really stuck out to me.

There were also a few times when you switched tenses. Like at the end when you slipped into the present tense. I can kind of understand why you did, but keep it in the past tense.

The last thing that I had to say on the "criticism" side was that the relationship between Kaito and Shinichi felt a little sudden or rushed. It was a little surprising when Shinichi changed his mind and decided that he was going to sleep with Kaito. I think that's because their history together hadn't been established before Shinichi said that he'd sleep with Kaito.

You gave a little bit of their background together right before Shinichi slept with him in the middle of the story, but before that I was unsure of how well they knew each other, how they felt about each other, what they thought about each other, and what had happened with their relationships with Ran and Aoko. After you talked about it in the middle, their relationship made more sense, but before that it wasn't justified, and I was thinking why in the world is Shinichi just jumping into bed with Kid?

I think next time closer to the beginning you could touch on their past together in order to set up and justify the relationship so that the reader understands where the characters are coming from and what their mental space is like, what they're feeling and why they're making the choices that they're making. I think that's really important when you're writing a pairing that's not ShinRa or KaiAo that's already set up in the canon story.

Once you explained about why Shinichi felt the way he did about Kaito and how they understood each other and all that, it was perfectly fine. So really all I think you need to do is sneak in the set up of the relationship a little earlier on in the fic.

One more random comment: there are most likely cameras in the room with the jewel, so that's probably not the place for Kid and Shinichi to make out if they want to be discrete. I was kind of surprised when it was revealed that there were people videotaping on the roof when Shinichi received the present, but no one knew about the footage recorded by the cameras in the room with the jewel.

Okay. Moving on to the stuff I really liked. I forget exactly where in the story these parts are, but, in chronological order, I liked when you said that Shinichi coughed to hide his embarrassment. Also it was nice when Shinichi's protest turned into a whimper. Additionally, I thought it was good the way you sneaked in how Shinichi using the antidote had led to a huge spike in his hormones. I thought that was a great touch.

Also, I see that your romantic scenes have really improved, especially that kissing scene at the beginning! It was a lot more natural and less cliched! You've really done an awesome job and worked hard, girl! I'm so proud of you! Good job, and keep up the good work. I can really tell that you're improving! I look forward to your next one!

-Kara (aka: Mikau)
1/16/2015 c1 MoonlightLoveSong
I loved it! It was so cute and in the same time so funny :) I didn't spot any mistake and I can't wait to see what you're gonna write about next time Good luck with your writing and have a nice day!
1/9/2015 c1 763Takara Phoenix
*smiles pleased* This was utterly adorable.
Granted, I somehow doubt any seventeen years old wouldn't recognize a vibrator when seeing one - and knowing Shinichi, he porbably already solved a murder where a vibrator was the murder weapon.
But unsure!Shinichi and pervy!Kaito were awesome. And shipper!Ai made it all the better, though she was being mean with pushing about the present while the kids were around. xDDD
I would have loved an omake of Sonoko watching the news about Shin and the vibrator and growing all red-faced, torn between furious and shipping-it. xDDD
A very enjoyable read. ;)
Greetings, Phoe
20 Page 1 2 Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service