for Team CJCK10/14/2017 c2 Aj
You may want to upgrade Jorgensen range, even the British SMLE Mk III hand sights for up to 300 yards. SMLE III was first produced in 1907, 110 years ago, and it was also bolt action.
You may want to upgrade Jorgensen range, even the British SMLE Mk III hand sights for up to 300 yards. SMLE III was first produced in 1907, 110 years ago, and it was also bolt action.
7/7/2016 c6 
1neogoki
Cain the harem-hero, that is a new one since in-canon Amberly has his monogamous love (and the yandere-ticks to keep him monogamous)
1neogokiCain the harem-hero, that is a new one since in-canon Amberly has his monogamous love (and the yandere-ticks to keep him monogamous)
12/30/2015 c6 fractelle
Disappointing. So very disappointing.
I adore ciaphas Cain. Absolutely adore the series and him as a character. This isn't Ciaphas, and it most assuredly isn't Jurgen.
Your writing comes across as stilted and forced, especially the dialogue. A tip, read your dialogues aloud and see if it sound like regular conversation. And for the emprah's sake,don't belabour a point so much, I swear you said "walk through vomit" about six times in the space of a single scene.
Disappointing. So very disappointing.
I adore ciaphas Cain. Absolutely adore the series and him as a character. This isn't Ciaphas, and it most assuredly isn't Jurgen.
Your writing comes across as stilted and forced, especially the dialogue. A tip, read your dialogues aloud and see if it sound like regular conversation. And for the emprah's sake,don't belabour a point so much, I swear you said "walk through vomit" about six times in the space of a single scene.
11/22/2015 c6 Anonymo
Hello! i have now looked over your six written chapters and i must say that i am generally pleased.
Sure it may not be the best thing around, but it still is a good read
The scenarios of cain and jurgen are enjoyable, but alone cain is a little "downgraded" unlike how he usually is ...yeah you deffinatly need to get him into his original rogue personality or he will become a bland harem protagonist.
Work a little on how you presentate the harem a little too.
I know it is hard with all the different characters and factores you have to organise to fit, but on a more happier note: just work Cain back to his old persona and tweak a bit on the other characters and your are set for victory my friend!
(FOR THE EMPEROR)
Hello! i have now looked over your six written chapters and i must say that i am generally pleased.
Sure it may not be the best thing around, but it still is a good read
The scenarios of cain and jurgen are enjoyable, but alone cain is a little "downgraded" unlike how he usually is ...yeah you deffinatly need to get him into his original rogue personality or he will become a bland harem protagonist.
Work a little on how you presentate the harem a little too.
I know it is hard with all the different characters and factores you have to organise to fit, but on a more happier note: just work Cain back to his old persona and tweak a bit on the other characters and your are set for victory my friend!
(FOR THE EMPEROR)
4/14/2015 c6 1Stoneman303
This is great.
The story is really enjoyable and the Cain-Jurgen dynamic is always amusing to read about.
Love what you have written here mate and can't wait for more.
Also I am a huge W40k fan and very familiar with all of Rooster Teeth Productions, so if you need anything, from a beta to a simple conversation, I would be thrilled to accommodate you.
Keep up the good work-
1Stoneman303This is great.
The story is really enjoyable and the Cain-Jurgen dynamic is always amusing to read about.
Love what you have written here mate and can't wait for more.
Also I am a huge W40k fan and very familiar with all of Rooster Teeth Productions, so if you need anything, from a beta to a simple conversation, I would be thrilled to accommodate you.
Keep up the good work-
3/29/2015 c3 2Orangejuicehero
I've finished reading those first six chapters of yours, and so cannot find much that is particularly exemplary, nor anything very poor. Your writing is choppy, but it makes its point and doesn't distract as nearly as much as it did in the first chapters. Your idea has merit, even if it has some drawbacks.
However, then we get to the characters, and to that, I can only say that I am very...
UNHAPPY.
Cain and Jurgen are absolutely wretched. Cain has none of the self-confidence and bravado of his literary counterpart, coming off more as a placeholder stereotype than the Hero of the Imperium; he's your goddamn cad board harem protagonist, a far cry from his dashing rogueish personality. And Jurgen? Oh, by the love of all the life of the Earth, you actually fucking thought is was a good idea to try and give him a "dynamic" character? And ten have the GALL to say you were "faithful to the original character"? Jurgen is a blank-slate, perhaps the easiest character an author could write, but that doesn't you should destroy that very persona!
And as for the other characters, oh, good EMPEROR on a PINK TRICYCLE. In crossovers, there should be a point to having characters seemingly placed into the work, be it to further someone's characterization, the plot, or introduce a theme. So, tell me: what the HELL is the purpose for having Bleach and Dishonored characters here? I understand having cameos in your work, but this isn't a fucking cameo; you actually made them INTEGRAL CHARACTERS. Why? I see no pint to it other than to fulfill some childish fantasy!
Oooh, and thank all the fucking religions that I'm ignoring the fact that you're shoehorning Cain into a horribly-written/presented HAREM.
2OrangejuiceheroI've finished reading those first six chapters of yours, and so cannot find much that is particularly exemplary, nor anything very poor. Your writing is choppy, but it makes its point and doesn't distract as nearly as much as it did in the first chapters. Your idea has merit, even if it has some drawbacks.
However, then we get to the characters, and to that, I can only say that I am very...
UNHAPPY.
Cain and Jurgen are absolutely wretched. Cain has none of the self-confidence and bravado of his literary counterpart, coming off more as a placeholder stereotype than the Hero of the Imperium; he's your goddamn cad board harem protagonist, a far cry from his dashing rogueish personality. And Jurgen? Oh, by the love of all the life of the Earth, you actually fucking thought is was a good idea to try and give him a "dynamic" character? And ten have the GALL to say you were "faithful to the original character"? Jurgen is a blank-slate, perhaps the easiest character an author could write, but that doesn't you should destroy that very persona!
And as for the other characters, oh, good EMPEROR on a PINK TRICYCLE. In crossovers, there should be a point to having characters seemingly placed into the work, be it to further someone's characterization, the plot, or introduce a theme. So, tell me: what the HELL is the purpose for having Bleach and Dishonored characters here? I understand having cameos in your work, but this isn't a fucking cameo; you actually made them INTEGRAL CHARACTERS. Why? I see no pint to it other than to fulfill some childish fantasy!
Oooh, and thank all the fucking religions that I'm ignoring the fact that you're shoehorning Cain into a horribly-written/presented HAREM.
2/5/2015 c5 Guest
ok the latest update is a repeat, but that aside the story looks promising. Just start on paper and build it up.
ok the latest update is a repeat, but that aside the story looks promising. Just start on paper and build it up.
1/31/2015 c4 bananasharkv2.0
Why did you receive upload the first chapter as the fourth? Also just wanted to say I've enjoyed the story so far and find you got the characterization of Cain and Jurgen down pretty well.
Why did you receive upload the first chapter as the fourth? Also just wanted to say I've enjoyed the story so far and find you got the characterization of Cain and Jurgen down pretty well.
1/27/2015 c3 Bobthebobberof69
Hey it's Ichigo... So any Bleach villains here too?
Cool chapter. Can't wait for the next one.
Hey it's Ichigo... So any Bleach villains here too?
Cool chapter. Can't wait for the next one.
1/24/2015 c1 Bobthebobberof69
I must ask sorry but harems and lemons? Can't wait for the next chapter.
I must ask sorry but harems and lemons? Can't wait for the next chapter.