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for RWBY: A Beacon of Hope

10/18/2016 c12 4Boyy2k
Hm. A nice story you got here. Think I'll stick around for the ride. Later.

9/26/2016 c1 Jnpr dude
this is getting really interesting. I'd like to see more of pyrrha and Orion. I'm also interested in knowing her family and her mother especially.
4/24/2016 c11 3Will Atkinson
ready for the next chapter
1/26/2016 c8 trninjakiller
10/4/2015 c10 7Lucenthia
This was a decent chapter in execution. I liked the fight, because it showed Orion and Yang's similar but different fighting styles. I liked the puns too.

While this chapter was good by itself, what this story needs is more spotlight on your OCs. I know that backstory doesn't have to be rushed, but just because you hold back on peoples' pasts doesn't mean you don't show us right away what they're like. I sort of know what Xienna's inner motivations are, but that's only from the trailer. While it's good that you plunge us right into the action, you need to also show some sort of character. Like, the Players and Pieces arc in RWBY established Ruby and Weiss' relationship as well Jaune and Pyrrha's very quickly.

Liking what I'm seeing so far, keep it up!
8/23/2015 c9 Lucenthia
Haha, I meant to review this several hours ago, but as you'll probably find out in the future, my reviews can be very tardy.
Speaking of which, thanks for favoriting and following Ashes! And if you're up to date, then any feedback would be appreciated, because as an author, it's hard for us to know how things are conveyed to readers.

That's actually the main negative about this story in general. The content and all that is pretty decent (I'll elaborate more later) but it can be hard to read because you're still thinking of this fanfic in terms of a TV show, like RWBY. This shows most prominently when you refer to characters using their physical features instead of their names. Instead of saying Orion you say, the mauler, the bear boy, the faunus, etc. This was mainly a problem when ONAX was fighting the Tyrant, because you were doing this with four other people while they were all very active and moving around.
It's definitely easier to read than the trailers, and chapter 9 was actually very good with using the names instead of euphamisms. But in a book, it's harder for readers to visualize things than it is with visual media, so sometimes using euphemisms can be confusing.

Onto the positives. I'm glad you strayed from canon in the initiation. The idea with the Tyrant was pretty cool. I'm also interested in the few hints around Orion's past that you've been dropping. Orion's uncaring and brash personality, almost bordering on callous and uncaring at times, is a nice contrast with the other canon characters. It'll be interesting to see if he makes enemies because of it.
I can't comment too much on the rest of ONAX because we haven't seen too much of their personalities.
Oh, but I liked what we could glean from Xienna during the trailer and her daddy issues.

By the way, what does ONAX mean?

Keep it up!
8/22/2015 c4 Lucenthia
Alright. This seems like a decent story so far. I'll get up to date (hopefully tonight) but I'm just reviewing halfway so I don't forget some of the stuff here.
I'll go with the negative first, then positives.

My main gripe with the story is that you seem to be deliberately avoiding the use of names. As in, you never say the names of your team (except for Xienna) instead, you either say "he" or euphemisms. This makes the chapter confusing to read, and that's not something you ever want to do, especially on the first chapters.

Despite it being hard to read, the battle scenes are still pretty decent. I like how you're introducing various new Grimm, and also spending just the right amount of time on them: no paragraphs of description, but still enough to let us know what it actually is.
The weapons are also interesting, as were the Semblances.

Keep it up!
7/13/2015 c8 2Dr3aMz
Im really liking the story so far! Keep up the good work! Lotsa good ideas, mentioning canon but following your own story, and good action and humor haha. Although always remember to give each member equal character building time, just a tip for the future!
6/18/2015 c7 2grimmreapper90
Hmmm very nice very nice now it's time for the friends to fast their first boss monster an I can't wait to see how it all goes down.
6/14/2015 c3 Guest
Dude do you have a picture of this team you're building cause I'm only getting vague descriptions from your story. Please more descriptive about your characters' appearances. Other than that I'm enjoying your stuff, please update soon.
2/17/2015 c2 14ThePhantomScribe
Very interesting. I love the story lines and I'm curious to meet the remaining two members! Good luck on the story :D


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