for Time Wanders On9/15/2015 c4 
24gokart48
Haha, very sweet and touching. You captured both of their characters well, and I particularly liked the playful side you see in Lucina when she is nervous and beyond words. You get to see her strong side, her gentle side, and the slightly oblivious part of her too. Especially at the end with Kellam's armor. As for Robin, I am pretty sure he is star-struck. Lol.
I don't have any majors complaints, but more of a recommendation. It is touching that they think so highly of each other's looks, but I did laugh at some of the lines where Robin said he "worshipped her." I think it would be better to say he was captivated by her, or that she left him in awe. The less description of his thoughts, and more so of his actions, the better.
For instance, you did extremely well of showing their actions after they confessed. You can sense the passion and the desire. Their actions alone say far more than just their thoughts. So, keep in the mind in the future to stay away from cliched lines. Yes he would be "lost in her beauty," but at this point he is lost for several reasons that go beyond her looks. It would be better to say how he secretly wanted to stay close to her. Or that being with her always made him smile.
24gokart48Haha, very sweet and touching. You captured both of their characters well, and I particularly liked the playful side you see in Lucina when she is nervous and beyond words. You get to see her strong side, her gentle side, and the slightly oblivious part of her too. Especially at the end with Kellam's armor. As for Robin, I am pretty sure he is star-struck. Lol.
I don't have any majors complaints, but more of a recommendation. It is touching that they think so highly of each other's looks, but I did laugh at some of the lines where Robin said he "worshipped her." I think it would be better to say he was captivated by her, or that she left him in awe. The less description of his thoughts, and more so of his actions, the better.
For instance, you did extremely well of showing their actions after they confessed. You can sense the passion and the desire. Their actions alone say far more than just their thoughts. So, keep in the mind in the future to stay away from cliched lines. Yes he would be "lost in her beauty," but at this point he is lost for several reasons that go beyond her looks. It would be better to say how he secretly wanted to stay close to her. Or that being with her always made him smile.
9/13/2015 c4 1Exalted Fellblood
They say love is blind... but they usually mean that about the two people involved. I actually laughed out loud when I read that Chrom couldn't figure it out.
Seriously, though. You write casual scenes very well. Sure, they're in a different style than most people's, but it's not worse. Just different.
And like your other reviewers said; the main thing is small grammar/spelling errors, and nothing major. Besides, even the best can't catch everything.
Thanks for the story, and I really enjoyed the combined Confession/Judgement scene. I look forward to any other stories you may write.
1Exalted FellbloodThey say love is blind... but they usually mean that about the two people involved. I actually laughed out loud when I read that Chrom couldn't figure it out.
Seriously, though. You write casual scenes very well. Sure, they're in a different style than most people's, but it's not worse. Just different.
And like your other reviewers said; the main thing is small grammar/spelling errors, and nothing major. Besides, even the best can't catch everything.
Thanks for the story, and I really enjoyed the combined Confession/Judgement scene. I look forward to any other stories you may write.
9/13/2015 c4 The Good Lord Inquisitor
You did great. I really enjoyed this take on the judgement scene. Keep up good work.
You did great. I really enjoyed this take on the judgement scene. Keep up good work.
7/15/2015 c3 24gokart48
Really sweet chapter, and you did a great job. It was not difficult to understand the lines, but you did put some quotation marks where description was. Although, it is nice to see Lucina keep smilnig now that everything is over.
Let's just hope Fates turns out better than my fears. I made the mistake of spoiling a lot of the game, and I'm' very unsure about it now.
24gokart48Really sweet chapter, and you did a great job. It was not difficult to understand the lines, but you did put some quotation marks where description was. Although, it is nice to see Lucina keep smilnig now that everything is over.
Let's just hope Fates turns out better than my fears. I made the mistake of spoiling a lot of the game, and I'm' very unsure about it now.
1/21/2015 c2 1JumperthreeDS
It's terrible... that this will only be 4 chapters long! :P
I really liked it. I too feel depressed at the wait Lucina and Morgan will have to endure until Robin's return. The fight scenes were very nice. You have a very colorful way of describing things, and it's interesting in a good way.
Like the other reviewers have stated, there's still a bit of grammatical error here and there, but they're only minor things. Nothing bad enough to confuse someone reading it.
All in all, it's a very enjoyable story.
Also, I was surprised at the shoutout I got at the end of the 1st chapter. Thank you! It's truly an honor!
I wish you luck on the next 2 chapters, and keep up the good work! Hopefully this gets you back into writing! I'll be waiting until then!
1JumperthreeDSIt's terrible... that this will only be 4 chapters long! :P
I really liked it. I too feel depressed at the wait Lucina and Morgan will have to endure until Robin's return. The fight scenes were very nice. You have a very colorful way of describing things, and it's interesting in a good way.
Like the other reviewers have stated, there's still a bit of grammatical error here and there, but they're only minor things. Nothing bad enough to confuse someone reading it.
All in all, it's a very enjoyable story.
Also, I was surprised at the shoutout I got at the end of the 1st chapter. Thank you! It's truly an honor!
I wish you luck on the next 2 chapters, and keep up the good work! Hopefully this gets you back into writing! I'll be waiting until then!
1/21/2015 c2 24gokart48
Have a little more confidence in yourself :) Your writing is very clear and easy to read. There is a small handful of things that are misspelled, but nothing strong enough to distract me from reading.
Overall the two chapters are very solid and in time you will see your writing continue to improve. The biggest challenge you will face is the times when you encounter writer's block, but other than that your should be proud of your writing skills. This looks to be an interesting story, and I look forward to seeing how it continues.
Just remember that the story will only be as good as the amount of effort you put into it. If you keep up the hard work you will find the payoff to be very rewarding in the end.
24gokart48Have a little more confidence in yourself :) Your writing is very clear and easy to read. There is a small handful of things that are misspelled, but nothing strong enough to distract me from reading.
Overall the two chapters are very solid and in time you will see your writing continue to improve. The biggest challenge you will face is the times when you encounter writer's block, but other than that your should be proud of your writing skills. This looks to be an interesting story, and I look forward to seeing how it continues.
Just remember that the story will only be as good as the amount of effort you put into it. If you keep up the hard work you will find the payoff to be very rewarding in the end.
1/20/2015 c1 gokart48
It always breaks my heart when I hear that Lucina and Morgan have to endure months of bitter waiting before Robin comes back after.
Very nice fight scene between the two, and I could picture the sparring match very clearly in my head. The part where Lucina sees Robin in Morgan's action was also a great addition. Heh, and I also remember the good old days when I first beat the ending. For a split second I thought alongside Robin that it was going to loop again until I saw that there was no mark on his hand anymore.
My only small complaint is Morgan does seem a little too over her father's loss. Considering she idolized him I would think she would be the most understanding of Lucina's pain and inability to smile anymore, but you could also argue that Morgan moved on to carry on his memory.
Overall, very well done and I look forward to seeing the next three chapters.
Oh, And thanks for the shout out :)
It always breaks my heart when I hear that Lucina and Morgan have to endure months of bitter waiting before Robin comes back after.
Very nice fight scene between the two, and I could picture the sparring match very clearly in my head. The part where Lucina sees Robin in Morgan's action was also a great addition. Heh, and I also remember the good old days when I first beat the ending. For a split second I thought alongside Robin that it was going to loop again until I saw that there was no mark on his hand anymore.
My only small complaint is Morgan does seem a little too over her father's loss. Considering she idolized him I would think she would be the most understanding of Lucina's pain and inability to smile anymore, but you could also argue that Morgan moved on to carry on his memory.
Overall, very well done and I look forward to seeing the next three chapters.
Oh, And thanks for the shout out :)
1/20/2015 c1 22Gunlord500
I rather liked this! And I like your shoutouts too, those fics you mention are great :D
22Gunlord500I rather liked this! And I like your shoutouts too, those fics you mention are great :D
1/20/2015 c1 The-lazy-bum
Even if you plan on only making this four chapter fic, this is still a great start. I look forwards to further updates as your schedule allows. BTW also check out Metallovers' fic, Fire Emblem Awakening: Invisible Ties, it's really long but really well done.
Even if you plan on only making this four chapter fic, this is still a great start. I look forwards to further updates as your schedule allows. BTW also check out Metallovers' fic, Fire Emblem Awakening: Invisible Ties, it's really long but really well done.