for The Preventers - Daybreak's Bell8/30/2022 c13 N2
Please continue.
Please continue.
12/2/2016 c1 shahriar.ahmet
This story is a true hidden gem.I do hope Nobita doesn't contract with kyubey,his old previous experiances should prevent such an should have other as (the ending of the movie nobita's new great adventure in the underworld hints at him having some powers) (Some remaining gadgets or equipment from the main timeline when Doremon existed) being a magnificent bastard who can come up with complex plans would be pretty interesting if those you continue this story.
This story is a true hidden gem.I do hope Nobita doesn't contract with kyubey,his old previous experiances should prevent such an should have other as (the ending of the movie nobita's new great adventure in the underworld hints at him having some powers) (Some remaining gadgets or equipment from the main timeline when Doremon existed) being a magnificent bastard who can come up with complex plans would be pretty interesting if those you continue this story.
5/25/2015 c2 
46Redler Red7
I won't be as Thorough with this review as I feel that what you've made is already great quality wise. Giving you my every comment on every little detail would be a little tiring, don't you think? Besides, it seems that FFdotNet doesn't like plus or minus symbols.
First, a minor nitpick but, why not just use “puella magi” instead of differentiating between magical girls and boys. It's both faster and doesn't discriminate to those who are neither boy nor girl… actually, nevermind. You've probably already used both terms so many times that it would be too much of a hassle to change.
Anyway, let's now start with how freakin similar the entire sequence with Nobita trying to logic his way though the magical girl system is to this one doujinshi I recently read about Doraemon going into a madoka magica story book and rewriting the rules to be less deadly. I'm telling you right now that I laughed myself silly to that. The same goes with the Evangelion reference. Good job.
However, I have nothing to commend about your fight scenes. The feel forced – that is to say, understated and lacks any feeling of urgency. The appearance of Tuxedo Mask (who I totally think is Hidetoshi) marks the loss of any semblance of seriousness I felt earlier.
In fact, this entire chapter feels like a bit of step down in quality which will hopefully pick back up in the next chapter. I'm very disappointed, to be honest. But not enough to not continue reading. Til my next review.
46Redler Red7I won't be as Thorough with this review as I feel that what you've made is already great quality wise. Giving you my every comment on every little detail would be a little tiring, don't you think? Besides, it seems that FFdotNet doesn't like plus or minus symbols.
First, a minor nitpick but, why not just use “puella magi” instead of differentiating between magical girls and boys. It's both faster and doesn't discriminate to those who are neither boy nor girl… actually, nevermind. You've probably already used both terms so many times that it would be too much of a hassle to change.
Anyway, let's now start with how freakin similar the entire sequence with Nobita trying to logic his way though the magical girl system is to this one doujinshi I recently read about Doraemon going into a madoka magica story book and rewriting the rules to be less deadly. I'm telling you right now that I laughed myself silly to that. The same goes with the Evangelion reference. Good job.
However, I have nothing to commend about your fight scenes. The feel forced – that is to say, understated and lacks any feeling of urgency. The appearance of Tuxedo Mask (who I totally think is Hidetoshi) marks the loss of any semblance of seriousness I felt earlier.
In fact, this entire chapter feels like a bit of step down in quality which will hopefully pick back up in the next chapter. I'm very disappointed, to be honest. But not enough to not continue reading. Til my next review.
5/25/2015 c1 Redler Red7
WELL, since I agreed to review your work, I'll try to be very thorough. My assessment may be a bit biased, and at times nitpicky, but I'll try to keep an objective view of things. I'll also be lenient with your grammar and spelling as I recall English not being your second language. Anyway, let's begin.
: Things I think are good about this story personally and/or objectively
-: Things that I consider bad about this story personally and/or objectively
o: Neutral point. Normally a nitpick or a small detail I noticed. I will normally think up a quick theory about it based on my given info
Right off the bat, you start with a small little dream sequence that reminisces the blue cat known as Doraemon. I, being one of very little knowledge of Doraemon, am quite impressed that you manage to invoke some sort of faint feeling in me that I can't explain. It was told, not shown, but it wasn't necessarily a bad thing in this case
Okay instant characterization of two characters, Nobita and Hidetoshi. One is a glasses guy and our main character while the other is his rival so to speak who has long hair and is apparently very smart. Their rivalry seems friendly and casual. Nobita is an unmotivated but intelligent boy who is easy to slumber, possibly due to his prior condition. Hidetoshi must really care for Nobita, seeing as he was patient and kind enough to wait and wake up Nobita even though the rest of the class had left. Then a quiet little question about “the old days” that leaves me wondering what he meant. The plot thickens? Well, that was fairly solid characters considering how very little you've given me to work with in those first few paragraphs. Good job.
One paragraph to introduce a new character. Hideo Nakazawa, class clown of 2-B: has light brown hair, does not do his homework and is willing to copy off of someone else, is cheeky and teases people. Short and sweet. I like that.
O Hidetoshi has a complex about his hair? Possibly due to how it emasculates him? Interesting…
O Okay, center that Kyubey emojii so it makes sense as a divider, please. Nitpick.
The girl who Nobita assumes is Shizuka is actually Hanako “Jaiko” Gouda, the girl whom he once believed he would marry. She has a brother, who is apparently very… large, I should say? She used to be a bit chubby. Either way, I liked how you worded those paragraphs
O Nobita is not very nice to think she had liposuction, though his save was particularly smooth. Not that it mattered to Jaiko
O A brief introduction of a character who isn't even relevant to the scene. Details about him are simply told to us. Well, duly noted I guess. Hopefully we'll get some content involving a one Takeshi “Gian” Gouda in the near future.
O Okay, interesting. Shizuka was the girl Nobita was crushing on when he was in 4th grade. Looking in hind sight, yes, what he might have done back then may have been creepy. I'm not exactly sure, but I'll take his word for it. Once again, told not shown… hmm… Also, it's “touchy”, not “touche”. I believe “touche” means “well played” in french though I may be wrong.
I am personally really liking Nobita. His character feels relatable in that I too am someone who would wish for an uneventful year. Hell, even his reaction to seeing Kyubey for the first time is what my reaction would be if I weren't as genre savvy as I am.
Yes, a character I know! Okay, characterization of Kyubey is, as far as I can tell, spot on. No further comments other than good job.
Well THAT escalated quickly. Someone's dead ALREADY!? Not to mention, you really picked a good stopping point for the chapter. Jaiko is a magical girl, which is a nice twist, but I was sort of waiting on something along those lines.
This has been a very good first chapter. You do a good job at introducing characters to someone like me who has not watched Doraemon. As such, I was going into this virtually blind. However thanks to how you handled introducing the characters was effective and surprisingly subtle in telling me everything I need to know. To me, they're all just remarkably solid OCs.
You do, however, tend to tell rather than show. But seeing as it pertains to back story and such, I'll let it slide.
Overall, I really enjoyed this first chapter. Your premise feels well executed and you started strong – you certainly started better than DragonMaster870 with The Beginnings Arc. Let's see how well you managed the next chapter. Hopefully that strong start will continue one with a strong middle and a strong end. Til my next review, then
WELL, since I agreed to review your work, I'll try to be very thorough. My assessment may be a bit biased, and at times nitpicky, but I'll try to keep an objective view of things. I'll also be lenient with your grammar and spelling as I recall English not being your second language. Anyway, let's begin.
: Things I think are good about this story personally and/or objectively
-: Things that I consider bad about this story personally and/or objectively
o: Neutral point. Normally a nitpick or a small detail I noticed. I will normally think up a quick theory about it based on my given info
Right off the bat, you start with a small little dream sequence that reminisces the blue cat known as Doraemon. I, being one of very little knowledge of Doraemon, am quite impressed that you manage to invoke some sort of faint feeling in me that I can't explain. It was told, not shown, but it wasn't necessarily a bad thing in this case
Okay instant characterization of two characters, Nobita and Hidetoshi. One is a glasses guy and our main character while the other is his rival so to speak who has long hair and is apparently very smart. Their rivalry seems friendly and casual. Nobita is an unmotivated but intelligent boy who is easy to slumber, possibly due to his prior condition. Hidetoshi must really care for Nobita, seeing as he was patient and kind enough to wait and wake up Nobita even though the rest of the class had left. Then a quiet little question about “the old days” that leaves me wondering what he meant. The plot thickens? Well, that was fairly solid characters considering how very little you've given me to work with in those first few paragraphs. Good job.
One paragraph to introduce a new character. Hideo Nakazawa, class clown of 2-B: has light brown hair, does not do his homework and is willing to copy off of someone else, is cheeky and teases people. Short and sweet. I like that.
O Hidetoshi has a complex about his hair? Possibly due to how it emasculates him? Interesting…
O Okay, center that Kyubey emojii so it makes sense as a divider, please. Nitpick.
The girl who Nobita assumes is Shizuka is actually Hanako “Jaiko” Gouda, the girl whom he once believed he would marry. She has a brother, who is apparently very… large, I should say? She used to be a bit chubby. Either way, I liked how you worded those paragraphs
O Nobita is not very nice to think she had liposuction, though his save was particularly smooth. Not that it mattered to Jaiko
O A brief introduction of a character who isn't even relevant to the scene. Details about him are simply told to us. Well, duly noted I guess. Hopefully we'll get some content involving a one Takeshi “Gian” Gouda in the near future.
O Okay, interesting. Shizuka was the girl Nobita was crushing on when he was in 4th grade. Looking in hind sight, yes, what he might have done back then may have been creepy. I'm not exactly sure, but I'll take his word for it. Once again, told not shown… hmm… Also, it's “touchy”, not “touche”. I believe “touche” means “well played” in french though I may be wrong.
I am personally really liking Nobita. His character feels relatable in that I too am someone who would wish for an uneventful year. Hell, even his reaction to seeing Kyubey for the first time is what my reaction would be if I weren't as genre savvy as I am.
Yes, a character I know! Okay, characterization of Kyubey is, as far as I can tell, spot on. No further comments other than good job.
Well THAT escalated quickly. Someone's dead ALREADY!? Not to mention, you really picked a good stopping point for the chapter. Jaiko is a magical girl, which is a nice twist, but I was sort of waiting on something along those lines.
This has been a very good first chapter. You do a good job at introducing characters to someone like me who has not watched Doraemon. As such, I was going into this virtually blind. However thanks to how you handled introducing the characters was effective and surprisingly subtle in telling me everything I need to know. To me, they're all just remarkably solid OCs.
You do, however, tend to tell rather than show. But seeing as it pertains to back story and such, I'll let it slide.
Overall, I really enjoyed this first chapter. Your premise feels well executed and you started strong – you certainly started better than DragonMaster870 with The Beginnings Arc. Let's see how well you managed the next chapter. Hopefully that strong start will continue one with a strong middle and a strong end. Til my next review, then