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for A heretic's desire

10/4/2020 c1 Wiggles
You really excel in imagery. While I can vaguely assume what a chaos cathedral looks like, your lines about the gargoyles and the slaves licking up dust are [chef's kiss] magnificent. I didn't expect that deus ex machina for sure. I expected something more subtle like a chaos god's sudden boon- who's the fifth chaos god? Is Malal/Malice canon anymore?

I could see this oneshot having a connected sequel following the saint. I'm curious to see how a questioning Sister of Battle is reborn a living saint, and how the sisters would handle that.

I have some critiques, but seeing as how this was published in 2015 I suspect most of my critiques wouldn't be relevant to present works. Five years is a long time to write, and it's impossible not to improve so long as you keep at it.
4/10/2017 c1 Berlioz Chaos Lord of Khorne
Feels.

Serious feels.
6/9/2016 c1 7theluckyshot
Okay so I really like this, the main character Bolak was very well written, and in such a relatively short amount of words. He was dynamic despite the piece being so short. The antagonists were suitably evil and threatening, and yet there were shades of gray concerning the protagonist. The living saint was a nice touch, though I have to wonder how exactly she got onto a chaos worshipping world, and how long she's been there. I also like the philosophical debate at the end there, concerning the true nature of the Emperor, and then the actual power of real belief that affects the warp.

I also really liked how the action scenes flowed, as well as how they created the proper mood for what was being written. They felt brutal, and messy, yet there was an underlying sense of hope and even elegant beauty from the inclusion of the saint.

My only gripe would be the sparse amount of typos and some clunky sentences. They're very easy to see upon re-reading the work, and though not terrible, they do detract from an otherwise well written piece. Honestly, were I you I'd take this idea, the story as a whole, and run with it. Explore these characters a bit more, it's an interesting concept, and as you state at the end, one not seen very much. So, hats off to you, this was an enjoyable read. :)

300-709
11/27/2015 c1 2The d20 Master
Yay, a story that shows humans living under Chaos! Crap, I think the amount of other stories like this are... I don't think there are any, actually. This was a fun little story. I'd totally read a sequel if you decided to write one.
4/3/2015 c1 2DDorb
I liked the concept of the story, especially how it diverts from the usual portrayal of Chaos. Technically the story is sound, as well as substance wise. The plot is very good and the ending is very rewarding.
1/16/2015 c1 11How-not-to-do-something
A story were chaos is the oppressor? I approve immensely.

Also, nice touch with the living saint. Being an imperial saint yet not liking the imperium is almost unheard of. Once again, I approve.
1/15/2015 c1 Apocalypse Survivor
I have to say, this is a pretty cool WH40K fanfic. As you stated in your author's note at the end, not many stories exist - canon or otherwise - involving the regular humans caught up in the schemes of Chaos Space Marines, nor do they usually show how those who don't follow either major religion in the lore live and think (aside from the Soul Drinkers series). All in all, I enjoyed it, though there are a few grammatical errors I noticed, but nothing that detracts from the story itself.
1/14/2015 c1 2CapitalClassShip
You are Completely Right. there isn't enough stories about Redemption from the Cultist side.
1/14/2015 c1 Guest
Great job, I don't normally read short stories but this one was worth checking out.

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