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10/21/2015 c11 joyfish98
This is a great and interesting story. The plot is great and I can't wait to read about Jared.
6/13/2015 c11 7Lord of Moons
I'm not sure how, but your writing manages to build suspense and tension on the most normal of things. That's quite a talent, I can't stop reading.
5/26/2015 c10 zErin37
Woo! A new chapter! I love how you're giving some depth to Jared's character, most people just make the rival out to be a huge jerk, (an act I'm admittedly guilty of). There's so much suspense for the race, can't wait!

So glad you updated again! Keep up the great writing!
zErin
4/9/2015 c9 zErin37
I think you should go for the story about Blue, if you're still considering writing it. I mean, why not?

This was great as before, by the way, looking forward to the next update!

zErin
3/14/2015 c1 No Longer Active Here
Not quite sure why there are so little reviews for this because it's certainly much easier to read/understand, than a vast majority of the bulk on this site.

Technical wise, the spelling is fine, but the dialogue tags need editing (Farla got that one right).

As for plot itself, don't have much to comment on since I haven't read the first one, but it seems to have an established plot.

Hopefully, you'll get more feedback in the coming chapters.

Aquila
3/14/2015 c1 6Lightningblade49
Lot's of Oc's I have no clue about lol, Dialogue is good though so I have nothing against this story.
1/24/2015 c1 154Farla
Dialogue is written as "Hello," she said or "Hello!" she said, never "Hello." She said or "Hello." she said or "Hello," She said or "Hello" she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it's written as "Hello." She grinned, never "Hello," she grinned or "Hello," She grinned or "Hello." she grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," she said. "This is it." not "Hi," she said, "this is it." or "Hi," she said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," she said, "is it." The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don't use quotation marks with thoughts.

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